Helping to overcome a phobia?

[LB600]

I’ve posted before about being scared (terrified) of death and I know people have started threads on this before so I understand people are fairly split between a calm about it; and like me; abject horror.

I’m not a great believer in an afterlife, I know some death doulas recommend reading up on NDEs but I think these to be a creation of our dying brains, not another spiritual plain.

My question is, has anyone sort treatment; CBT/ NLP/ anything that has helped this? I’ve gone from considering it with dread at nighttime, to it consuming my every single waking thought (exhausting and not right)

I’m on 10mg of citalopram, but keen to deal with the issue in other ways as well as the medication. I have to say I haven’t noticed a huge difference from the pills but maybe that’s me.

I suppose I need some hope that it’s possible to banish these thought backs to a level of subconsciousness? The irony is this constant thought of death is ruining my life.

Is it a phobia or severe anxiety? You're projecting yourself into the future a future you know nothing about therefore creating scenarios that are unreal and believing in them.

Oh 100%, that's exactly what I'm doing, I'm running a mental rehearsal of being some frail old lady dying in a hospital bed on repeat!

You're right it's anxiety over a phobia.

I'd just like to be able to get the thoughts back to a subconscious level, no one thinks of dying every minute of the day!

I don’t have much advice other than to say that I totally get this. I have had this fear/phobia/anxiety (whatever you want to call it) for most of my life, I was always able to keep it as a low level fear and get on with my life but for the last few years, since hitting my mid 40’s and have a few niggily health woes myself and my parents and in-laws becoming poorly, the lid has been truly lifted on this fear and it’s now with me all day every day. I understand when you say that it’s ruining your life, I feel this fear has become so overwhelming that I am only existing and almost no longer participating in life because of it. I have tried CBT but it didn’t help but I am back on the waiting list to see if I can give it a second chance. My gp put me of Sertraline (50mg) but I’m too scared to take them. Could you ask for your Citalopram to be upped, would that help a little? Sorry I can’t offer any help but do very much understand.

How long did you try the CBT for? Did it not help slightly?

It's seems mad that some people don't give it a moments thought and then people like me obsess over it endlessly.

I had it for 4 months, just over a year ago. I was doing ok during the sessions and for a while after but unfortunately slipped back I to my old thought habits. I find CBT quite hard going it’s something you have to implement all the time and for me, when life takes a tumble here and there I just end up back where I am. I am willing to give it another go but am wondering if I should try the meds, I think I need something stronger tbh!
I asked my dh the other day if he thinks of it and he said no what is the point as it happens to us all! I know he’s right but I just can not switch off the thought process and when I do I just think about it almost obsessively and it’s just getting worse the older I get!

I totally get it. I wish I could be like that, switch that part of my brain off.

I am hoping there's a level of acceptance I'll reach- and you too! We're all in the same boat.

The thoughts you are having are not real. No thought is real unless you believe in it, then it becomes real.
The thoughts therefore are part of an illusion, an illusion that can be observed but without one attaching.
To try and FIGHT these thoughts creates conflict and that conflict can be overwhelming because you can never win the conflict. Retreat, observe and let the thoughts go past with out giving them any credence.
HTH

I have health anxiety triggered by a health emergency and the underlying force is the fear of death.
I have had CBT and emdr. I credit the CBT with helping me rationalise things and helping me with my thoughts.
I've started to try and see things in the sense of what's the point in spending life worrying- when it's the end it's the end and we will know nothing about it. It's not a life if you spend it waiting for the end.
What is worrying going to achieve? Is there something we can do to stop it? No.

@Spied what did you think of emdr?

@LB600
I'd done a lot of research before agreeing to it. My cbt therapist was trained in EMDR and many of her clients had overcome phobias and issues with EMDR where CBT had not had the desired effect.
For me, I don't believe it actually did much.
I was fully expecting a rush of emotion, feelings brought to the surface and the start of processing however I can honestly say that throughout the sessions and afterwards I felt no changes, as time went on this didn't change. I was dredging up my thoughts then burying them again. ( If that makes sense) no bringing them to surface and processing them out.
CBT and all the hard work, and exposure work was what has really helped.

Thanks @spied

@noego thank you, very true and so much easier said than done. I spoke to my mum over the phone tonight, she didn't get it at all and totally gave me some tough love. Told me to be pragmatic and that I'd ruin my marriage if I didn't "get over" this.

Cheers mother

Everything is easier said than done. Did anyone say this was going to be a quick fix?
A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.