how do you 'let go', how do you know you've moved on?

[postmanpat]

i have a problem,i don't understand how one 'lets go', i would like to move on from my past but feel constantly stuck by it; keep repeating damaging cycles in relationships, i have a very low self esteem, have had for years and confidence is something that i've only ever seen in others, it some how is not ment for me. i think all this is the cause of having a difficult relationship with my dad, who died over 12 years ago, but who's constant disaproval haunts me still. i really need to move on, i feel exhausted by the way i feel about myself, but i just don't understand how to. i'm quite literal in mind so when i hear about 'letting go' it doesn't make any sense. i'm so muddled up, thanks for listening.

will post later dd needs dinner

Hi postmanpat

It is a good start, admitting that you want to change your life. The next step is to face that problem with the determination that you want to improve your feelings, situation(s). Then if you put energy and purpose into action then day by day you learn to let go of old cycles, patterns and feelings.
It is like going for a run. It is hard at first and usually you really don´t feel good. It takes practise and willpower (positive mantras). The more you run, the more you start to enjoy it and gain benefit from the exercise.

You said you see self esteem only in others. If it is something that you want - then go and get it! It does not always come naturally - so practise it! At the supermarket, with people you know and don´t know (whatever feels easiest at first) - try smiling and making eye contact - it amazing what a smile can do. Take note of that feeling and repeat it when the opportunity arises and when it feels safe. It is just a small thing, but it gets the ball rolling iykwim.

Hope we hear from you again soon.

If you are a literal thinker then an nlp technique may help you to start letting go - imagine tieing all the things /negative behaviour you want to get rid of such as feelings of disapproval to a red balloon and then release the balloons and watch them sail away keeping repeating tis visulisation every time you feel them getting too much. as paps says by recognising you are on your first step to letting go

hi there thanks for all your advice, i especially like the idea of 'going for a run'.

i would like to know more about NLP, what does it stand for?, where can i find out more.
thanks both of you, i feel better already.

NLP - do you mean this

postmanpat, you could be me...thought I'd write just to let you know someone else feels this way, so maybe we can help each other (not trying to hijack thread btw it's just that I know exactly how you feel, as have felt like this for a long time and not many people know but I think self-confidence is acquired (but I don't have it) good of you to post and admit to this too lavxxx