Anyone else lost their faith?

[startouchedtrinity]

I've gone through on here often enough why I've lost my Christian faith (in fact it was on here that I tried to keep it going and then finally gave up!). Am much happier on the path I am now on (Eastern religions) but still can't understand how something that was once so real to me just isn't any more. I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience, and how you explain it to yourself?

STT, I've been thinking alot about what you said. When you say the spiritual experiences stopped, was that the reason the intellectual doubts overtook you, or were they always lurking about?

I've been a bit up and down with my faith really

come from a staunchly atheistic household- Mum and dad are completely opposed to the existence of religion at all, yet I gained a firh probably when I was in my pre-teens, used to go to guiding events / st john events a lot and they were very religiopus groupings.

That stayed quietly for many eyars until a few yeras ago when i got very disillusioned after we just went through endless crap, and the world did too- Tsunamis etc etc. How could a God allow that?

So I became very atatched to the Humanism movemnt.

Strangley though, since this pregnancy especially i've felt a drawing abck to Christianity- I suspect its a lot to do with beinga way from hom and pg, and a complete lack of any real support or even company. At the same time si Have readdressed a lot of what disillusioned me and looked at that- I now feel very strongly that whilst I do have a faith of sorts, it is absed very much on the quieter, Quaker sort of faith, I am perpetually let down and currenlty very angry at the non_christian behaviour of the local Church community (see my educaiton thread!) and find myself retreating further away from that ntion to one where I just try and follow my own understanding. I do often feel i would like to attend Quaker meetings to see if that appeals as much as I think is likely, but logistically rihght now thats not feasible.

Mary - I should have remembered how long Reader training takes - I think had I gone for ordination that would have been quicker! The CD is by the very well known Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, who comes from Vietnam. It's a mixture of meditations and teachings to enable mindfulness, or living in the moment plus some poetry and chanting. Peachy will probably know more about this but Thich Nhat Hanh came to the West's attention during the Vietnam war and he went to the US to campaign against it. His writings contain lots of references to his Christian friends who learned about mindfulness from him; I believe he knew Thomas Merton. I am reading The Miracle of Mindfulness by him but have decided I really need to get his Living Buddha, Living Christ.

I am sorry that things haven't gone as you hoped, NSFN, but I know that you will make peace with it. xxxx

Edam, if it feels right, however much it doesn't make sense, then go for it. I had a good look at paganism recently but although it was something I had often felt drawn to and I think it teaches many lovely things, physically my body was telling me it didn't feel right. Since stumbling across Taoism completely by accident, and then learning of its relation to Buddhism, I am amazed that this is the path I am taking b/c it was something that I never used to 'get' - but now it is totally right for me. Funnily enough my dd2 has taken to going into our village church where she was baptised when we are out walking - I think she finds the vastness exciting. (Btw dd1 is still massively into her steam engines and now so is dd2!)

Suebaroo, the intellectual doubts were always there. They didn't matter when I was experiencing a living faith, b/c I could just put them down to human frailty (mine, and also the people compiling the NT/ St. Paul/the council of Nicea etc etc!) Once teh living faith went the intellectual doubts obviously mattered more, and eventually that was the only part of my faith that I had left.

Thank you harrisey...with all the reading of the past few yrs I am theologied out, but will make a note of those books just in case! But please don't be sad for me, whatever is going on is, very slowly, bringing me more peace than I have ever known.

Peachy, how are you doing, how is the sickness? I remember some of the stuff you posted before about your local church We have some exceptionally good people at our local church but even so the church ultimately serves itself. I have the opposite problem to you, I live near a Quaker town with meeting house and school, if we don't relocate we hope to send the dcs there at secondary level. But I can't find anything locally for Buddhism or even meditation or mindfulness. I might give the Quakers a try just for the silence, I have a book by Jim Pym who is both a Quaker and a Buddhist - but then even that feels a bit too organised for me at times. I did have a long look at Quakerism when I was losing my faith as I hoped it would incorporate my belief in a deity with my disbelief in any creed.

Selection is a darn sight quicker for Reader training though! From my expressing an interest, to starting training, was about 5 months! I feel like my feet haven't touched the floor!

