Refused marriage in a church after divorce?

[Mummysharkdoodoodoo]

Myself, partner and children go church almost every Sunday. My youngest I ttake to a play group at church on a Thursday.

I was married in 2013 at 23 to an abusive man I had been with since 16. After the wedding around October he beat me up for the last time. I decided to have him removed from the house and never went back.
In February 2014 I met my soul mate. We had a child in 2016 and now feel it’s the perfect time to get married. We all live as a family and my older two dc don’t see their dad.

We would love to get married in the local church that means so much to us (we go there, the children were christened there etc)

But obviously I have been divorced.

Whats the chances of being refused? The vicar is lovely and seems lovely but I’m so worried!

My understanding is that times have changed a lot in the past 25 years since I was denied a church marriage due to my DH having been previously married. I would ask the vicar, I think it may be down to the local bishop. We had a church blessing with lots of guests instead the day after the registry office which was immediate family only and honestly it was fine. I don't feel disappointed when I look back and surely that's what matters?

It'd be a strange christian who wasn't happy for you. I'd say the chances are LOW in this day and age.

xx

Extremely unlikely to be an issue if you're talking about a CofE church. There's sometimes a bit of prickliness if your current relationship was the cause of the first marriage breaking down, but that's clearly not the case here, so I can't see it being a problem. Speak to the vicar. He or she will be able to put your mind at rest immediately.

(If it's an RC church you might be in more of a pickle, but it's still not necessarily a lost cause. But from what you've said it doesn't sound like you're Catholic, so I wouldn't worry about that unduly)

Ask the vicar. Most will marry divorcees. Some won't. A significant number are divorcees themselves.

My church’s will not marry if one of you is divorced. Saying that no harm in asking and it is strange when a church would rather you stay unmarried with children than marry you but there you go.

I got a grilling but they did it. If you're CofE, remind them they are only here because of Henry Viii divorcing! (Or maybe don't)
You've got circumstances, I suspect you'll be fine. Exciting!!

Ask the vicar. A friend of mine was refused but wrote to the bishop and said she wouldn’t feel married if she wasn’t married in church, and they gave permission.

She got married in the same church she was married in the first time!

Dh and I have both been divorced and the vicar at our local church was fine for us to get married there. We worried a lot before asking him but there was no problem at all.

My grandma In law is a vicar so hopefully that will help 🙈 dp grew up in the church x

A really good friend of mine was divorced and wanted to remarry. He approached the vicar (who he knew well from going to church regularly) and was offered a service of blessing, not a marriage service, per the CofE rules at the time.

Then the vicar called him one evening and said to him "bugger it, this is nonsense . I may get into some trouble with the bishop, but I will marry you in the church".

Just talk to your vicar. Some won't but most will do it. Good luck.

We attended our church regularly and had a chat with the vicar upon getting engaged. He was lovely about it, absolutely thrilled for us and said of course we could get married there. He did enquire about my circumstances of being married previously (same as yours) but was understanding. He said he needed to get permission from the bishop, but it seemed more a formality than anything else. We've moved area now and even in a different church, i can't imagine the vicar wouldn't turn anyone down who wanted to marry there!

I’m Church of Scotland, and we’ve remarried divorcees for decades!
It’s the reason Princess Anne remarried in Scotland, as the C of E wouldn’t allow it at the time.

Can your grandma-in-law-to-be, be your officiating vicar for your wedding? Not sure if she can in the church you attend, but no harm in asking.

You can but ask.
I rather tentatively asked the minister we wanted to marry us and he said “some of the best people have been divorced” - I’m assuming he meant himself!

I worship in the CofE. My first marriage ended in similar circumstances to you OP.

The priest was more than pleased to conduct my second wedding.

Ask, I’m sure you won’t be refused

I attend an evangelical CofE at the more conservative end of things and we marry divorcees. In fact, we have a people within our congregation who used to be married to each other (and have several children) and who are now remarried to others - they all attend the same service exes, new spouses, children, the lot and worship together. One of them on remarrying married a vicar ... I think you could do a lot worse than asking!