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Original poster

Question for Catholics

17 replies

LoveAngel · 10/07/2007 10:28

My husband was raised a Catholic, but lapsed in adulthood. We weren't married in the Catholic church and didn't have our son baptised. However, in the last year or so my husband has been talking quite a lot about rejoining the church. It seems he is quite serious about this, and he is also talking about sending our son to Catholic school. We have had quite a few long conversatins about this and it seems like it has become really important to my husband.

I don't know how I feel about this to be honest. I don't have massive objections - my family are Irish Catholic, although my parents both left the church before I was born so I wasn't raised in a religious environment. However, I am sure some of my beliefs are at odds with the Catholic church (for example, I'm staunchly pro-life).

My husband reckons we can have our son baptised as long as I have some instruction and promise to raise him a Catholic - I don't have to necessarily become a Catholic myself. But would this be hypocritical? To raise my child in a faith which I myself was not part of?

I am quite confused about what to do for the best. Has anyone been in a similar situation, or have any advice for me?

Thanks

OP posts:

DumbledoresGirl · 10/07/2007 10:30

There are plenty of "mixed" marriages out there where one parent is raising their child in a faith they don't personally believe in. You won't have to do much as it will be dh's duty to see your son attends Mass, etc. It will mostly come down to sending him to a Catholic school I should think.

The bottom line is, do you feel comfortable doing this?

SueBaroo · 10/07/2007 10:32

However, I am sure some of my beliefs are at odds with the Catholic church (for example, I'm staunchly pro-life).
-------

Did you mean to say pro-life there?

Original poster

LoveAngel · 10/07/2007 10:38

Suebaroo - Sorry, NO I didn't mean to say pro-life at all (massively weird Freudian slip!). I meant pro-choice.

I'm not opposed to my son going to a Catholic school. I know they generally provide a much better standard of educatiuon, discipline and pastoral care than other state schools, at least in London anyway, so its probably a plus...I think?! still a bit confused.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 11/07/2007 07:25

I think the first step is to have a chat with the priest. It might be a good move (if he hasn't done already) if your husband starts going to church again to show his commitment. I'm not even sure if you'd need to receive instruction - that's usually marriage instruction (which also covers raising the children as Catholics).

I think most of the awkward questions will be for your husband TBH. If he is to go to mass regularly, then I should imagine the priest will raise the issue of your marriage not being seen as valid in the eyes of the RCC. Do you know if you have been baptised?

I wouldn't raise the "pro-choice" bit unless the priest does. You aren't expected to have the same beliefs as your husband, but it might muddy the waters as the RCC regards abortion as murder.

amyclaramum · 11/07/2007 09:11

I am a Catholic and my DH is an atheist which has caused problems in the past in deciding what to do with the DD's. But he has not been for any instruction and wouldn't go anyway -its my faith so its my responsibility ! However in my experience the priest would never raise the question of your marriage being valid or not. He'd probably just be delighted to see additions to the congregation !! Good luck with what you decide to do.

Leati · 11/07/2007 09:23

If this is really important to your husband then work with him. Take time to explain to your son, that you don't necessarily agree with everything about the catholic religion. When your child is old enough then he will have seen both side and can decide for himself.

cazee · 11/07/2007 21:03

It is not necessary for you to promise to raise the child Catholic, only for the Catholic parent to do so. The fact that your marriage did not take place in a Catholic church will not prevent your son from being baptised. However, if your husband does return to the faith then this may become an issue for him, as he won't be able to receive communion until the marriage is recognised by the church.

cornsilk · 11/07/2007 21:04

It's fine if you are not catholic. There are plenty of chn in catholic schools from other faiths.

nickytwotimes · 11/07/2007 21:09

btw, loveangel, i am a practicing catholic who is pro choice. we even have an organisation - catholics for a free choice. my dh is a non believer, bu tin our case he is quite comfortable with the whole raising kids issue. it is very important you are both comfortable with whatever decision you come to. (sorry, stating the obvious!). as for "instruction" for you, dh has never had any and we married in the church and had ds baptised.

