How can I be better???

[HowCanI]

I am socially a little retarded, get a bit fazed by people I'd really like to be friends with and get very nervous and being very ott, say a lot of stupid things without thinking. Others probably think I'm mad or often rude. I'm neither, although I'm obviously socially very neurotic!!! My MUm is very much the same, and it's always driven me mental with irritation. I want to break the cycle.

I think one of the reasons for my neurosis is the fact that I am very hard on people. I can bitch about people a little to readily, and am very hard on myself.

Anyway blah blah blah. I want to be better! I feel as though I have a spiritual vaccum, and I just don't really know how to fill it. I've considered going to church, just to have some thinking time but as a long term agnostic, it's not really for me. I'd love to find more out anout humanism, but don't really know where to start.

Blimey, I've just re read that and it sounds garbled and very unclear, bit like me, but I just don't have time right now to be any more articulate, although I've been thinking of posting this for ages!

I should add that my oh is quite a bitter person, and can be very bitchy. I feel I am constantly feilding negativity and bitchiness from him, and it drags me down, and all to often I join in.
I've never even been out with anyone bitchy before OH, can't believe I married him!!

Didn't want to leave this unposted. But I think that you need to have a declutter. Write down all the things you want to change and write down next to them the little things you can do to change them.

Perhaps your partner is bitchy because he thinks you like to join in? Try sticking up for the person he is bitching about next time. If you become more positive then so will he, these things are catching.

I dont think people can BE better - i think we are all as we are. There are things that we can do to change how we act or respond or think or even believe, but not 'be'.

I dont believe in a supernatural power, nor a God, gods or deities (not to say there is none, i just choose not to believe). I also love the human element of humanism. The www.humanism.org.uk/site/cms (British Humanist Association) has a great website if you are interesting in finding out more.

I highly recommend this book - A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. Its a classic and Ellis (REBT) and Beck (CBT) were the 'founding fathers' of contempory thought-change. There is so much you can change, but accepting that you are you, no better, no worse, and that you are that way just because you are, is the first step to being able to work on your behaviours, attitudes and thoughts.

Not garbled at all by the way

I've just read Affluenza by Oliver James. It took quite a long time to read but made quite alot of sense.

I would reccommend it for anyone with that'there's more to life feeling'.