First of all, you need to go easy on yourself. We all struggle, we all have dark thoughts, but you're still here, no doubt you're doing an amazing job under tough circumstances, so take a deep breath and relax.
I'm catholic and lucky enough to have a great priest. Almost every week he says the same things, among all the fresh stuff, but he repeats the important stuff so it goes in. He is always telling us God is love. God loves each and every one of us. We are all worthy of his love and he wants us to be open to it. If ever he talks about sin, he talks about reconciliation and forgiveness. He wants us to be free from sin, or the shackles of guilt, so that we may feel his love. Etc etc.
If you go to church, but aren't getting that warm fuzzy feeling, maybe try a different church for a few weeks and see how that goes.
Perhaps consider going to confession to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. These days they are good at that being incorporated into an informal chat, so you can properly discuss how you feel and get everything out. If you don't want to go to your parish priest, try a more anonymous session at a different church or your nearest cathedral. Ours is pretty much open for confession all day on a Saturday.
Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss further.
But stop thinking God is ashamed of you! He's not!