Backslider here. Help!

[notafeeling]

I became a Christian when I was ten but massively backslid in my teens. In the last couple of years, I've started to relate to it again as an adult but I am struggling.

I know what I believe, I am just plagued by self doubt and fear and don't know where to start.

Anyone here with any experience in this?

Also, how do I reconcile my lifestyle with Christianity? As in, not married, living with my (lovely) boyfriend, occasional beer drinker and a singer in a band.

I feel like I have a lot to apologise for.

I don't mean to sound rude but use your common sense and do what feels right. If it feels right/good and it's not hurting others, then fill your boots and enjoy life. If anything is putting pressure on you or making you feel guilty, it no good and should be avoided.

I describe myself as spiritual for want of a better word but I don't follow any particular religion, that works better for me, no dogma. Best wishes

Agree with vitalogy

I rather think God would be down there with you listening to your gig and having a beer.....
And I'd reckon that being in a loving, monogamous relationship is more important than the legal seal of marriage on the relastionship.

I guess if you can figure out why you backslid, then you might be able to find your way back in again. So if you had big questions and doubts about the existence of God, or why crap stuff happens (for example), maybe do some reading and thinking and explore that a bit.
Or if it's the lifestyle stuff you mention above, then maybe browse some Christian forums or chat to some Christians about how they live their lives. They're not all teetotal 'stay-at-homes'!

You mention being full of self-doubt and fear - do you know what that's about?

Why not plug into a local church? Try a few to see which fits?

In the meantime whip out your bible and get reading? Pray for revelation before you read, check out some good podcasts and YouTube sermons. I like Todd White, Judah Smith, Francis Chan etc.

As for feeling not good enough, maybe this might remind you how much the bible says that Jesus loves you.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=RwX_EpNR4CA

@HyenaHappy

I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High. Psalm 82.6

notafeeling if your faith is something you want to explore again, don't be put off by ideas of having to be 'tidied up' before you come to God. That's absolutely not what Christianity is about. Yes, people over the centuries have had some quirky ideas about being 'good enough', but the whole crux of the matter is while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Now, you might feel after some time that you aren't happy to continue with some things if you also pursue your faith, but that's between you and God, and absolutely not a pre-requisite to returning to Him in the first place (or anyone else's business to be telling you, either!)

Hope some of that helps

You sound like a typical person who attends my church We always serve wine at church social gatherings (plus alternative soft drinks for drivers of course). When the wine ran out at a wedding Jesus made some more so I am pretty sure Jesus would join you in the odd Prosecco or two.
I am married now but was living with my boyfriend when I first started going to church and I would say that's very common. My friend who is a lay preacher is living with her partner and they are not married, it's not an issue.
I found these people really helpful
christianity.org.uk/
They can also help you find a local church you might like - churches come in all shapes and sizes now a days.

Jesus was a carpenter, I think he lived a fairy simple life and just wanted us to be nice to each other and ourselves.

I don’t think he made all those rules. Trust your instincts and tread your own path. Good luck!

Oh yes! Jesus was accused of being a 'winebibber' if memory serves, which is hardly the rep of a guy who thought alcohol was beyond the pale, not to mention his first public miracle was turning water into wine!
As to being a singer in a band, that's only wrong if you're more suited to drums

Just do what you feel is right. Most Christian churches in the UK (I'm presuming you're only exploring that side of god?) are happy to get any additional flock members and most allow you to make up some of the rules as you go along

Regular church attendance may well put to rest your self doubt and fear. As for beer drinking and singing in a band, whats that got to do with anything?