Brought up in church school and struggling with beliefs as an adult

[SavagelyGardening]

I grew up going to church of England schools. Went to Sunday school etc, it wasn't taught as a belief, it was taught as fact. Now I'm an adult I really struggle with this. I think left to my own devicesid be atheist. But it's like denying my mum and dad are my mum and dad. I was brought up with god as fact so to believe otherwise just seems to go against my nature I suppose. But when I think about it I really struggle with it.

Does anyone else kind of not believe in any god but find it difficult to go against what you were brought up being told?

I'm the opposite. I was raised an atheist by people who scorned God and then married an atheist who scorns God. And then I found God. It's very hard not to think of myself as some soft-brained idiot who believes in fairies which is how God was sold to me all my life. Faith is faith. If you don't have it, that's fine. If you do, that's also fine. If you lose it then find it again, also fine. And every variation of these. The only thing that makes no sense to me is faking faith.

You’re an adult, you are entitled to your own beliefs, or lack of. As long as there is a level of mutual respect and tolerance between you and your family then I can’t see the issue. If however you feel they somehow rejector demonise you for your opinions on religion, then the problem is really with them, not you.

I was raised catholic with catholic schools and constant pushing that god was fact. As I got older, I doubted. Took me about ten years to fully admit that I do not believe in god and I reject everything I was taught. I still find that hard to say.

You feel how you feel and you shouldn't deny yourself your truth. It might be that you need to relearn or reinvest in your faith or that you need to take that final step.

Don't worry about what family will say. We simply don't discuss it.

It's always ok and healthy to question any belief, and is an entirely personal thing. You're not denying your mum and dad who they are to you, you're just questioning your own beliefs. As you question this more deeply you might wonder why you have connected who they are so strongly to what they believe, but that's perhaps a question for another day!

Have you tried looking at books by atheists who looked into Christianity and decided it was true, like Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christianity or J Warner Wallace’s Cold Case Christianity (he’s a cold case homicide detective)? Or the Unbelievable? podcast has some good discussions between Christians and non-Christians (including stories of people converting both ways).

I was brought up agnostic but became a Christian after looking into it for 3 years in my late 20s.

I think the key question is, is it true? There’s a book that makes a good case for its truth - I Don’t Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist by Frank Turek. There’s good reason to think that Jesus rose from the dead. There are presentations of IDHEFTBAA by him on YouTube. There are also debates on subjects like Does God exist? John Lennox and William Lane Craig are particularly good debaters.

HTH!

There’s good reason to think that Jesus rose from the dead.

There really isn't.

@SavagelyGardening I was brought up Catholic but rejected God at 14. Came back to faith at 40. So have a very questioning faith. Was looking for "proof" and rather unbelievably found some. Its been a bit of a shock to discover God actually exists. Found myself wondering if its just magical thinking, mental illness, residual conditioning from my not strict Catholic upbringing (sedms not, Im well balanced and normal, but believe in God, go figure). It helps that the universe is an amazing place and our own tenuous existence is such an unlikely occurance. I see divine creation where others see a bizarre confluence of many random factors.

So back to you. I think its healthy and natural to question Gods existence. If you cant "see" it in creation itself then its harder to find real proof. I dont think anyone can spoon feed you faith. It has to be an adult individual decision. So maybe ask yourself why it matters to you? If you'd happily be an atheist why do you return to the fact of God's existence? Many people drift to atheism through indifference or lack of using their faith. You dont say why you are questioning like this. Do you go to church? Do you pray? Is it really a strict Cof E upbringing that forces you to see God as fact? Or is it your own relationship with God that troubles you?

You say left to your own devices you'd be an atheist. Who is not leaving you to your own devices? You're an adult. No one can force you to believe anything. But before you give up on God entirely try and connect with him/her/it. I prayed for help with my unbelief. An insane prayer that bizarrely helped me. "Lord I believe. Help me with my unbelief". I now also pray to have an open heart and an open ear for God's word.

If this is something you want to explore further definitely speak to your local parish priest (or other denominational leader). I think you might benefit from a Spiritual Director to talk this things through, your Diocese is the place to start. Questions are great. Faith should not be totally blind!

Thank you for all the replies. No one is forcing me, if anything my family aren't really that religious, it's more a struggle within myself, I was brought up believer everything a hard fact, but now, even though I don't think I believe, I find it hard because it's like I'm going against what I've "known" to be true for many years.

Maybe it isn't even a real struggle, I just feel a little conflicted

I'm familiar with several books that @cheesecakefan recommended and have personaly read Lee Strobel's books The Case for Christ and The Case for Faith.
In my twenties when questioning everything related to faith in God, I read More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell and ended fully believing the testimony of Jesus Christ.
I hope you pursue finding answers to any questions you may have about God, op. I believe this is the most important decision one can make in life.

This isn't meant to be patronising but I often (in my work in the RC Church) come across adults whose understanding of God and faith is stuck at the level of what they were taught at church school. Depending on how good the school was and how engaged the pupil was, this often means that they believe God to be what the average teacher will explain to a child - and accept or reject his existence on this basis. If people imagine God to be like the children's books - sitting on the clouds, old bearded white guy, basically a more powerful and longer-living human, then it's not surprising they reject/question that, in fact it's the only healthy response in an adult.

Maybe you believe in God, maybe you don't, but it might help to think about what concept of 'God' you have so you know whether what you do/don't believe in is what Christianity (or another major faith tradition) teaches God to be.

@Fink
Very insightful comment!
I completely agree...

Im now reading 'the Reason for God: Belief in an age of Scepticism' by Timothy Keller which is a logical look at the rationality of belief in God. Im finding it very helpful.

You dont have to deny what your parents taught you, you can still be a cultural christian and engage in all the rites and rituals you were brought up with. The culture of christianity is not dependant on believing a literal god exists.

It is really normal to go through stages of faith as we grow older. The faith of a child who accepts everything their parents (or teachers) tell them is very different to that of the the questioning child/teen/adult and also different to that of the second half of life contemplative who is comfortable with mystery and paradox. Depending on how technical you want to get there are other stages in between. Some people stay happily at earlier stages. Others are full blown contemplative in their thirties but that is not common. All are valid.

If you no longer have the faith of a child that is OK. It is reasonable to grieve the loss but it is also normal to ask lots of questions and explore whether there might be another way of expressing faith and the books suggested here are some of the ones I read at that stage. For me it was Mere Christianity by C S Lewis that helped me begin to put together the questions I wanted to ask. It is a bit dated now.

So blessings on your questions and uncertainty. It may not be comfortable but it is normal.