Help - I am drowning

[AnnieOH1]

TLDR: Felt I was guided by God to a new preacher who now has been questioning if I really have a relationship with God or not. I don't know what to do or where to turn.

Okay bear with me please because this isn't going to be particularly well written. As a very brief overview, I am Christian (denomination not relevant) and go to church regularly. I was a convert age 18. My experiences surround prayer and the Holy Ghost.

A few months ago I happened upon a random preacher on the internet (for entirely secular reasons). Everywhere I then turned I felt as though I was being pushed towards this preacher, I prayed and felt confirmation that I needed to listen to this preacher. He and I have commenced a dialogue and he has pointed me in the direction of some other writers (classic and modern).

So I commenced reading some of the writings the preacher has pointed out, and one has shaken me to the core. Effectively stating (and I am paraphrasing) that just because a church preaches God et al doesn't mean they aren't actually worshipping a demon (don't like that word but hey ho). So I'm not left thinking what the heck, I don't know now if my relationship with God is with God, I'm not sure where I stand right now. I mean I feel that I was lead to this preacher but then is that being lead away or lead straight? I am so confused right now, I don't know where to turn.

Thoughts welcomed.

Okay. As someone who was born into and later left the church and believes nothing...

Of course some churches aren’t dependable. They’re led by and made up of people who get stuff wrong.

This random preacher who’s pulling you in sounds a bit scary though.

Have you thought about non-religious counselling to work through your feelings on this?

It all sounds totally unhinged. Distance yourself from this 'preacher' and stop reading stuff that freaks you out. It's nonsense, the demon stuff.

Where is your church community in this?

It is fairly common in conservative churches to believe that their version of Christianity is the one true way. It is pretty extreme to accuse those who have a different way of worshipping the demonic but all things are possible on the internet.

Step away from this preacher. How about volunteering for something like street pastors where you see all the dreadful things that people do to themselves and get involved in helping them in small and caring ways. That is faith in action rather than getting involved in an online preacher's world.

Yes - I agree with greenheart. This preacher sounds dangerous. I'd step away from the online stuff and look into good steady real life stuff.

Please try not to worry. It sounds like this guy has planted anxiety in your mind. If you're worshipping Jesus and believe in the things he said you have no need to fear. Jesus is about freedom from fear, not slavery to it.

For me, the biblical passage that comes to mind in all this is:

Matthew 7:15

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognise them.

Does this random preacher have your best interests at heart? There are more than a few ravening wolves on the internet who can muster up a certain charming façade but are mainly motivated by a desire to have power over others.

All we know at the moment about this man’s ‘fruits’ is that he has made you feel undermined and uncertain about the validity of your faith.

So his fruits certainly seem to taste horrible. But he’s got you so confused that you are questioning your own taste buds rather than the goodness of the fruit itself!

From what you have said about him, I would steer clear. But, if you wish to continue contact, I would at the very least convey to him the extent of your unhappiness and see what he has to say. Does he care that the writings he has given you have upset you badly? If he were a good man, he would care.

By their fruits you will recognise them.

You seem to be starting to not accept what someone else says, and think for yourself, which is healthy. Less emphasis on being 'lead' might be good for you perhaps.