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Philosophy/religion

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How do you stay positive?

19 replies

Bel04 · 28/03/2018 17:54

How do you stay positive?

OP posts:
lucydogz · 29/03/2018 18:05

1 - I think of how horrible my life would probably have been if I'd been born at any other period of history.
2 - I read the meditations of Marcus Aurelius. (I know that it sound horribly pretentious)
3 - I read the writings of Julian of Norwich. She lived in terrible times, but her work is very uplifting
4 - Remember the prayer of Teresa of Avila - 'Let nothing dismay you, Let nothing frighten you etc'
None of this might be any help to you, I'm afraid. But good luck with finding something that works.

Bel04 · 29/03/2018 19:59

I'm not religious but have thought of the first point many times myself- I would be screwed! Cannot imagine how many women have suffered excruciating pain throughout the years x

OP posts:
SandysMam · 29/03/2018 20:05

I just realise that we will all be dead one day and it’s all just a drop in the ocean so might as well be cheerful and enjoy the little things in life. It’s not easy and I have bad days but knowing it’s all bullshit really helps! Hard to maintain when going through really tough times such as bereavement etc but works for me on a day to day basis. Also...do not read the daily fail!

lucydogz · 29/03/2018 21:23

I agree sandy but the Guardian is on my not to read as well

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 30/03/2018 10:12

I hope you are not finding staying positive difficult, Bel04.

Admittedly, it is a difficult thing to do, I think, for most of us. Being able to remember the disappointments of the past and speculate about the future and its uncertainties is a uniquely human ability that can be burdensome.

Staying in the present moment, if it's at all possible, helps.

Apart from that, the following have been useful for me. (I appreciate some of these are not universal but would hope that most people would be able to find similar ‘fragments of experience’.)

Cultivating the ability to cherish small and unexpected joys. I had a friend whose life was very challenging from an outsider’s perspective, but he had such a capacity for finding delight in the tiniest aspects of his life. I try, not always successfully, to emulate his positivity.

Thinking about my DS and his funny ways. The thought of him can get me out from under the duvet on a bad day to engage with whatever the day brings.

Laughing. Doctor’s orders – three times a day, at least. Even in the darkest times, there’s always a moment of absurdity that merits a good old cackle!

Remembering that things change. However bad things seem, change is inevitable. And if I have reached the nadir, the only way is up.

Practising the discipline of loving from a place of brokenness. It really helps to feel that I'm at least still able to love when all the other strings to my bow seem to have snapped.

Looking out over the valley from my window.

Holding fast to the potential for creativity that’s within me, even as the unproductive years go by never to be reclaimed.

( Lucydogz, I like Marcus Aurelius too. Good choice!)

Bel04 · 30/03/2018 19:47

Sorry OutwiththeOutCrowd, none of that helps me 😞. I am in very intense pain and discomfort 24/7 so staying in the positive isn't exactly a good thing. Also for me it's looking like this is a chronic illness so not much hope for things improving in the future 😪.

OP posts:
PutTheChocEggDown · 30/03/2018 20:05

I'm sorry about your situation OP. Pain is dreadful and debilitating. Have you tried mindfulness meditation? It was originally developed in a western framework to help people manage chronic pain. To teach people to shift their awareness away from the pain.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 30/03/2018 20:09

Bel04, I'm so very sorry. I had no idea that was your situation and my apologies if what I wrote sounded crass from your perspective. Could there be a chance of at least better pain management in the future? Do you have support from family or friends, practically and emotionally? Flowers

Bel04 · 30/03/2018 23:56

Unfortunately my parents and siblings have not been supportive at all. Other relatives have been a lot more helpful. My uncle, grandmother and partner have been best. I don't think meditation will be an option for me the pain is like nerves firing constantly, can't even sit still and watch tv 😞. Sorry if I sounded blunt, can't even be me anymore with this constant discomfort that is so intense 😣. I've tried so many drs and all seem utterly useless if I'm being honest. I spent a long time on the phone to Samaritans today. I'm not even ashamed because I'm just completely hopeless and exhausted and I think many would be if they had pain 24/7 this badly. X

OP posts:
IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 31/03/2018 00:01

Oh that sounds awful OP. Have the doctors given you no diagnosis? Or pain relief?

Bel04 · 31/03/2018 05:35

No I've waited months and months and months. Seen nhs consultant- he was very rude. Only been given co-codomal which made me sick to my stomach and sleeping pills. Sleeping pills are helpful as without pain and discomfort are too intense to be able to sleep at all. X

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 31/03/2018 07:49

Do you think that it might be helpful to talk to others experiencing chronic pain? They might have some useful advice. There seem to be several on-line groups. For example,
SurvivingChronicPain. They've got a chatroom too.

I am sorry that your closest family have not been very helpful. I know from experience how heartbreaking that can be. Could you go back to see a GP with your partner, grandmother or uncle by your side? It sounds like you need someone to be insistent on your behalf. Getting a proper diagnosis and adequate pain relief is key.

Sending you strength - I've had some experience of chronic pain myself and it can really take over your whole life.

Bel04 · 31/03/2018 12:59

Thanks ever so much ❤️. I've booked a private appointment for Wednesday. I don't have a lot of money but I'm so worried about my physical and mental well being that I have had to resort to this. Don't want to go back to the GP as they're so rude and unhelpful it always leaves me feeling like I'm back to square one and the nhs waiting time are unbearable. It it was intermittent pain I could deal with it but this is every second and so intense. Need help ASAP. Am hoping and praying the dr is see is good and knows something the others haven't xx

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 31/03/2018 16:43

Best wishes for your appointment on Wednesday OP.
You sound like such a strong person, all the pain you've endured.

Practising the discipline of loving from a place of brokenness. That's beautiful OutwiththeOutCrowd

hellokittymania · 31/03/2018 16:54

Believe me, I try my best, but I have a disability and find it very very difficult sometimes to deal with other peoples attitudes toward me. Even family can be so negative, and they spent no time with me so they don't know what I can or can't do. Anyway, I just try and remember that for a person who was born with congenital rubella syndrome, could whom the doctors called a vegetable, I have come a heck of a long way and I can do so much. And I really like being able to be a voice and a guide for other people.

hairRaising · 31/03/2018 22:13

Hello kitty yes that is a true positive, from all you've gone through you have the authority to be a voice that is heard and can carry weight for others

Op I'm so sorry to read you are in such pain. You must be simply exhausted with bearing it. It's brilliant you booked an appointment and I really hope you get an insightful doctor who can suggest something new.

I'm sure you already know this, but if you've been taking co codamol for a while then don't stop it suddenly if they prescribe something new, as the codamol is addictive & unfortunately you can feel dreadful if you stop suddenly, it happened to my relative.

Oh bugger I realise you wanted ideas to feel positive and I've basically inserted a new negative idea of possible withdrawal symptoms! 😬 sorry

Bel04 · 31/03/2018 23:35

Thanks for replying to me hellokittymania, glad to know you have been able to have a much better outcome than what Drs initially predicted for you ❤️. After being told I might have a chronic condition that is very poorly understood and causes a lot of pain and discomfort I have felt very disheartened especially when Drs have said there is nothing they can do. More like they can't be assed with a difficult case! I hope I can do the same. Hope you continue to do well xxx

OP posts:
Bel04 · 31/03/2018 23:37

Thank you hairRaising, I will definitely beat your advice in mind if I stop taking the codeine Smilexxx

OP posts:
Bel04 · 31/03/2018 23:51

*take

OP posts:
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