sweetkitty · 11/07/2007 21:17

My DDs were baptised recently, DP is a practising catholic I am and athiest and we aren't married. The priest was fine with it and never mentioned it to me. DP had to promise to bring them up catholic and they will go to catholic school. When they are old enough I will explain to them why I don't believe in God and they can make up their own minds about religion.

mozhe · 11/07/2007 21:22

Catholics are a wide ranging bunch.....I am one, but also consider myself more pro-choice than I believe you are 'supposed' to be....We european catholics are greatly in favour of primacy of conscience
The schools are generally good so that may swing it for you....

Tommy · 11/07/2007 21:31

you don't mention how old your DS is - is he still pre school? If so, it will only be your DH that will have to make the promises for him - not you.

I am another practising Catholic with a non-believing DH (as are mot of my friends!)

A (very unreligious) friend of mine's daughter has just been baptised - at age 8. It was entirely her decision and, since my friend and her DH are not Catholics at all, they couldn't make any promises for their DD.

I think you may be pleasantly surprised that most Catholic priests will be happy to chat with you about all sorts of issues anf hopefully won't judge you

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/07/2007 21:42

I went to convent school and am completely lasped. So to be Catholic - your husband does NOT beleive in - sex outide marriage, contraception, abortion, and DOES beleive in purgatory, eternal damnation, that beleivers in a religion run by people who take a vow of chasity are meant to have babies all the time and live in poverty. The leaders of the Catholic church take a vow of poverty - yet look at how the pope and all his cardinals live!!
Is it more about the school than his actual beliefs?
My mother is not Catholic but we all went to catholic primary school and then the convent as my dad is catholic.
Oh and Catholic priests have such a record for paedophilia.
My boys are going to non-church schools and can make their own minds up later on. Sweetkitty, how can they make up their own minds later on if you have had them baptised Catholic and made their minds up for them?
Sorry to go on!

Tommy · 11/07/2007 21:52

Er.... flibberty - think you may have a slight chip on your shoulder there.

And please get your facts right - church leaders do not take a vow of poverty, purgatory is no longer a doctrine and I have never heard any Catholic priest or teaching that speaks of eternal damnation.

Not sure either about the "record" for paedophilia...

If you haven't noticed, we are in the 21st Century now - you obviously haven't been near a Catholic church in years

meeshy · 11/07/2007 21:59

When I met my husband he was a lapsed catholic from a very religious irish catholic background - we got married in a catholic church to mollify hs parents.

When ds1 was born dh wanted him to be baptised so we did that then when ds2 was born something wierd happened - dh felt that it would be good to teach the boys about god etc so he started taking them to church each sun and they all really started to enjoy it. With kids it is all about empathising with others and being thoughtful rather than lots of thorny issues like abortion etc and it is really good for their personal development.

ds3 is 2 now and we all go together and I actually enjoy it. It is family time where I get to do some thinking and contemplation. Does that make me a catholic ? Maybe not but my point is you don't have to endorse everything about a particular religion to get something out of it.

Flibbertyjibbet · 11/07/2007 22:11

Catholic priests and nuns still take vows of poverty and celibacy (chastity for nuns). just checked.

Whether you agree with what I posted or not, thats what was rammed down my throat during 14 years at Catholic schools and why I now state that I am lapsed, and why I would rather let my boys make up their own minds later on by not baptising them into any faith at all.

Night night.

MaryBS · 11/07/2007 23:02

Whilst I on the other hand am also a lapsed Catholic, I also had the years of teaching drummed into me, but I don't see how anyone can make a choice about Christianity if they don't know about Christianity. So I am bringing my 2 up as Christians (in the C of E).
My mother is still Catholic, but I don't hold it against her . There are good and bad in any religion/denomination.

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