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Original poster

Church wedding questions

14 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 04/04/2019 19:53

Hello all We're still in the planning / thinking of what we want stages at the moment but I was wondering if you'd be happy to try and answer a few questions.

I haven't been to a church wedding in years so I'm unsure of the process. How long is a church wedding in terms of the ceremony itself? Can you celebrate communion after exchanging vows so that the first time celebrating communion as husband and wife would be on the actual wedding day? What's the etiquette in terms of what happens afterwards in the sense of should or would you invite the vicar to the meal afterwards? Ideally we'd be looking at church service, a few photos and then off to a local restaurant for a meal and I don't know if it's etiquette to invite the vicar or if they'd be too busy / find it weird/ not be interested etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 04/04/2019 19:55

Pressed post too early. I know most churches do a pre wedding course with you. What happens there and is there any benefit to a couple who have already lived together for years? We've already discussed most of the big issues or come across a lot of the things I've been told are discussed at the course.

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itsinchicago · 04/04/2019 19:56

Church ministers are often invited to wedding receptions, but usually the B & G are regular members of the congregation, so they would know the vicar well.

CatToddlerUprising · 04/04/2019 19:57

In my local churches the pre marriage courses are mandatory and you have to have frequent church attendance

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 04/04/2019 20:00

Church ministers are often invited to wedding receptions

Ahh that's good so we wouldn't be considered weird if we invited them. Thanks.

@CatToddlerUprising I get that they're mandatory but is there any actual benefit of you've lived with that person for years?

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BlueMerchant · 04/04/2019 20:04

I think it's good manners to ask the vicar to the reception but unless you are regular church goers I really don't think they would attend. I wouldn't send an invite. I'd simply let them know they are welcome to join you for celebrations after the service.
I have never personally known a wedding where there is communion afterwards.
The wedding services vary. The C of E wedding I attended last year lasted around 40 minutes. All the wedding services I've attended have lasted around this long although I think it will obviously depend on the church and the couple.

CherryPavlova · 04/04/2019 20:11

I think it varies enormously from church to church and how involved in the parish you are. A Catholic ceremony can either be a nuptial Mass (about an hour/hour and a quarter) or a rite of marriage without Mass (half hour/forty minutes). Anglican is about half an hour, I think.

My daughter is having Anglican because her fiancée is more comfortable with that and because the vicars marrying them are also friends. They will come to the wedding breakfast with their family.

No pre-marriage course, as such, but chats over coffee a few times. They go to church with us when here but aren’t exactly regular attenders. Sometimes they come to Mass and sometimes come to Anglican services (we live next door to the church, so despite being Catholic we feel part of the Anglican parish too).

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 04/04/2019 20:17

We're hoping to become regulars over the next few months. We'd like to find a church within the next couple of months and then hopefully use that one for our wedding next year. We're Anglican so would like to marry in an Anglican church. Chats over coffee sound lovely

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CherryPavlova · 04/04/2019 20:32

Pretty 11th century church too! I think it’s easier because the vicar knows them both quite well already.

Tiggles · 10/04/2019 23:25

I haven't taken many weddings but I've only once been invited to a reception. The couple were regulars at church so we knew them well. I'd be very touched to be invited to a reception but certainly don't expect it at all.

Taking communion is entirely down to choice of the couple. I don't often offer as an option but would never say no if asked. Our standard wedding service in church in Wales contains communion so it isn't an odd request at all.

Tiggles · 10/04/2019 23:29

A service without communion is about 30mins. Plus time to sign registers. Time for bride to arrive late and have photos before coming in!

Some churches offer a course I often just meet with the couple for an informal chat. Talk a bit about the service, a bit about marriage itself. But really just like to get to know you as a couple so can make your day special and relevant for you.

BackforGood · 10/04/2019 23:49

30 - 40 mins for an 'ordinary' service (without communion) - depends how many hymns / how many verses the hymns have / how long the presbyter speaks for / how long the prayers are / if you faff around signing the register & having photos at that time, etc.

IME it is pretty unusual to have communion, but you certainly can. If all your guests are having communion too, then that will add on to the length of the service.

You can invite the presbyter, but people only tend to when they are friends with them, through being involved members of the Church - there is certainly no 'expectation'.

The course is for the Church to ensure you have thought through all the big questions and it is a genuine union of two people in love. It isn't an 'optional thing', it is part of what you agree to by asking for a Church wedding.

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 11/04/2019 07:34

The course is for the Church to ensure you have thought through all the big questions and it is a genuine union of two people in love.

Really then it's just as much for the church as it is for the couple, which would make a lot of sense. I do like the fact they do that as there feels like a lot more support than having a non-religious ceremony.

Time for bride to arrive late

Ahh I'm not sure he'd let me be late (we'd be arriving together). I'm sure just for one day I can make an effort to not be late for once in my life

@Tiggles are you church in Wales? That's interesting how there is a difference in service between the two.

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mostlydrinkstea · 11/04/2019 08:18

I'm C of E and a typical wedding ceremony is 30 -40 mins depending on how many hymns you have. I have done a wedding with communion and it doesn't add much time as very few people receive. If you had two hymns and communion you could still be done in 45-50 mins.

I used to work in a big parish with lots of weddings. Brides could not be late as the organist, choir and bell ringers were off to another wedding. Stuff happened, cars broke down, people got ill but I made it really clear that if the bride intended to be fashionable late that was rude and she may well arrive at the church to that I had sent the choir organist and bell ringers onto their next gig.

I'm sure that won't happen!!!

Original poster

MafaldaGregorovitch · 11/04/2019 09:42

I made it really clear that if the bride intended to be fashionable late that was rude and she may well arrive at the church to that I had sent the choir organist and bell ringers onto their next gig.

That's completely understandable! I know how busy vicars can be and that all of the others involved (organist etc) also lead busy lives and would be giving up their time to help us so I wouldn't be late save for emergency type situations.

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