Church family mean to my autistic son

[cola2019]

Have been at our current church for several years and I have noticed recently that my son is being bullied by the other kids there- he is autistic and social justice is very important to him but the kids in the congregation are all from very vocal opinionated families who try to control him - I think because of his autism, he will not be controlled and will shout and scream until he swears then all the adults in the congregation hate him . The worst offender I saw with my own eyes today the vicars 20 yr old dd who knows she can get away with anything- she loves winding him up and getting all the kids to mock him. I tried to confront her mum but she refused to even listen to me do I confront the priest ot just walk away and find a church that is accepting of different personalities.

Tell the fuckers to practice what they preach.

That's awful, I'm so sorry you're going through this. By the sounds of it, it's unlikely to change, if it were me I'd chat with the priest and if there's no quick change I'd find a church with the same religion but one which would be more accommodating to your son's needs Xxx

What do you mean by they try to control him? What sort of behaviours?
A 20 year old dd is not a kid by the way and should be dealt with as an adult.

Well I wouldn't 'confront' anyone. What I would do is ask the vicar if you could meet with him. Then explain calmly your concerns. Say you want to continue to come to the church but find your son is being mocked and bullied. His autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour but it is his reaction when provoked. Ask what the vicar thinks is the best course of action. Just as you would do with the head teacher of your school.

I would just walk away and find another church...dont think having a confrontation will change anything..probably just make your ds even more of a target...bullying in church..disgraceful

She is doing nursery nursing at college so thinks she needs to be involved in controlling and disciplining the children but she actually escalates everything!! She is the apple of her parents eye, and can do no wrong. My son is different to the other kids in the congregation but isnt scared to be himself he has never once tried to conform which is part of the problem. We have a few other churches nearby so I may try a different one next week. Such a shame as we have been involved with this church for several years.

How are they trying to control him?

Do you mean your son wont do as he is asked?

Do you mean he doesn't conform by not following rules and direction?

Are you with him the whole time?

If you do decide to leave, please write to them and tell them exactly why.

If c if e, refer them to the guidance 'a place to belong'. Copy in the archdeacon and the bishop. There may also be a disability advisor in the diocese.

We've been so fortunate in how our child's differences are accepted and loved in our church; it makes me sad and angry when others don't experience the same.

So the issue is ds’s behaviour in the Sunday school portion of the church? He is unable to follow instructions and the leader of the Sunday school doesn’t know how to deal with a child with additional needs?

It may not be the right space for him - or you may need to offer to have a 1-1 aide who knows him well attend with him who can help to keep him on task and can head off meltdowns?

Sounds like they're not a very Christian congregation

They sound like a right bunch of horrors. Sometimes this will happen in a congregation (I worked for the church and we used to call them the covens) - a gaggle of bossy bullies who would try to run the church (and the vicar).

I’d find somewhere else - do you know anyone else who attends another church? Maybe some family ones from school? Go along and see what they are like. There will be plenty of things going on from now and Easter.

I’d have a word with the leaders to start with. It often just takes one person to stand up and spark a change. Perhaps suggest that they have an appointed person to deal with additional needs. This is a big thing in my denomination at the moment and there are lots of resources available (urban saints etc).

Our church currently has about 10-20% of the kids with additional needs. It has gradually become a more welcoming place and more have joined because of it. But it’s taken a while to change the “just make them behave” brigade, and leadership from the top.

If they aren’t willing to engage then I’d look elsewhere for a welcoming congregation. Ask the leaders what their views on additional needs are and find somewhere that will treat your son as an equal in God’s family.

Why would you leave him in the Sunday school if you have noticed an issue.

Keep him with you and away from any negative energy.