The shack/I'm not ashamed studies

[Becca19962014]

Has anyone read The Shack? I've been gifted a copy of the film, book and bible study but I'm not sure it's appropriate for me at this moment in time. I've not seen the film or ever read the book.

I've also been given a copy of a film I'm not ashamed based around someone killed at columbine (I've seen the film already) and an accompanying study written by the person who starred in it which I'm thinking of doing. Again, if anyone has done this I'd like to know.

I'm reading Philippians 4:4-8 every day and finding it to be of help.

Basically I've gone through a lot of bereavements recently (including a suicide) and I'm struggling with my mental health, to the extent that I'm now struggling to even leave the house. I can't access therapy (don't qualify for NHS and nearest private is hours away) or take meds due to physical conditions making it impossible. On top I am having a lot of difficulties with church (new vicar who won't meet with me unless I attend every service for a month which is impossible and there are no others local to me).

I'm not sure if either of these books would be helpful (they were gifted to me by someone who died recently) so would welcome any comments.

Sorry you're going through a difficult time.

I've not seen the films OP, I've just watched the trailers.
Have you heard of Cruse Bereavement Care:

www.cruse.org.uk/

They should be able to offer you support, over the phone at least. Have you got any family or friends that can help at all.

Glad the bible passage is bringing you comfort.

I personally didn’t like the shack (for numerous theological reasons) but I know many Christians who did.
Sad to hear about your vicar as pastoral care in the parish shouldn’t be limited to regular church goers. Have you thought of a spiritual director/ soul friend? Your diocese may be able to help as they often have a list.
Is there anyone else at the church, a lay minister or any one else you could chat to?
And agree that bereavement counselling may be useful - cruse are excellent.
Prayers that you find the right way forward - I’ll also have a think about some other books as I have hundreds!

Matthew 11:28-30

On top I am having a lot of difficulties with church (new vicar who won't meet with me unless I attend every service for a month which is impossible and there are no others local to me).

That's horrible. Where's his Christian attitude? Is there anyone you can complain to higher up?

I'm so sorry the vicar is inaccessible, Becca. They may have a pastoral care team, or prayer group, which would be able to support you in the Vicar's absence. Can you ask someone?

I've read the shack, and loved it. I think there may be too much in it for you right now, though. It's about a father coming to grips with the loss of his daughter in appalling circumstances so parts of it are rather dark. If you get all the way through it, it's rather beautiful.

Cruse wouldn't accept me because of my depression being bad, I did try, I really struggled and they rang mental health team asking them to support and they lied saying they'd ring me in five minutes (they didn't) cruse rang back as they wouldn't let me leave until I'd been spoken to and were told they'd spoken to me and I was fine, they were then put on loudspeaker and the counsellor heard the crisis team tell me I wasn't ill and didn't qualify for their input.

Cruse said until I had support in place (which isn't possible with my difficulties as they're not classed as illnesses) I wouldn't be able to cope with counselling (I can't have meds).

I see a social worker who has told me I can have crisis support and they'll do another letter for cruse (they did one originally) that's no use as they know it's a lie, as do I.

In terms of meeting someone from church the two people who and anything to do with me from there after I stopped going have died in the last six weeks, both unexpectedly.

I did ask about pastoral team but they're only for those who attend church.

Didn't want to read and run, have you tried Samaritan s or there is a Christian counseling service called quiet waters, based in Falkirk but think they offer support via email and phone too. Support from your church definitely should be there even if you are able to attend at the moment.

It does sound like the help you need is quite specialist and to be honest beyond what most vicars are able to offer. We are not trained in counselling. Are there any Christian counselling services near to you? Or perhaps ring up,a local retreat centre and see if they know someone in their network who may be able to help. The Samaratians are another good suggestion.

I'm meeting with a lady at the moment who is both bereaved and has serious depression and I'm very aware of the limits of my ability to help.

Yes I've tried Samaritans but mostly I cannot get through (too busy since they went freefone - which obviously is a good thing!) and when I can it's too much for a ten minute call. I live in very rural Wales. There's no counselling or retreat centres near here, and I suffer with agoraphobia so cannot travel (and that's one of the issues with going to church). I suspect even if there were I'm very likely to find the same problem I did with cruse.

