I wonder if somebody could get me some way of understanding and then forgiving the actions of my DF? I have changed a few details to try to prevent this being too revealing.
Last year my sister had a baby, and it was agreed that the baby would be baptised at my dad's local church. He and his wife are active members of the congregation and attend most Sundays; they also got married there, a grandparent's funeral was held there, and a few other nieces and nephews were also baptised there. My dad made some of the initial arrangements with the vicar, but then my sister and family travelled there several times to talk it all through and become familiar to the congregation etc.
This summer, my dad had a huge argument with my sister. I wasn't there, but it sounds as though a lot of pent-up anxieties were unleashed by my stepmum, and over 20 years worth of 'wrongs' were recalled and revisited. I should add a disclaimer here that I am low-contact with my dad because of facing similar onslaughts, so although I wasn't there, I have no reason to disbelieve my sister's account of the argument. In any case, the argument is not my question here.
As soon as he could following the argument, my dad went straight to the vicar at the church, and without any further discussion, he cancelled the child's baptism. My sister found out later, by which time the whole thing had been cancelled and the vicar informed.
I am struggling enormously with this. Disregarding the argument with my sister, how can I begin to understand my dad's actions? Why would an active member of a church congregation take it upon themselves to prevent a child - their grandchild - joining the family of God, particularly when they are totally innocent of anything?
My sister and family are no longer speaking to my dad, and the baby will be baptised elsewhere when it can be arranged. How can I understand and then forgive my dad's actions though? Personally, I am not a great fan of infant baptism, but I cannot understand how or why somebody who claims this to be incredibly important would deny it to their own grandchild? The baby had no part in the argument, and no role in his displeasure. I need to have some understanding so that I can maintain some relationship with my dad, but I am really struggling. The more I think about it, the more difficult I find it to move past this: why would you deny your grandchild access to the faith that you claim is so important to you because of an argument with their parent?
Is anybody able to offer any help with this? Can you think why it would be done, other than in petty fury? But to use your faith to punish others, via a child, seems something else?