Alpha? Anyone done it and become Christian?

[sunnysunchild]

Im 3 weeks in to the course and I'm having a bit of a crisis.....
I'm not a Christian.....yet.
I want to become a Christian but I have so so many doubts.
If God loves me...why can't I feel it or know it?

It just feels all a bit like wishful thinking.
But I want to believe I just don't know if I can.

Maybe my Alpha group isn't the best?! I seem to be the only person who is isnt sure what to believe in.
Urgh what to do?! I feel I'm struggling with this.
Any thoughts anyone?

Alpha courses are crap.

Try reading books that explore faith and or Christianity.
“Mere Christianity” by C.S Lewis is great, he was an atheist previously so is able to explore faith coming from that angle.

I worked for the cofe and the alphas were viewed as a bit 'extreme'.

Why do you want to become a Christian?

Alpha courses depend on the person presenting them. If they cannot handle your doubts take them to the local vicar or a person of strong faith. Remember faith is like the mustard seed. It is tiny. But can grow into a strong vigorous plant.

I was brought up by an atheist and an agnostic and really had a crisis of faith in my late 20's as I felt something was calling me. The I went on the Alpha course then I went to church. Its not like ordering a £20 gift voucher off amazon it doesn't always happen all at once. Be patient.

This sounds a bit nuts..... Because I feel and have always felt that there must be more to life than this. And because I had a "moment" which has had a huge impact on me... I can only describe it as that I experienced a 'prayer miracle'. Somebody prayed for me with me, I was sceptical but started crying my eyes out, I was so sad and unhappy and there was something i wanted to happen very badly.....
And after the praying.... what I wanted ... happened..... but I had this amazing sparkley feeling at the time. A calmness and feeling that someone was speaking to me reassuring me and telling me I was going to be alright.

Told you it was nuts....

No..its not nuts. Its the power of the Holy spirit working through you. I first felt it (weirdly) when I was 16 in Notre Dame cathedral. After I felt like I was walking on air...

Surely we are more than an automated bunch of atoms that have evolved. The things that convince me of God's love are

The amazing diversity of nature
The miracle that is a human
The bits I read in the bible that I identify with
The feeling of calm when I pray

Not everything is perfect sure but if it was we would be angels not humans!

@sunnysunchild, how does your second post about the sparkly feeling, the answered prayer, the calmness and sense of someone speaking to you, hang with the question in your first post, "if God loves me why can't I feel it or know it?". What do you expect knowing God's love to feel like?

As for Alpha, I know people who have become a Christian through that course, but I also think that there was far more going on than just the Alpha course. Often it's just one step in a journey - maybe the first step, maybe the final step, maybe somewhere along the way. Don't expect too much from it - it's merely an opportunity to ask more questions and find out the basics of the faith.

I've been a Christian for my entire life and I still have questions, so don't expect those to go away any time soon, however. Being a Christian isn't having all the answers, it's walking with the one who is the answer (that was cheesier than Nicky Gumbel's grin, sorry).

That experience you felt OP, why does a religion have to follow it. You can be spiritual without following a religion. Certainly read information on all the religions, most have truths in them. Go with what makes sense to you, if it doesn't make sense then it's not for you.

There's a really good book called 'Surprised by Oxford' by Carolyn Weber (a play on CS Lewis' 'Surprised by Joy') which is about someone who went to Oxford as a post grad student and started looking into Christianity, and, like you, wanted to be a Christian but had loads of doubts.

It details all her thoughts / doubts / determination NOT to be a Christian for a while and the process by which she became one but still had a lot of doubts. It's a good read.

What Vitalogy said - your own experience doesn't have to be anything other than of yourself. It doesn't need attributing to organised religion, or any religion. Maybe your looking in the wrong place?

Because I feel and have always felt that there must be more to life than this.

There is.

A calmness and feeling that someone was speaking to me reassuring me and telling me I was going to be alright

Depending on the spiritual teaching, this could be known as the Christ consciousness, the Buddha mind, the 'True I' the 'True Self' The observer of all that is observed or just simply consciousness itself.

In essence you are a spiritual being having a human experience. When this is known all becomes observed, serene, peaceful and calm. There is a knowingness that the universe is looking after all and there is no need for our intervention.

So if it is a voice you hear, I would say it is the universal voice. It has always been there, it is there now and will be there in the future. It has been blocked by the ego. When it comes to the light from the dark place, you are enlightened, awakened from the sleep and a realisation that this human life is all an illusion, a dream.

It has nothing to do with religion. Religion is merely a concept, constructed by humans out of egoic thought.

Christ was not a Christian,
Allah was not a Muslim,
Buddha was not a Buddhist,
Lao Tzu was not a Taoist and so on..........

Well James 4:8 says "draw near to God, and He will draw near to you".

Searching is difficult and lonely, but God is never more than a breath away.

I've been a Christian for a number of years, and sometimes I fear God doesn't love me, because how could He? How could an almighty, powerful being who knows how sinful and wretched I am ever love me?

