Mixed faith relationship

[oddexperience]

Anyone had one which has worked? I'm an atheist currently dating a Baptist and it is harder than I could have possibly have imagined. Together we are fine. We are happy we have a great time. The issues come when I'm exposed to the community around his religion. This church leaders disapproving of me because I don't believe in god and being told by church friend of his that yes I was going to hell (to be fair I did ask about that area of the religion I was just so surprised that the could say that only knowing one thing about me). I find it hard to make friends with his friends because they're so intergrated in the church if I don't go to church then I haven't got a chance. I had got quite curious about the religion etc and thought about going to his church to see what it was like but they then turned him down a role in the church because he was dating me. It's turned me off the whole thing completely. What kind of community judges a stranger so harshly!?
They are kind people who I'm sure mean well but it's so exclusionary and has done nothing except make me feel more atheitist!
To date him I've had to make a number of changes to my life style (think no sex before marriage) were now at the point of talking about the future and honestly I got quite upset when he said that even if our child had a fatal fetal abnormality he'd expect the pregnancy to be continued.
I do discuss insercurities with him but I don't like chatting about his church community with him because he always feels attacked.

Has anyone had a mixed faith relationship. How did you work your way around these sorts of issues?

((((hugs)))

Thank you x

Oddexperience I’m sorry to read about the stressful time you have been having. I understand a little of what you are going through as I had a boyfriend who became a born again Christian. His church community didn’t approve of me either and we eventually split up because of the pressure of that disapproval coupled to his own growing conviction of my moral insufficiency relative to those he knew through the church.

The exclusionary aspect is woven into the fabric of Christianity through scripture and it can make relationships with ‘outsiders’ difficult - as you and I have discovered!

I just wanted to reassure you that there are plenty of lovely men out there who would value you and be more considerate of your feelings and wellbeing.

oddexperience a lucky break.

But you could have spent 10 years with him before splitting, so congratulations.

I couldn't date a christian. It wouldn't get past the first date.

We wouldn't get past the first date now! I think I've learnt my lesson.
It's been tricky around his friends who I've seen the past few days. I feel so furious at the organisation they're all involved in I'm worried I'll end up misplacing my anger at them. Even though they probably do agree with Ex it's not fair to be annoyed at them about it. It's a separate world to mine clearly. I'll just be glad we discussed kids earlier rather than later so as you rightly said I didn't waste years on this! I'm hoping this is the end to all my drama. We're trying to be friends. I still have things left to say to him about it all but I'm trying to take the higher ground. I'm just keeping myself busy and attempting not to bad mouth him to mutual friends who are asking what's happened. It's been a quiet comfort that those who I'm close with and have told the full story think he was being unreasonable. Not sure if they're lying or not but it makes me feel better. Thank you for all your kindness and advice! It makes me feel much better!

Outwiththeoutcrowd yes very similar to my situation. For a long time I felt so morally deficient compared to the rest of his community. Then it occurred to me that he lied to his friends and family more than anyone I'd ever known! I'm not better than them they're not better than me. But they have this preconceived idea that because I'm an atheist that I can't possibly match them. No doubt that community is taking his side on this right now. I'll be the unreasonable cow who thought saying a large part of the population is burning in hell is an unkind thing to teach
It sort of came out in our argument that he wanted me to convert. He said it was okay that I was atheist because I'd thought it through but it would be easier if I was baptist (true) I had to point out that if his church was so desperate to evangelise people maybe they shouldn't view me as morally corrupt before they know me!
He also argued that I couldn't compare compromises I'd made in the relationship (I.e lying to his friends and family for him) to me asking him to compromise on his religion. Suggests to me that he doesn't consider my morals (I hate lying) to be as important as his Christianity (which he's inconsistent on anyway!)
I'll try to stop ranting! I wish I could say it all to him but there's no point in upsetting him. Thank you all again!

Sometimes people who consider themselves devout members of a religion forget to put into practice a fundamental aspect of most religions: to love thy neighbour and to do as you would be done by. IMO their behaviour does not reflect on their religion but on theirselves. A bastard will be bastard, whether or not they try to justify it by a religion.