I was brought up Catholic but I'm bisexual

[confusedcath]

I was brought up Catholic, confirmed at age 14 or so, although admittedly at the time I didn't totally appreciate what was happening. My grandmother did my catechism lessons and I can't remember it ever being a choice, Church was just what we did. I was heavily involved as a teenager - read the liturgy, helped with teas, cleaning, stations of the cross, exposition etc.

I do believe in God - a God that loves everyone. I struggle with aspects of Catholicism around hell, sin, confessing to a priest, ideas around sex and sexuality, heavily organised religion. I find it easier to see God in people's actions, in nature etc.

I am bisexual, possibly more. I have known for years on some level that I am attracted to women and men. I have finally decided this is a feeling I want to explore a bit and have told a couple of relatives who were incredibly supportive.

At this present time I do not want to discuss it with the majority of Catholic family. I know how the discussion would go. My sexuality is my business and it's something I need to understand and feel confident about, without anyone lecturing about confession and mortal sin and fornication. I think my grandmother once said the sin is the action , not the feeling, but I don't want to be celibate...

However, I still want to believe in God. I'm not sure if I can be Catholic , if you are allowed? I know no-one would know but it wouldn't feel right if I'm doing something they believe would send me to hell. I don't want to feel totally isolated from my family and would feel odd to walk away from the church too.

I don't want to talk to a priest, although I have a relative who is a minister and does a huge amount of work with LGBT christians. I did consider emailing her to ask, if I could go to one of her services.

I just want to find a way to fit it all together... is there one?

www.inclusive-church.org/about-us

There are plenty of gay, lesbian, bi, trans Christians. How it works for them you would need to ask but the website inclusive church should give a few resources and a place to start.

Thank you , will have a wee look through :-)

I think, over time as I increase confidence in my identity I'll feel more able to seek out things that suit me. Perhaps I need to try different churches too. My grandmother handed me a rosary today and told me I need to start practicing it, say it daily etc. For her sake I'm just nodding and agreeing - and feeling like a fraud!

Hi OP, There are tons of LGBT Christians of all denominations, including RC. Whether you get a hard time or not varies enormously so it is important to surround yourself with supportive people before you come out if you can and to explore in safe spaces. I’m going to PM you, but for anyone else reading other websites and FB groups to check out (as well as Inclusive Church) are Diverse Church, Two:23 Network, Affirming Catholicism, and One Body One Faith. Those are all ecumenical (open to all Christians/ all denominations).

There are also specific RC groups eg. www.lgbtcatholicsyag.org.uk/

Hope you're OK OP. I was brought up catholic and I am gay I found (and still do find) it very difficult. Thankfully my family accepted me however my parents still attend mass so don't know what they actually think. I was also heavily involved in the church and went on pilgrimages etc. ATM I do not attend mass but I do sometimes call in on my own and say a prayer. I have a lot of "catholic guilt" about it I don't have an answer but certainly sympathise

God does not love everyone.

Gave you read the bible?

God has killed millions of people- smites in a trice, drowns people, children and babies.

He is a nasty piece of work.

Thanks for that input @speakout I'm sure OP will find that very helpful

God made us in his own image. That include you OP. The Pope himself asked "who am I to judge". The Pope!

Take some time to find out who you are (who God made you). Life is not black and white. Realising you are attracted to women adds to your self knowledge. It doesn't take anything away.

Best of luck.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater I would say the same thing to anyone who chooses to love someone who murders babies.

If god was real I wouldn't want to share a coffee with such a genocidal mania, never mind loving him.

God sounds like an arsehole.

Speakout - maybe you could could ask MN central for a pinned post expressing your views about God? Then you wouldn't have to spend your time and energy posting on every thread where someone asks for help and support on a matter that doesn't involve your worldview of atheism and Wicca.

OP. Im sorry this part of MN has been less than helpful but there are people here who will support you as best we can.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts I am not Wiccan.

Thanks.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts

Your passive aggression is not very christian.

ermmm lets focus on the OP for a minute shall we?

