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Original poster

Pretending to pray

45 replies

Offendingeveryoneagain · 23/01/2019 13:20

I am an atheist. I often find myself in situations where people around me are praying. My DS recently admitted that he had not prayed during a school assembly I attended. My mother was absolutely appalled and told him he MUST pray. I have been in the habit recently of bowing my head but not closing my eyes. I don't wish to be disrespectful but we are being targeted by church members at every turn. On the most recent occasion it was quite obvious that I was not joining in the prayers and I was afterwards taken to task by someone who was obviously not deep in prayer at the time either. I am bowing my head but not closing my eyes, not reciting prayers and not saying Amen. I am also not praying in my head.

How do I deal with this without causing further offence and without inviting church members to target me?

OP posts:

Nyx · 23/01/2019 13:24

Taken to task how? I would have thought you'd just say 'No, I wasn't praying because I am an atheist' and that would be the conversation over?

BertrandRussell · 23/01/2019 13:26

Why are you in these situations? I agree that “No, I wasn’t praying because I am an atheist” is the right thing to say if anyone is rude enough to challenge you. But I think you must be in a very unusual situation-can you change it?

Porridgeoat · 23/01/2019 13:27

Surely you just state that you’re not prepared to explain yourself and that they obviously need to be praying harder

Original poster

Offendingeveryoneagain · 23/01/2019 13:28

Taken to task as in given a public dressing down and told I had been very offensive and disrespectful.

OP posts:

Racecardriver · 23/01/2019 13:30

You need to be more assertive. Say that you bowed your head out of respect for what others were doing but you’re not going to pretend to pray because that is ridiculous.

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2019 13:31

I'm unsure why you'd attend a religious service. It's like mine going to a mosque and refusing to do what's asked because I don't believe in it. I just wouldn't go. If out was, say, a funeral, I would bow my head, close my eyes and think about whatever. It's just respectful to do the outer requirement. It doesn't mean you are joining in.

Broken11Girl · 23/01/2019 13:32

That's also what I do, have since late primary school (about yr 5). Perfectly respectful. I have very little need to now though, as an atheist, the odd wedding or funeral etc. I've never had anyone be offended, and have some religious friends to varying degrees, but they are live and let live, or they wouldn't be friends.
What do you mean by church members targeting you? As in trying to convert you?

NannyR · 23/01/2019 13:34

What sort of church members are you talking about? Speaking as a Christian, prayer is a deeply personal thing to each individual, whether you pray out loud or silently, eyes open or closed ,or don't pray at all. No Christian that I know would ever take anyone to task for not praying in the correct way because there isn't a correct way, and if you choose not to pray, that's fine too as long as you are respectfully quiet (which it seems like you were). I'm a lifelong Christian and there have been plenty of times where I've pretended to pray in certain situations.

FadedRed · 23/01/2019 13:35

Can you not avoid attending these situations where prayer is happening?
Maybe suggest that the people who are praying should be paying more attention to their own prayers, rather than be distracted from their worship by checking out on what you are doing? Provided you are just being respectful, not dancing about, tutting, muttering “Bollocks” under your breath and generally disturbing their peace
Maybe suggest they should “Judge not, lest they be judged”.

themueslicamel · 23/01/2019 13:36

I just sit there if I am ever (rarely) in a situation like this, if anyone ever tried to reprimand me, I would loudly, publicly tear them a shiny new arsehole.

Original poster

Offendingeveryoneagain · 23/01/2019 13:36

If I attend a school assembly it is not advertised in advance that a minister of religion will be there. Similarly film screenings and local history events and school sports fixtures. I really had not anticipated a minister of religion to lead prayers to "bless this screening".

OP posts:

53rdWay · 23/01/2019 13:37

Where is this happening? And you aren’t being at all disrespectful.

MerryMarigold · 23/01/2019 13:44

Blimey. Where are you? My son goes to a religious school and there's not that much praying going on. If it's that intense, I'm not sure it's the right school for the child of an atheist.

