The value of an older single woman and managing social needs

[StaringDownTheBarrelOfFifty]

I've put this in philosophy because of my interest in philosophy and because I'd love the insight of posters who frequent philosophy board..

I feel that although I have a relatively good inner citadel, or locus of validation (whatever you want to call it) I am still struggling a little with being ignored at work.

I may feel more authentic and more content, freer from anxieties and self-doubts than I've ever felt, and more valuable as a person than I've ever felt now in my late forties, but my value as a woman is affecting my social life and I cannot control that.

I should be able to accept that and I want to. I'm not depressed about the future, I am looking forward to the rest of my life and I have a plan. However, I don't want to become too introverted just to deal with the reality that I cannot make people include me in their plans (younger people, married people, people with more perceived status).

When my children are a little older I will have more freedom to go and do a few things where I might meet people who are open to socialising with me, so maybe the obstacle to socialising is as much as it is to do with having all the responsibility and no freedom as it is to do with age. Maybe I just notice notice that I'm ignored at work because I have no freedom to go anywhere except work. And this situation will resolve itself a little as my children age, and I age. Ha, you see, my problem is that I'm currently too young.

I'm on the other side of 50 and looking at 60 on the horizon. There is something about being an older woman that takes time to inhabit. I can't make society value me as a post menopausal woman but what I can do is not let that drag me down. I found Richar Rohr's 'Falling Upwards' really helpful in valuing age and experience and the wisdom of the second half of life.

Thank you so much for replying @mostlydrinkstea, i will check out that book. I have taken strength and 'cheer' from things I've read so I love a recommendation from somebody who knows what I'm talking about.
I know what you mean about it taking a while to inhabit the space. I feel in transition. I recently read James hollis phd "finding meaning in the second half of life" and i really liked it but it wasn't written with a single woman in mind.

Interesting. I'm afraid I don't have any kind of 'answer' for you. But I'm mid-forties and this year keep finding myself in some kind of feeling of dissatisfaction / not fitting in to my own self properly - I think transition could be a good way to describe it. I think it's because my children are getting a bit older and more self sufficient and I actually have the ability to get my head up and survey my life - I'm more in the de-selfed camp than you describe. I'm going to look up both of those books.

I'm 56, my children are nearly gone ( University etc)

I am loving this time.

I feel really grounded, very connected, excited about the future.
It's lovely having some of my own life back after decades of mothering, I have started a new business venture in the past couple of years- that excites me.
I look forward to adult holidays again- I have the time to focus on my fitness and gym/yoga time.

This is a fantastic time in my life.

@mostlydrinkstea, I've read Richard Rohr's Immortal Diamond and he quoted the bible constantly. Is Falling Upwards written for a christian audience?

Richard Rohn is a Franciscan so that makes him a Christian. One of the interesting bits about the second stage of life is taking wisdom from a number of sources. I hang out with pagans and worshippers of the Goddess which would have freaked out my teenage self but I honour their honesty, wisdom and humour.

Transition as you term it OP is part of life. You're not the same as you were when you was aged 10 or 20 or 30 or 40. You're not even in the same body or have the same thoughts.
Nothing in this life is permanent. I embrace it. The question there is more to life than this comes to us all. It is part of the spiritual path we are all on.
A time of reflection. An introspection, a sort of self enquiry.
It is happening, just let it happen without trying to control it. Relax into your own being, without overthinking it.