Not coming to child's birthday party on a Sunday

[TheZebraCrosser]

I've received an RSVP response from a parent who is a fellow Christian declining an invitation to a child's birthday party meal at 5pm on a Sunday 'as they keep Sundays for church services and fellowship'

Er, surely celebrating a child's birthday is fellowship.?

I feel a tad irked by this almost as if I'm being scolded for daring to do something as evil as having a birthday party on a Sunday.

Sigh,,,, are there really still such legalistic attitudes?!

I'm unsure how to respond. Any ideas?

Holy means set apart for God.
For what it’s worth I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong by having a party on a Sunday, but also I don’t think she is doing anything wrong by declining the invitation and I admire her stance.
I do think it is wrong to judge her for her beliefs though.

Op you are judging them, you called their attitude legalistic and Pharisaical and then said both of those things were wrong becuase that's not what Jesus said. How is that not judgemental?

Now thry might be critical judgemental people who believe beyre superior and were therefore digging at your poor interpretation of your shared religion.

Or they might have been giving yo us reason so you didn't think they just said no cos they couldn't be arsed to come.

But you are definately judging them on how they practise their religion

They were judging you OP which in return made you defensive and judge them back a little. A simple no would have prevented any of this.

My family are traditional Catholic - for them there’s no sex before marriage, no contraception within a marriage and certainly no living in sin. My grandmother refused to see me on her death bed as I was co-habiting rather than married.
When my fiancée visits me at my parents house he sleeps in the spare room and I’m 37 and he’s 44. When we are married this is likely to continue, as even though we’ll be getting married in a Christian church, it’s not a specific trad Catholic ceremony, so in the ‘eyes of god’ we are not truly married.
Not all Catholics would agree with this hard line approach, because everyone is different.

There are children in my child's class who would do the same. Their parents are if the Scottish Highland "wee Free" persuasion. Church morning and evening on a Sunday. Lunch, walk and reading in between. No television. No music. No sport. No going out and doing frivolous things. Certainly no parties.

You are seriously overreacting, and the fact you think they have meant you cannot hold a party on a Sunday is saying more about you than them.

You feel you're being judged because you appear to be rather judgemental yourself.

Their reply to you was polite, you are reading far too in to it.

Religion is personal, you may be of the same faith but your values and practices differ. This is normal.

"we keep Sundays for church services and fellowship'"

Yep, sanctimonious.
People are telling the OP that she should simply say 'thankyou for letting us know', and that anything else would be judgy. Well the other parents could also have said 'sorry, we can't make it' and not been judgy, too.

I feel really awkward declining an invitation without giving a reason, I always think that if I just say "sorry, we can't make it" the host might think we just don't want to come and haven't got a real reason not to. So I always say why, which is what they've done too. I really don't think they are judging you.

Actually OP, I do think there was a touch of holier-than-thou in her text. Absolutely. I’d have the same feeling as you, but I’d still just say thanks and forget it.

Why so irked?
There are a million different flavours of religion, that's just their take.
Maybe they just wanted to explain

I do think it is wrong to judge her for her beliefs though.

But not wrong for her to judge mine apparently!

Well then you get to be the better Christian by not judging her don"t you.

Wedint know if she was judging or explaining. We def know you are.

Op you are judging them, you called their attitude legalistic and Pharisaical and then said both of those things were wrong becuase that's not what Jesus said. How is that not judgemental?

Er, because I am following what Jesus said?

What he says is, by definition, actually "gospel".

So own your judgement. I'm not saying your right or wrong. But this "I'm feeling so judged, it's awful being judged, I'd never judge someone" attitude is clearly nonsense.

You're aggrieved because you're right and she's wrong. You're doing what Jesus wants and she isn't. She has the audacity to think she's doing Christianity better than you when clearly you are because your the better Christian.
That's what you believe so at least own it.

I'm not judging her. I have no problem with her interpretation of what she wants to do. I just feel the subtext of the reply was implying criticism.

If I have overreacted then so be it.

I posted on the Religion topic because I was interested to hear how other people interpreted 'Sunday following'.

I didn't mean to start an argument and in any event even if she did mean to judge me, I would forgive her.

I would certainly not let it affect my relationship with her.

I think many posters have missed the point and are simply rushing in to tell me I'm judging her. Maybe I am; maybe I'm not? It's a matter of opinion and everyone (including me) is entitled to have one.

I still feel it was unnecessary to point out why she was declining but as others have said, maybe she felt it would be ruder not to explain.

I respect others opinions and was canvassing thoughts.

Sleeping- I'm sorry but that is emphatically not what I believe, of meant.

You are putting words in my mouth.

Sleeping- if there is any judgement here (there isn't any intended) then it would be Jests judging the Pharisees for criticising him for doing good on the sabbath. There are many examples in scripture of this.

There is nothing bad or wrong in holding a party for a child on a Sunday.

"Suffer the little children" ... etc (I'm assuming you know the bible..?)

Actually OP, I do think there was a touch of holier-than-thou in her text. Absolutely. I’d have the same feeling as you, but I’d still just say thanks and forget it.

Justhere- thanks, that's what I'm minded to do.

I'm glad it wasn't just me who felt that way.

I missed this post bug thank you I think this poster summed it up well:

• I think you are probably viewing it through the prism of old drummed in guilt. The other Christian probably didn’t mean any of the perceived implied dig. You have done nothing wrong as a Christian. I don’t think it’s wrong of them either. We all have our own approaches to our faith.

The detail was probably added because they felt like you were owed an explanation.*

I think it's a shame that you're assuming the family's choice to protect their Sundays for particular activities is rooted in legalism. It seems that your own difficult experiences in your family of origin are perhaps influencing your perspective here...?

Perhaps this family have found joy, freedom, and genuine rest by protecting their Sundays in this way. Perhaps they encounter Jesus in a deeper and more meaningful way by slowing their pace and being judacious about the commitments they make for that day of the week.

There's nothing in the Mum's text you quoted which implies in any way that they're following a 'rule' or that they expect you to do similarly.

I choose the discipline of fasting at times because I find freedom and meet Jesus through it. I choose the discipline of silence at times because I find freedom in it and meet Jesus though it. Somebody looking at me might think I'm enslaved to 'rules' but they'd be wrong.

Captain, good for them if that's the case. I wish them all joy.

And I'm not assuming anything exactly. It's just a matter of interpretation and several others in this thread have agreed that it does come across a bit "we're better Christians than you.."
so it's not just me interpreting it that way.

We never went to parties on a Sunday, the only exception was my leaving party planned by my best friend when I moved schools.
We also had church in the afternoon depending on where we were living at the time, and never had our own birthday parties on a sunday. Would always be on a Saturday or other day of the week but we would still open presents etc from family on our birthday regardless of what day it fell on.

I don't see any problem with it. Some people are more relaxed than others, and then you have the really strict Christian parents like my DM (DF and DSM are more relaxed about certain things.)

Sigh,,,, are there really still such legalistic attitudes?!

That does sound like you're making an assumption....