I do appreciate vicars aren't counsellors but no one else will speak to you if you're having issues going to church or with faith, you're literally told to speak to a vicar, so that's a bit difficult.

Thankyou for your suggestions. I appreciate them. Please don't think I don't and I'm well aware of others limitations in helping someone me, I've no money for therapy or means to get there. Hence trying bible studies.

I am happy to chat on here, if it would help?
Resources I find useful are premier radio, and library books (if you can get them). I bet there are good podcasts too.

Thankyou. I'll try premier radio if I can get it (again delights of living rurally!) library books are difficult to get and I've not really found any that have been helpful so far (doesn't mean I won't find any).

I've tried YouTube but somethings I've found awfully triggering so I'm avoiding that for now. I'm sticking with the reading I've found which has been helpful and I carry on me to read when I'm struggling.

You can listen online here, if your internet connection is ok?

www.premierchristianradio.com/radioplayer

Thanks for that! During the day it drops a lot but at night I can get two bars and it seems to work right now. Really appreciate it!

I thought of you when I read this.

www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/dealing-with-grief

I've not read anything by bear grylls before, and was surprised. I'm going to look out for more of his writing.

In a similar situation, this helped me:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of the intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the beauty in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that one life has breathed easier because you lived here. This is to have succeeded.”

All the people I lost were very successful in these terms. This helped me find joy in their having lived even as I felt the pain of their loss, and even in some cases, the pain they felt as they lost their lives or the pains they had suffered that contributed to the loss of their lives.

It also helped me to know that my own life could be considered successful in that way.

The passage of time has helped me dwell more in the joy of having had the privilege of knowing these great people. The pain shows that there was someone amazing there.

That's a great quote LapsedHumanist

I know I started this awhile ago but for a couple of weeks I've been doing the bible study around "I'm not ashamed" a film based on someone killed at columbine.

I've found it to be really helpful and challenging. It's a 21 days study, each day is very short (one or two pages), there's a challenge and a prayer at the end of the study part. It is basic and aimed at, I'd say, late teens. I didn't expect to get anything out of it tbh but I've found it to be really interesting. So if anyone's interested here's a link to the book and film

Book www.amazon.co.uk/Its-Worth-Devotional-Masey-McLain-ebook/dp/B01MZ4U97E/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=I%27m+not+ashamed&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1537617348&sr=8-3 (it's on kindle as well, though I recommend the book as its small enough to carry around and there's pages to write thoughts down)

Film www.amazon.co.uk/Not-Ashamed-DVD-Masey-McLain/dp/9492189909/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=I%27m+not+ashamed&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1537617302&sr=8-1

I've listened to some preachers online as well as my anxiety and depression is becoming overwhelming.

I've not watched the shack, or read the book or the bible study I'm not stable enough to as I've lost more people in the last couple of months - I feel very isolated now in real life and the church I went to don't want to know me at all and I'm going to have to make a consious break from it I think. Someone said my lack of faith was part of why my godmother killed herself and I can't face any of them. I tried talking to the vicar but he said I was being selfish and should think of her family and friends and their pain and not my own, which hurt me a lot as it made me sound like all I care about it myself and that's not true. I asked for prayers because I was struggling, doesn't mean I don't know others do as well.

It sounds like you've been very unfortunate with that Church. I am sorry. There will be other places you can go.

There is nowhere else. I'm very rural.
The only other church is far too big and noisy for me to cope with (big band, drums etc).

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time op

The loud church may not be your kind of place but you could contact the vicar and ask for a visit? S/he may be more christian amenable. Plus they may well have meetings throughout the week you could perhaps go to that won't be noisy. Plus you'll start to get to know some people locally..

btw I adored The Shack. The central character is a severely bereaved man so it may be a help to you. The thing about bereavement though is that it is so different for different people - what works for one may not work for another.

You may feel alone but you really aren't. God is with you every moment xx

No I'm not shocked weary. Still adore the book!