Feeling a bit lost...

[thescentofwater]

New poster here. Christian for several years, tried a couple of churches in my area and settled on one as it seemed to offer what my family needed and we were happy enough at the beginning, but not anymore. The members are friendly enough but one family seems to run the whole thing and only family members or those related by marriage are ever called to core leadership.

A few months ago the church was in dispute with neighbours over noise and there were a couple of meetings held so that people could openly share their concerns etc. But I was appalled by the behaviour and attitude of the key leader toward the neighbours - cutting people off rather than allowing them to speak, being rude and sarcastic and responses, that sort of thing. Following those meetings, members were instructed not to speak to any of the neighbours who attended and told to defend the church against a petition that was being made to the local council by the committee representing the neighbours in dispute. We were also told to send in letters of support and it was stated that the leadership would know who did this and who didn't, the implication being that if you didn't send a letter you were not supporting the church.

I found all of this highly unsettling and have tried to put it behind me and carry on, but other stuff has taken place and it always includes warnings about not supporting the church - even to the point where if you don't go to all of the activities (of which there are many and seem to be more added every week) you're not even considered a member, merely an 'attender'.

Some individuals and families have left or are leaving. I don't want to be a church hopper but I feel lost in the midst of all this and since there are so few churches where we live I don't know what to do or where else to go. It just really feels like this church is 'run' by one family and the rest of us are bullied into 'supporting' the church.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this and if so, how did you handle it?

And finally, someone has invited me to try their 'home church' where they and a couple of other families meet weekly to break bread together, share bible verses and pray for one another. Anyone any experience of this?

Sorry this is long. Thanks for reading.

thescentofwater
Church hopping can be very refreshing. Where do you live that there's not so many churches? Many different churches join together for Lenten courses, can you see if there's one near you and join to get a flavour of the options available?

Thanks,Trailedanderror. Live in a one of a small cluster of villages. Only just discovered that the parish church isn't closed as we had always believed (never see anyone in there and whenever we've tried to enter its been locked) so might try there on Sunday. Also there's a note on their site that speaks of the local churches working together which we've just never been aware of as the church we've been attending is out of the area but now there are options.

Never done a Lenten course. Are they all the same or is it one course repeated throughout the year?

Sorry, I used the * intending to bold your name but it hasn't worked.

Is the vicar part of "the family"? If not, what has he/she been doing while all this is going on. Sounds awful. The home church group sounds much more relaxed.

Lenten courses are just that, a series of talks and meditations in the run up to Lent. As often they're run by a group of local churches it can be a good way of finding out about local options.

Vitalogy Its an evangelical type church with a pastor. Previous pastor stepped down a while ago and his son then became the pastor. In-laws hold key positions on the 'board' and current pastor's mother seems to be the only woman allowed to speak on Sundays. Although I am a Christian I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I've never read the Bible all the way through but just recently started to study using notes someone gave me. I don't know it as well as some anyway and keep hearing that the leadership 'set-up' isn't biblical and is getting worse, which is why people are leaving. The invitation to try out that home church group does sounds appealing, I admit.

Trailedanderror thanks for the information about Lenten courses. I'll see if I can find one that's available during the daytime.

Power corrupts..........

Something's off/not right with that set up. It's obviously not sitting well with you either. Follow your instinct OP. My faith is personal so don't gather together with others, although I do like to discuss these matters on MN. If you want to keep within a community for support, even though the home church will be smaller, you'll still have support, more control/input yourself too. I'm not a Christian and haven't read the Bible all the way through either, I find it heavy going but also found some beautiful and profound parts too. I find audio books a good alternative, there's audio versions of the Bible online. Best wishes.

Where are you OP? Via PM if you wish. I'm an expert in different churches and their vibes and can spot a dodgy one a mile off!

Jason118 That's exactly what this all feels like...some sort of 'corrupt' set-up.

Vitalogy I do prefer to be within a community for support but am finding myself more taken with the idea of a smaller, more intimate group rather than a big church. Never enjoyed looking at the back of someone's head while listening to one man shouting a message. That seems so far removed from how Jesus lived and went about talking to people. And I saw in the Bible that in the early years the disciples met in each other's homes so the home church idea isn't new as I first believed! This seems far more like the original way the church was set up and it does appeal to me so we'll see how it goes. Thank you so much for your best wishes.

Trailedanderror Don't want to say where I live in case anyone recognises my post and guesses who I am from the situation described. But if you have any tips to help me handle the situation I've outlined and handle it well, and how to move forward, I'm happy to learn.

Otherwise, thank you all and no need to continue posting if you don't particularly need to. I may post again in the near future just to give an update on the home church thing, or if I do a Lenten course.

You could see what the local C of E church offers. This website should help you find them www.achurchnearyou.com/

You could scroll through the mystery worshipper pages and see if there is anything nearish to you. www.ship-of-fools.com/mystery/index.html

I hope you find a supportive community.

that sounds like a cult, not a church, and I speak as a humanist

OP, you're right to be cautious. It sounds very off - toxic, in fact. It sounds like there's a power group at the core of it who are running things and not letting others in. The way they have treated the neighbours over the dispute says a lot, actually - Jesus had.something to say about how we treat our neighbours.

I second greenheart, why not look at achurchnearyou website and see what's local. Perhaps an Anglican church might suit better? Some of these independent evangelical churches are not great, though many can be. But the way you describe it leaves me cold.

Meanwhile here on MN you're more than welcome to join in the Christian prayer and chat threads :)