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How do I go about forgiving myself

9 replies

rejected2012 · 24/02/2019 22:35

Hello lovely ladies,
I need pointing in the right direction and I know God would be ashamed of me for thinking like this.

I have never had the courage to admit it to anyone but I wish I wasn't here.
In my teenage years just when I thought life couldn't have been better I fell seriously ill and narrowly escaped death but was left with a handicap. Then in my mid 20s I had a child out of wedlock and have been a single mum as the dad walked out. And I have not had a break as it's been one thing after another and I am fed up . I often wish I had died when I was sick to spare me this life of pain.
I am a catholic and I believe in God ; in fact it is the only reason I haven't acted on my feelings because the bible condemns taking your own life and I don't want to go to hell . I know I sound like an awful mother because my child should be the reason and is not . Probably have a better life if I wasn't here. Anyway I am rambling now but I know I need to speak to someone who will help me with spiritually as in counselling or therapy involving the word of God. I have had normal counselling but it didn't help. Does anyone have any idea on how I can go about it. I have tried google but nothing is coming up . Sorry for the essay
Thank you

OP posts:
KMoKMo · 24/02/2019 22:37

I just googled catholic counselling and quite a lot came up. What were you searching?

rejected2012 · 24/02/2019 22:43

@KMoKMo I am looking for a counselling service where the word of God is used . I don't know if I made sense in my OP . Thank you for your reply

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 25/02/2019 06:33

You sound like a lovely person OP. You are wanted, needed and loved. Hopefully if you google as KMoKMo suggested you'll be able to find what you are looking for. Best wishes and God bless.

Madhairday · 25/02/2019 14:50

Firstly, please don't think God is ashamed of you. That's not who God is. You're loved and accepted. The Christian story is not one of shame but of overwhelming love, like the father showed in the story of the prodigal son - not for anything the son had done, but simply because the father loved him. And that's how God sees you.

I wonder if you might think about seeing your GP and asking to be referred to counselling. There are some really good therapies like CBT which can be used to help reprogram scripts in your mind so that you're not telling yourself this stuff anymore, but replacing it with positive things - which is actually a very biblical way of looking at things. If you want to go further into the bible too, perhaps you can find a study group through a church, or read some books - there are plenty of excellent books based around the kind of issues you speak of. But if you are having thoughts about your child being better off without you, I'd really encourage you to see your GP as soon as possible. Please don't worry about it not being Christian counselling - I believe God inspires all that is good and helpful, and there is so much that is helpful in NHS counselling and therapies.

Are you a member of a church at the moment?

rejected2012 · 25/02/2019 19:24

@Madhairday thank you for your reply. I have had cbt and I found it hard to completely open up. It did help for a while but maybe therapy is the next step for me . I did google but I couldn't find anything specific to catholic counselling . Yes I am a member of a Catholic Church and attend every Sunday and sometimes during the week but yet I find my mind wondering when I am there even though I have a lot to pray for . My mind just goes blank. I am just living because I have to . I will try therapy.
Thank you all for your suggestions

OP posts:
BlueDotty · 25/02/2019 19:39

First of all, you need to go easy on yourself. We all struggle, we all have dark thoughts, but you're still here, no doubt you're doing an amazing job under tough circumstances, so take a deep breath and relax.

I'm catholic and lucky enough to have a great priest. Almost every week he says the same things, among all the fresh stuff, but he repeats the important stuff so it goes in. He is always telling us God is love. God loves each and every one of us. We are all worthy of his love and he wants us to be open to it. If ever he talks about sin, he talks about reconciliation and forgiveness. He wants us to be free from sin, or the shackles of guilt, so that we may feel his love. Etc etc.

If you go to church, but aren't getting that warm fuzzy feeling, maybe try a different church for a few weeks and see how that goes.

Perhaps consider going to confession to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. These days they are good at that being incorporated into an informal chat, so you can properly discuss how you feel and get everything out. If you don't want to go to your parish priest, try a more anonymous session at a different church or your nearest cathedral. Ours is pretty much open for confession all day on a Saturday.

Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss further.

But stop thinking God is ashamed of you! He's not!

BlueDotty · 25/02/2019 19:42

Sorry, I was really just thinking about the catholic guilt side of things and thought reconciliation might help. If you're still struggling with feeling like you don't want to be here, I'm sure your priest or perhaps your parish secretary can put you in touch with someone.

rejected2012 · 25/02/2019 20:46

@BlueDotty thank you for your reply. I think I might try the sacrament of reconciliation. I worship at my local cathedral on Sundays and at a local church on the week days . I feel like I have to go if not things might get even worse than they are . I go to confessions and I have found it helpful so might use that to open up since its anonymous. Thank you again for all your kind words Smile.

OP posts:
FloralBuntingIsObnoxious · 25/02/2019 23:16

Yep, go to reconciliation, definitely. It might be worth thinking about Spiritual Direction, which is a kind of counselling or life coaching from a spiritual perspective. I have a friend who has a spiritual director and she finds it very helpful, I think they meet once a month. You priest should be able to help you find one if it's something you want to pursue.

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