I am as straight as one can be but I do feel that my Catholic family was not open to differences in terms of sexual orientation. So I now attend a CoE church which is much more open. I strongly feel that as a person and a Christian, it is so important for me to respect people for who they are. You will find people who are very welcoming of the LGBT community in all faiths, it's just that you might have to dig deeper in some communities to find them.

I feel so sorry for you OP. You are a victim of dogma. My view is that it is abusive to condition children in this way so they grow up into adults questioning themselves like this.

I do believe in God - a God that loves everyone. I struggle with aspects of Catholicism around hell, sin, confessing to a priest, ideas around sex and sexuality, heavily organised religion. I find it easier to see God in people's actions, in nature etc.

Is it really that important for you to remain part of a religion who's ideas about the world are in conflict with your own? This is a choice you can make. The only way this should be a problem is if you think that the teachings of the Catholic Church are representative of the fate you will suffer if you continue to 'sin'. You don't need to be part of an organised religion to believe in a god.

I am bisexual, possibly more. I have known for years on some level that I am attracted to women and men. I have finally decided this is a feeling I want to explore a bit and have told a couple of relatives who were incredibly supportive.

Just be who you are. It's crazy that in these modern times we feel we should have to seek permission to be gay or bisexual. What's happened is that you've been brought up in an environment where this orientation is discouraged or worse. Would you feel you needed to discuss heterosexuality with someone?

At this present time I do not want to discuss it with the majority of Catholic family. I know how the discussion would go.

This is completely understandable. If you are not in a position where telling your family will cause you to be at odds with the person you are, then there's no point in causing unnessary conflict. But just remember that, if and when the time comes, it is not you who is being unreasonable. Family is not just who you are related to. Family are those who treat you like family whether you are related to them or not.

However, I still want to believe in God.

Belief isn't something you choose to do. Belief is the position of being convinced of something. Are you convinced that there is a god? Are you convinced that Catholicism represents and accurate interpretation of how you should live your life and who you should be?

I'm not sure if I can be Catholic , if you are allowed? I know no-one would know but it wouldn't feel right if I'm doing something they believe would send me to hell.

What's important is whether YOU think you will be going to hell. If you don't then I wouldn't worry about it. If you do, then you need to further explore the reasons why you are convinced of that.

I don't want to feel totally isolated from my family and would feel odd to walk away from the church too.

Of course it would feel odd. It's obviously been a huge part of your life. But you might also find it liberating to escape from the clutches of organised religion and realise that no one has to control your life in the way they appear to be doing.

My diocese has a monthly LGBTQ mass. If you look around, there might well be something similar near you. The Facebook group Christians for LGBTI+ Equality is a good place to find out about stuff in your area.

If it's any help, OP, I'm a Catholic convert and I'm bisexual. As it happens, I'm also in a heterosexual marriage, so it's unlikely to ever be an active issue for me now.

There's no doubt that the CC has a very particular view of human sexuality, which is very much tied in with the purpose of sexual intimacy - that is, producing children in a lifelong sacramental marriage.

Any sexual expression outside of that boundary is viewed negatively.

Which leaves most LGB people with a bit of conundrum. You can either stay Catholic and work from within to change things if you think that's necessary and the right thing to do. You can join one of the many Christian churches which have a much broader definition of the purpose of human sexuality. Or you could investigate Catholicism more and see if it's worldview as a whole is one you resonate with, and if the sexuality teachings make any more sense once you have dug into them further.

Entirely up to you. I'll pray for you x

Can you try a C if E church? I don't think they would bat an eyelid.

Totally depends on the church, daffodil. Some are great, some are not actively hostile, some are actively hostile.

In my city the Catholic church was the first one to have official LGBTQ friendly stuff going on.

I am lesbian and have a lot of RC friends who are lesbian. My mum is RC and very active on the catholic community defending LGBT rights. She really likes Pope Francisco and what he says about LGBT catholics.

I am not catholic anymore but am christian and have found a christian religion that's very common in my country that accepts me for who i am and will also celebrate marriage between two women or two men.