TopicalUseOnly · 23/01/2019 13:49

Speaking as a regular churchgoer, I would have said your behaviour in that situation was perfect. How dare anyone try to give you a telling-off about it?

Hard to say how you could prevent this happening again, because it shouldn't have happened in the first place! If you feel that you and your son are being 'targeted' by church members in this way, I would seriously consider changing schools (and having a word with your DM, too).

Saying, "I don't pray because I'm an atheist," should be more than enough explanation if you're taken to task. But frankly, you shouldn't have to justify yourself. You tolerate their beliefs. Why shouldn't they tolerate yours?

AldiLidlDeeDee · 23/01/2019 13:51

My DS goes to a Catholic school as it's the nearest school to us, but he's not catholic. I'm an atheist, DH has interests in Buddhism, and DS is too young to decide about following any specific religion.
If I attend an event held in the church (tiny village school with no hall so events are often held in the nearby church), I usually just sit and watch quietly when any prayers are being said.
Mind you, I'm surprised no-one said anything to me at the recent nativity plays evening at the church (they held 4 in succession for the different ages), as I sat listening to an audiobook with my headphones on whilst the other plays were being performed. I did wear a woolly hat so I don't think it was massively obvious if you weren't sat near to me.
DH pretends to pray/closes his eyes but I can't be arsed frankly.

BertrandRussell · 23/01/2019 14:15

I think you’ll have to say more, OP. Otherwise it sounds as if you are posting from rural Ireland in about 1935.

KillJester · 23/01/2019 14:24

“Similarly film screenings and local history events and school sports fixtures.”

!?!?

Where do you live? Afghanistan!?

I’d be rather more assertive with anyone who had a pop at me about not praying in situations where prayer has no business being there!

NannyR · 23/01/2019 14:48

It does seem quite a unique situation. As a church we run all manner of community events, like film clubs etc and no prayer is involved, we might pray as a team whilst setting things up but not at the event - I know of several other churches in the city who run similar things and they are the same.

CrumpBrunette · 23/01/2019 14:50

I never pretend to pray - I don't think it's disrespectful. I'd feel utterly ridiculous if I pretended to!

eurochick · 23/01/2019 15:13

This is baffling. I'm an atheist. It's rare that I have people praying around me but if I do (for example at a funeral) I just have a moment quietly contemplating the deceased or whatever. I can't imagine anyone berating someone for that in any circumstance I have been in. Nor can I imagine s film showing being blessed, so I'm guessing you are not in the uk?

AldiLidlDeeDee · 23/01/2019 17:08

No, not the 1950's but current.
Here in rural Ireland, you'll often get the local priest turning up at the beginning of a social event to 'bless it'. I usually try to arrive after that bits been done to be honest.

FadedRed · 23/01/2019 17:19

Are you living in an episode of Father Brown? My advise would be to stop standing next to his house-keeper.

PurpleAndTurquoise · 23/01/2019 19:39

This sounds very odd to me. Is it for real?
I can't imagine anyone being taken to task for being respectful and bowing their head during a prayer.
If it helps I am a Christian and rarely close my eyes to pray - I just prefer not to. I often pray in the car or doing household tasks like washing up. Praying can be very informal. It's just talking to God.

NakedAvenger · 24/01/2019 04:01

Weird. I'm an atheist and in eg church weddings I just sit and listen. No head bowing, hands together or eyes closed. Half the congregation are doing the same thing. Never considered it disrespectful. Never been callled out on it. There's no 'right way to pray'. Good grief, is this the dawn of Christian oneupmanship? I pray better than you?! If they are doing it right they wouldn't bloody notice anyway!

They are supposed to be inwardly contemplating and appealing to god not checking the room to see if Sylvia has one eye open or Doug doesn't have his hands clamped together with sufficient pressure

NakedAvenger · 24/01/2019 04:01

They are supposed to be inwardly contemplating and appealing to god not checking the room to see if Sylvia has one eye open or Doug doesn't have his hands clamped together with sufficient pressure

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