For those of you with a strong and active faith of any tradition what advice do you give your children about marriage? **Thread titled edited at OP's request**

[IdaBWells]

I am a convert and did not grow up in a faith tradition or with a religious family. I am amazed at the complete lack of advice and guidance I was given about choosing a life partner which I think is typical of the secular west. I have three teenagers and I regularly have casual conversations with them about what to look for in a spouse and how to be a person that others would want to be with and how to have a successful relationship.

I am very interested in how many faith traditions do support and advise their young adults to help them have a successful marriage. What are you doing to help form your children for marriage - if that is an important value to you and your tradition?

Please note: This thread is not for people who are anti marriage or anti religion and just want to criticize either or both. This is for people who value marriage in the context of their religious faith and values.

I think I would ask my dd whether she could see being with her dh in 20 years time. It took a lot of years before my husband and I were ready to commit. Rushing into things is a bad idea imho. If she wanted to try cohabitation before marriage I could understand this, but I think if she wants children she should be properly committed

So Froglet what advice would you give her about choosing a spouse other than if she can see herself with him long term? Anything more concrete?

I like this quote:

By and large children do not listen to what you say, they watch what you do, and that's how you teach - Morgan Freeman

For very many years I co led a marriage prep course in a church. We spoke to a lot of couples and from that I would suggest to my children that the person you decide to spend your life with is:

Someone you can fight with yet still remain friends. The bible says never let the sun go down on your anger and this is really sensible. Talk about stuff, fess up to mistakes and don't hoard hurt.

Someone you can talk to about money.

Someone who shares your plans for children (or not.)

Communication was our key message. Which is not religious but does assume a lifelong marriage.

I don't think any of us are qualified to give advice about choosing life partners- with or without faith.

If we raise children with a good self esteem and value themselves so they don't put up with shit, then the rest is really up to them.

Relationships can work on many levels and each relationship is unique- it may be based on good companionship, a red hot sex life, in intellectual compatibility, the shared love of a hobby or passion.

I would certainly encourage living together before marriage to test out whether it works.

I would tell them an Islamic hadith (saying) from the prophet Muhammad (pbuh): "the best thing for two people who love each other is marriage".

I am a Christian and we did a marriage preparation course before getting hitched and have twice done a marriage and parenting course over the last 14 yrs of marriage. It helps having a structured discussion about common issues that arise within a marriage and advice on amicably resolving them.

I am a convert too. My son was 8 when I became a Christian, so never grew up in early years with any traditions.

We teach him that courtships are good, but marriage before any sexual relationship at all. We have told him that it is a blessing to get to know your potential life partner first.