The reason I feel this way is because I'm human and can't understand the mind of God. I think I'm wretched and horrid - God loves me unconditionally. Whose opinion matters more? Flawed, human me, or the God who carved the universe?

It's tough, OP. But just know that God is drawing near to you every day. Praying.

@noego Christ was not a Christian

But you do know he was Jewish and adhered to the religion of his people, right?

It’s not religion that’s the problem, it’s religiosity. Without religion you have a sort of misty “anythingarianism@, devoid of meaning, purpose and use.

“Without religion you have a sort of misty “anythingarianism@, devoid of meaning, purpose and use“

Excuse me? Who are you accusing of being devoid of meaning, purpose and use ?

“How could an almighty, powerful being who knows how sinful and wretched I am ever love me?”

I would stake my house on you not being sinful and wretched. Or horrid. The fact that people are made to feel like that is one of the things I hold against religion.

inmyvestandpants Could you be in the midst of religiosity.

But you do know he was Jewish and adhered to the religion of his people, right?

No I don't. Judaism is still a concept.

“Without religion you have a sort of misty “anythingarianism@, devoid of meaning, purpose and use“

Says who?

“How could an almighty, powerful being who knows how sinful and wretched I am ever love me?”

In whose perception? If you believe you were created in Gods image, (as it is preached) what does that make you?

Thank you all for your comments... I feel I am on a long journey and my heart is open to it. I may come back with more questions. Please be kind...its very confusing. Thanks

Alpha is something some people find useful, but be aware that it's a very specific kind of Christianity in view there. Depending on the kind of person you are, you may find it fits, but you may find it doesn't.

If it doesn't scratch you where you itch, but you still feel you would gain something positive from Christianity, don't feel that you are restricted by that one kind. You may be happy in an evangelical setting, you may equally prefer quiet, meditative practice. You may like long sermons, you may be happy with lots of reading round a topic. Modern, upbeat music might fit you, or an old church with plenty of space for silence and candles to light might be better. I've prayed for you this evening and I wish you all the best as you discover more about yourself and what you want xx

@BertrandRussell
I’ve accused nobody of anything. I don’t like anythingarianism, where phoney spirituality with no connection to the reality of life is made up as we go along to make ourselves feel better. A splash of Buddha, a spoonful of Hari Krishna, some reiki and crystals, a lucky troll and a little dollop of Jesus, leaving out the part where we admit we need help but can’t help ourselves.... I don’t like it because it’s wishful thinking and ultimately it holds no hope.

@noego
My point about Jesus and Judaism was simply that the spiritual leaders you cited as not being religious were, in the case of Jesus at least, in fact very “religious”. Religion itself is not the problem but how it is used and manipulated to control others - which Jesus was very much against - is.

@sunnysunchild sorry for derailing your thread. May your search for God be a fruitful one. He’s not as far away as you might think - just the other side of the door, in fact.

Keep praying OP. Keep searching. God wants to encounter you and for you to get to know Him, as you have started to experience. Alpha isn't the be all and end all but for some people it is a very useful step in the journey.

“leaving out the part where we admit we need help but can’t help ourselves.... ”

We can help ourselves and each other. The idea that non religious people have a “god shaped hole” is incredibly offensive.

Having things in a neat and tidy package is understandable tempting to follow, although these packages have been made up, like you say in parts to control and manipulate. To follow any of the religions to the letter, I believe is to go against the true self (God).

How can any of the religions be the true one to follow when they have been changed, edited and added to by humans?

I've asked this a few times. Can anyone tell me what makes them feel a male presence from God? I'm not saying God is a female or anything, it's beyond that surely?

@BertrandRussell I seriously doubt that you are genuinely offended that my outlook on the human condition is different from yours.

@Vitalogy who’s said God is male? The JudaeoChristian belief is that male and female people are together made in his image. The limitations of our language necessitate the use of one gendered pronoun or another, and the concept of “Father” is an analogy that we are able to understand - within its original cultural context where men were provider, protector etc - as well as the feminine analogies (eg a mother hen gathering her chicks under her wing) that are found in Christian writings. Of course, God is bigger than we can ever understand or describe. But giving up on searching, or making something up to suit ourselves isn’t the answer IMO.

@inmyvestandpants
My point about Jesus and Judaism was simply that the spiritual leaders you cited as not being religious were, in the case of Jesus at least, in fact very “religious”. Religion itself is not the problem but how it is used and manipulated to control others - which Jesus was very much against - is.

Humans have worship gods from the beginning of time. At the end of the day it is just an idea. What you believe becomes your reality. Humans have gone to war over an idea and still continue to do so.

May your search for God be a fruitful one. He’s not as far away as you might think - just the other side of the door, in fact

OP. you don't have to go as far as the other side of the door. In truth whatever it is, is within your perception and is observed from your consciousness.

@vitalogy
Can anyone tell me what makes them feel a male presence from God? I'm not saying God is a female or anything, it's beyond that surely?

The presence within you, does not have a gender, or agenda, it has no religion, no nationality, no colour, no borders, no boundaries, no concepts, no labels.