So, continue to indulge me please, what IS mindfulness, and what is it about the CD, particularly the teachings (rather than the meditation) that aid in this? I personally gain a great deal from meditation, it helps me cope with the stresses of life and the fallibility of humanity (wow that sounds profound, but for me, God never lets me down, but humans frequently do!)

Harrisey, if you get expelled from bible college for this, then they don't deserve you! Too many people close their minds to what's around them - I believe people should be sensitive to the beliefs and needs of others, and not be too hasty in jumping in with condemnation. If that puts me out of synch with the C of E, then so be it. Lets face it, I wouldn't even be IN the C of E, if I hadn't been out of synch with the RCC!

I can recommend "Free of Charge" by Miroslav Volf. Not so much theology as a journey through a thought process. Its about giving and forgiving, and I defy anyone not to gain some sense of worth and goodness from the book, no matter what their beliefs. I'd never heard of the author, but picked it up cheap in a charity shop. I've a feeling it will always reside on my bookcase (unless its being read or lent out...)

Mindfulness is living in the moment. Thich Naht Hanh gives the example of washing the dishes. If you wash dishes thinking of the cup of tea you will drink when it is done, then for the time that you are washing the dishes you are not really alive - you are thinking of a time - the future, the drinking of the cup if tea - that doesn't exist, instead of enjoying the miracle of you, in the kitchen, washing up.

I will post more tomorrow, thought i was awake enough for this but I'm not!

That's a good quote, STT

mary, mindfulness comes rom the original path that buddhists are supposed to follow- the eightfold path- and right mnded ness is one of those precepts. Its about total awareness, and acceptance; of what the world is now, that it is constantly changing, that you are but a small aprt in the picture- I think that mindulness 9which is supposed to be constant rather than an occasional awareness) anlong with right thought are perhaps two of the ahrdest hurdles for Buddhists- it's a bit like the Christian acceptance that god can know what you are thinking, in that it forces you to accept responsibility for more than just the observable parts of your existence.

if that makes sense?

STT, not so abd now- every toher day, am 12 weeks in afew days so fngers crossed it starts to let off . Will be worth it in the end!

Hrrissey- hiya, haven't seen you about for a while , and there I was thining I would stalk you (Threology is this years Uni theme LOL.... )

Hi Peachy!
Theology is great, I have loved it this year. Been so wide ranging, so many things to think about (what is the meaning and mission of the church? what is the meaning of atonement? where does our work fit in with God's work? How do we contextualise the message of the bible? etc etc....)

If you want to talk about it, then do! This year its Christology and New Perspectives on Paul, History of Evangelicalism, OT Theology, 20th C theology, Latin American Theology.......

I'd be fascinated to know what you are covering as part of comparitive religion as my course is deliberately CHristian focused. I love to share ideas for reading etc......

STT - mindfulnes reminds me of Brother Lawrence 'The Practice of the Presence of God'. Arent all the parallels amazing?

Of course, you know of the theory (can't reference it, was mentioned only briefly but cauht my imagination) that the wise men who came to visit Jesus were Buddhist teachers who taught him the humanity that is such a feature of his teachings....

Tahnks Harissey, we've done a Christinaity module each year (Paul, historical developments, etc)- this year we have the local Father coming in to run a module which qualifies us should we wish to do our teaching in a Faith school- a specialist module that the RE MA also takes; then there is a wider based module where each section is taught by a representative of a different community- Baptist, Quaker, methodist etc.

Really looking forwards to that!

As well this year we have Eastern Thought, which is mroe advanced Hindu and Jain philosophy (scary), and a module of Eastern Culture which I am not takinga s I am doinga self teach module (equivalent to half a dissertation) in Buddhism (the Boddhisattva), and then our Dissertations- mine is also Christianity based.

It ws only finding this house that stopped me doing Theology, as it isn't offered here- was offered it elsewhere (Bristol). Would have been fascinating, and although I am glad I have that wider focus, I do like the Theology based stuff we have done so it may have suited me- if I can't go into teaching staright away (RE teaching courses being fairly inaccessible geographically, a 2 hour each way daily commute being considered acceptable), my dream is simply to be in a library surrounded by piles of Faith texts - I am odd like that!

Does losing my faith for 2 days count?

Apologies to STT for popping on this thread and making random comments without follow-up. I've had connection problems, I wasn't just being rude