Talking to people in church

[StonedRoses]

This is more of a rant than anything else. I’m probably a confused liberal Anglo-Catholic at the best of times, when I remember to go to church! But going to church on Christmas morning is very important to me. As usual we are are at my lovely in-laws for Christmas. No one else is a Christian so I’ll pop off to the local church by myself.

The church is much more evangelical than mine, and a lot more informal. The people are lovely BUT I don’t want to talk to anyone! I want to come in, sit quietly and contemplate things before slipping quietly out at the end. Everyone insists on saying hello and introducing themselves and asking where I’m from and so on. I really dread the Peace. It goes on for ages. And even involves hugging!!!
I’m well aware I’m a grumpy bugger. They really are a lovely bunch and I can quite respect and even enjoy their different style of worship. Any tips though to avoid everyone?

Maybe try a different denomination?

Evangelical churches are not places you go to be left alone

Try another church?

It’s the only CofE church in the town. Don’t really want to go driving round an area I don’t know!

You should probably try a Quaker meeting house if you want silent contemplation or the chapel of an enclosed order. Sometimes Cathedrals are more anonymous but on the whole a Christian Church at Christmas is going to be/should be welcoming and personal.

Colossians 3:14 Above all, be loving. This ties everything together perfectly.

Go to a Catholic church, no one will speak to you and they do the good Eucharist.

Do they do an earlier service? Our church has an early morning communion which I bet is much quieter and more reflective. I've never been as we go to the later, noisier and more hugging involved family service.

Yes, go Catholic for the day.

Arrive approx 90secs before the service starts, leave immediately after. Do your contemplation in the car.

Go to the loo during the peace if you’re really desperate.

Everyone would talk to you (and even hug) at our Catholic Church!

"a Christian Church at Christmas is going to be/should be welcoming and personal."

That looks different for everyone though. Not everyone is comfortable with hugs and small talk.

Cathedrals. Slide in, enjoy the music, atmosphere and usually good preaching and leave swiftly at the end.

If the lively informal evangelical church is the only gig in town then sit at the back and make a well timed run for the loo at the peace. I'm a contemplative and find the noise of the big services hard. If I have to be part of this style of worship then bowing my head and working on the still centre in a quiet corner means that I can be with the main thing which for me is the Eucharist but not distracted by all the bounce and jollity.

Like I say they are lovely people. For me the focus of any service, but particular Christmas is the Eucharist but I feel for them it’s fellowship. And they mean well but it’s just not comfortable for me - which distracts from the service.

I’d not considered the local Catholic Church because I didn’t know what their attitude to me taking mass would be. I’m ok with it - that works be an ecumenical matter (thanks Father Jack) but wouldn’t want to offend them. Equally wouldn’t want to not take mass on Christmas.
Why is it so complicated!?

I think you might need to travel. The last time I was in a Catholic church, it was made 100% clear that only Catholics were permitted to take communion, any heretics present would just be blessed.

Check out the websites of the C of E churches in range to get an idea of what they're like.

I didn’t know what their attitude to me taking mass would be.

Strictly speaking you aren't allowed and, of course, if Christ taught us anything it was that rules are more important than people. Also, no one will care.

Why is it so complicated!?

It's not. Go Catholic; you get to drink real blood and there might even be insense. What there will not be is any of that human warmth nonsense described above.

(If you really would be bothered you could ask for a blessing instead of having communion. It's from from someone with apostolic succession so bound to be just as magical as evangelical bread and you'd still enjoy the unfriendly service)

People won't even notice if you don't take communion, I've been to Catholic services and just not got up when everyone else went.

Before the service, try kneeling contemplatively in prayer if you can find a kneeler and your knees will allow it. I can't see them interrupting you to say hello if they think you are praying.

During the peace - the toilet suggestion is not bad. You could also try clutching a tissue and telegraphing that you have a cold to prevent anyone getting too close.

Definitely go catholic for the day. It took 6 moths for anyone to speak to me when I started going to my church!

If you put your hands out for communion, they will give it too you. They will be full of visitors. So you can easily blend in. The mass will be very similar to middle of the road Anglican.

Im Catholic. I reckon you'd enjoy the mass. It's probably closer to what you're used to as an anglo Catholic. I went to evensong at St Paul's once and was pleasantly surprised to hear glory be and the creed as I know it. How are you with Mary? There is a hail mary bit at the end of bidding prayers but its only quick.

Strictly should not take communion but I have a methodist friend who has Catholic husband and dc who takes Catholic communion. Im positive she will be fine. Our priest knows and has said he won't turn down anyone who comes with outstretched palms.

Give it a go.

Definitely go Catholic! At my church they wouldn’t care if you had communion (DH is CofE but still insists on going up ) but in any case, if no one there knows you they don’t know that you’re not Catholic. Ours is really welcoming of newcomers but you could totally just sit in the back and not even make eye contact with anyone apart from during the peace.

Our priest knows and has said he won't turn down anyone who comes with outstretched palms.

This, will be the case everywhere. It's only questioned if you take the host and don't know what to do with it. Or don't consume it immediately. My parents are Anglican but will occasionally take communion in my RC church If no one there knows them.

@StonedRoses how did it go? Did you get out unscathed!

For next time - "Any tips though to avoid everyone?" If you genuinely just want to contemplate and avoid people you could go to an open church when no one is there.

Or you could just leave early at the end before the crowd.

The peace is not to everyone's liking, I'd normally only hug people I know well. To others I'd just extend a hand to shake.

Also, to be fair, if we all ignored each other and no one was at all sociable someone else would come here and say how anti-sociable everyone at church is!

@donquixotedelamancha

So much mis-information on Catholic Mass ....
And such an un-Christian response to OP looking for some help to celebrate this Christian festival.
I hope you enjoyed your Christmas, and the New Year brings you much happy and joy.

So much mis-information on Catholic Mass

Fascinating. Which specific things do you think are wrong?

And such an un-Christian response to OP looking for some help to celebrate this Christian festival

Why would you presume particular posters are Christian? Do you see being 'unchristian' as a bad thing?

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas, and the New Year brings you much happy and joy. halo

Two rude comments, followed by a passive aggressive nice one and a halo emoji (presumably that's you in the halo, not me). Ah, your THAT sort of Christian are you?