Back at the start of August I rang our local church to ask about arranging a baptism for DD2, who was just gone 2 months old at the time. We moved into the parish in Jan, and although I'm not a church regular, I have been to mass and since Easter have been going more often.
I was put through to the catechist co-ordinator, who firstly grilled me on what part of my road I lived on, to make sure I was really in the parish boundaries; somewhat like trying to get on a GP's list really. She then told me to see her after mass the following Sunday to fill in the form for new parishioners and then we'd talk about baptism.
She asked me to bring back the form the following week, but since I was away for the next two Sundays and she the Sunday after, I asked her could I fill it in there and then so we could get started. She gave me a booklet about Godparents and another form and told me to give her the second form the next time I saw her. Asked if I could fill in that form straight away, given the timing of holidays, but she insisted I take it away. She told me there was a pre-baptism course we needed to do (fine), before we booked a date (ok), but that she didn't know when the next course would be (unhelpful), but that there was usually one a month. Wasn't here last weekend so was up at 8.30 mass this morning with the (short) form filled in and a copy of my baptism certificate and baby's birth certificate.
She chose that time to tell me that since they didn't know me in this parish, I would have to get a letter of introduction from my last parish. Told her that we've moved around a lot (7 addresses in 5 years) and that I only met the previous priest once or twice when I worked at the homeless shelter and that he might not remember me. (I'm not the sort who goes introducing myself after mass). She said that my other option was to wait 6 months until they knew me in this parish. So I'm really starting to feel at this stage like I'm being punished for not being devout enough and not making myself known at church. She then says that she'll "contact me about course dates after she gets the letter from Fr. So and So". Now if she'd told me I needed the letter four weeks ago, I could have had it waiting for her when she got back from holiday. That's just for starters. And if the last priest doesn't remember me, then if it wasn't for the fact that DH's dad is a Eucharistic minister and we're known in his parish (and can prob get some sort of "reference" from there), then I'd be rightly stuck. She's basically telling me that I've no right to have my baby baptised until she's 9 months old because I'm not known at the church.
As it is, she's said that she's not doing the pre-baptism course this month and it will likely be at the end of October. Well DD2 will already be 5 months by then. DH's sister, the Godmother, is due her baby at the start of November so it would be December before we could guarantee her attendance, which of course is Advent and a busy time at church.
I came home from mass today and cried my eyes out. I thought that the one place I'd feel welcome after moving to a new area would be at church and I feel like this woman is trying to test my faith when she has no right to do so. I'm trying to do the right thing and get my baby baptised and welcomed to the church and if I do things her way, then the child could be 9 months old before it happens. Even if DH's sister was free in November, that's still a whole 3 months I'm being asked to wait before I'm even allowed to book a date. And then, and only then, can I try to find a date that suits the Godparents and grandparents. I haven't even managed to drag out of this woman if the course is a day, a series of evenings over a number of weeks...
Is it just me? Am I being over-sensitive? I was baptised as an adult, in Ireland, and this woman knows this from the first form she made me fill in. I don't come from a Catholic family so I don't know "the drill". I don't even know if this is normal, but I think she could be helping and encouraging, instead of making me feel like I have to prove my worth.
My adult baptism, first confession and first communion didn't even take three months to complete... And the priest was delighted to have me. I'm so sad. I thought I'd be made to feel welcome at the church and I feel like I'm being shunned for not being a good enough Catholic.
The priest that married us in The City said at Christmas, when he saw I was pregnant, that he'd love to do the baptism. I only said I wanted to do it in our home parish so we could all be welcomed there together, given that we're new and now I feel like we're not wanted.