Am I expecting too much of my mum?

[Musicalstatues]

I wasn’t sure where to post this so I thought I’d try here. My mum is a very committed Christian. It is without doubt the most important part of her life and this has been the case since I was a young child.

Myself and dh are not religious at all. We’re not raising our children to believe anything in particular, they are free to have all information and make their own decisions. Despite this very big difference in my and my mum we have a great relationship, we just tend to avoid any discussion about religion.

Our eldest is 7. He is recently got massively into Harry Potter. We have just been on holiday and one of the things he got was a Harry Potter interactive wand that does ‘real’ spells (where we were on holiday) He took it to show her yesterday and she was completely dismissive of him, just frowned and said ‘oh ok’. She obviously disapproves of Harry Potter as it’s about magic but is it asking too much for her to show some interest in things he’s really excited about? I honestly don’t know. I mostly put up with things she does or says that are related to her beliefs even when I wish she might not say some of these things to my children, but for some reason this has really upset me. I should add that she is a brilliant grandma and both dc adore her and vice versa.

Any thoughts?

Just saw your post that she doesn't support marriage equality. Which is ridiculous. Theology wise marriage is an Old Covenant (Old Testament) idea. The New Covenant (Jesus death on the cross) doesn't require marriage at all so we should all just be celibate. Oh wait, that's ridiculous. And no one should use contraception or marry later in life or be CFBC. Oh wait...

Sorry for the snark but yeah. This theological issue is an interesting one. And there is more to it. But I swear people miss most of the Bible when saying marriage equality is wrong.

All Christians may believe that Jesus is the son of God and in the Trinity but after that you can have a wide range of understanding and beliefs on many other topics. The ancient churches such as Catholic, Orthodox and Copts will have a well developed theology around concepts of magic and calling on powers which are not explicitly of God. There are over 30,000 different Protestant churches worldwide so their own theology on this topic can vary widely. Also culture has a large part to play, some cultures can have a very rich and complex understanding of magic and "dark powers" so that Christians in those cultures see themselves in a state of constant spiritual warfare.

I have met Christians who are very anti Harry Potter, they don't want their children reading the books and have a very suspicious attitude to anything HP.

I am Catholic and we have literary traditions which examine Christian beliefs within allegory. Tolkien who wrote "The Lord of the Rings" for example, was a devout Catholic. When it comes to HP my understanding is that JK Rowling is a Christian herself and her books are rich with Christian themes and morality. Resurrection and redemption are obvious ones, then sacrificing yourself for the love of others and the greater good. Harry and his friends have character traits such as loyalty, trust, truthfulness, courage, teamwork, equality, freedom, love, overcoming personal weaknesses, tenacity and the importance and value of friendship itself. The over arching theme is good vs. evil and of course good wins.

If you are interested in a Christian resource written by a devout Catholic mother who is very enthusiastic about HP, I would recommend this book books.google.com/books/about/The_Mystery_of_Harry_Potter.html?id=S9eDtAEACAAJ&source=kp_book_description
To give you lots of good arguments from a Christian perspective if you would like to defend the series on her terms.

Otherwise you may need to appreciate that as you said immediately your mum's faith is what she bases her identity around. That won't change. She also probably sincerely believes she is protecting your grandchildren's souls from harm. I think you'd have more success if you adopted a live and let live approach.

As for gay marriage you are both right in terms of explaining to your children. The UK government endorses gay marriage and it is legal. Most Christian churches believe in the traditional marriage of one man and one woman, so both forms of marriage can co-exist.

But OP's mum said that two men or two women can't get married. Which is incorrect.

On the HP thing, I don't think she's done much wrong. She didn't say anything preachy or make a big deal, she just didn't engage. If she believes it to be harmful, then she's treated it pretty lightly and has been respectful of your different opinions.

On the gay marriage thing, it may just have been a reflexive response. I would reiterate with her that you'd prefer her to leave it too you and dh to handle moral/ethical/ philosophical questions from dc in the future. If she accidentally slips up again, imo it would be perfectly acceptable and polite to add to her response something along the lines of 'They can't in Granny's church, but they can in other places.'

If she deliberately undermines your parental choices and answers questions you have told her you would prefer you and dh handle, then it becomes a problem and you need to deal with it. But at the moment it doesn't seem, from the information you've given, that that's the case.

Some Christian members of our family would actively be very unhappy about even having a toy wand near them. So I think your mum was trying to be diplomatic by changing the subject. I would cut her some slack assuming she is normally interested in her grandchildren.

Valmiina pyryyn ja