My first post ever on mumsnet - please be gentle!

[AnnieOH1]

I'll try and keep this as succinct as possible (TLDR at end!). I wasn't raised in faith, well nominally Christian which only went so far as what we did at school (which looking back actually was quite formal including saying grace and such). I first started to pray when I became friends with some Jehovah's Witnesses and from there found myself involved in various groups until I finally was baptised as an adult.

I've had a checkered past even before joining a church, better since but not great, and life has simply got in the way. Earlier this year though I finally started to really feel "right" with everything, I felt as though I'd finally achieved that level of faith that could move a mountain (well almost!)

I began through a total fluke helping a lady who needed some assistance with various things. She had suffered from cancer and her ex was being abusive. Cut a very long story short, I gave everything I had to help her out and got it all thrown back in my face and then some. I'll not bore you with the details but it went from feeling like this is exactly what God wants from me, this is exactly where I need to be, to everything exploding and since then I've not wanted to have anything to do with faith at all. I don't want to pray (I know that's when we should!) I just feel as if every time I make headway I am knocked back, at my darkest moments it feels as though if I just give up and stop fighting (let Satan win as it were) then I would be able to enjoy life and not worry about God or anything else.

I feel at a loss though, I'm distant from my church and my God and I just don't know what to do. I don't even know if I should start looking at other faiths or churches. I would welcome anyone's thoughts and perspectives be they Christian/wiccan/atheist whoever.

TLDR: Helped someone out, got burned and now feel like I cannot possibly carry on with faith.

Sorry to hear this. My first thought would be to read some of the psalms. The psalmist had some pretty rubbish times with people but God always helped him by the end of the psalm.

I am sorry you feel like this . I can remember times when I felt like you but I always knew that GOD is the only way out for me . I found this scripture encouraging James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

I also listen Joel Osteen , I find his teachings very uplifting and as PP said the psalms are also a good one . Even when you feel like you can't pray listen to gospel music or inspirational teachings from men of GOD, that way you will always feel connected to HIM

This Joel Osteen??? Such a blatantly manipulative, money grabbing, odious specimen.

Your post mixes up leading a good life and being religious, but neither of these implies the other. Why not focus on the good life first, i.e. concentrate on working out how to leave the world a better place than you found it, considering your own talents, needs and resources. Doesn't have to be all at once with a grand plan - just think about the effect of what you do, a bit more each week. Once you're more confident in the kind of person you are and the values you hold, perhaps it'll be easier to find a religious community that's a good fit, if you want one, or to be content without.

I tend to agree with relax. Living a good life, where acts of kindness/charity (for want of better terminology) have nothing specifically to do with organised religion.
I don't believe in God or Satan. I don't think I should "be good or be punished". I do things because they are the right thing to do.
I find the pagan/wiccan rule, "an it harm none, do as you will" a good one. Essentially, if your actions have no negative effect on anyone, including yourself, then go ahead. When you try to apply this, you realise how important every action is.

@cardinalsin I read your link but I still think his messages are inspiring and uplifting . He is doing the work of GOD and prospering which isn't a bad thing

Definitely take a look at other denominations. It's also perfectly alright not to pray if you don't want to. God will wait until you come back.

Annie, I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds to me like you have experienced a loss, not the loss of a person you held dear, but the loss of an idea about reality that you cherished. Understandably you need time to recover from the grief you feel on account of this, just as much as you would for the death of a person.

When you try to bring some sweetness into the world and it is all thrown back at you, it hurts. But it wasn’t your fault. Hold onto your sweetness. There are many who do appreciate that quality - and you will meet them in due course.

If you feel you need to withdraw for a while and lick your wounds, that’s perfectly fine. There are no set rules when it comes to recovering from loss of whatever type. So don’t feel you ought to do this or you ought to do that.

If I were to make a tentative suggestion it would be to go out into nature – a park will do. Simply let your mind be filled with the sights and sounds around you. And if tears come, welcome them.

Eventually you will be ready to face the world again and to reconnect with it in a way that is right for you.

But for now, please remember to be gentle with yourself and cosset yourself, just as you would try to comfort someone else if you knew they had suffered a loss.

I wonder where you are being supported OP? It sounds like you're feeling understandably very vulnerable from being knocked back in your attempts to support someone.

Would it help to think about the disciples when thinking about what faith might look like? They were filled with doubts, made massive screw ups and yet carried on-not because of who they were, but because they sat in and relied on the love of God. I don't necessarily think faith is about giving us all the power/influence that we want, but rather a way to be drawn into that relationship with God that enables us to see what it might mean to live life in all fullness(even if like Peter and Paul, that is stumblingly and not what we expected).

Is there someone you can talk to about this? Trusted friend, local vicar?

I'm glad you like Joel Osteen, but many consider his teachings to be the exact opposite of what the bible preaches - www.theblaze.com/contributions/joel-osteens-fake-heretical-christianity-isnt-any-better-than-atheism/

Personally, I prefer Joel Dongsteen...

Hi op, I think outwith has given you some wonderful advice and I agree with it all.

He is doing the work of GOD and prospering which isn't a bad thing

Oh dear, do you think god is happy that he is charging money for the sacred word, living in a 10 million dollar house. What would Jesus have done with that amount of money?
I cant believe someone would so blatantly make a comment like that.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

Unfortunately not at the moment really, I had only recent moved home when my DH got cancer so that ended up being a whole load of time off when I could've been at church but wasn't. I've never really got to know anyone locally as a result. There are maybe some people I could write to at least from my old church but I'm not sure that would do me much good at the moment.

I feel like a fish out of water right now!

Op, how terrible, I'm so sorry about your dh and everything that has happened to you.

I'm an atheist, so I live without a belief in god, I'm not sure thats really what you want now so I certainly won't push that.

I've heard a lot of theists on here say that god waits for people, and can find people at their darkest times. If I were you, I would stop trying to find him now and look after yourself. Focus on building up your life day by day. Do you have a support network nearby and how is your dh getting on with his illness now?

I can certainly see why you would feel like a fish out of water Annie. You’ve had a lot to endure, without even the solace of old familiar faces and places.

So how do you become a fish in water?

Well, I don’t think you should be going immediately for full immersion when you are feeling vulnerable and insecure. It’s more about dipping a fin in the water to start with and seeing how things develop.

You can go along to a church in a casual way, in the spirit of just going along to see what it looks like inside - and to do some people watching - without committing yourself. After the service you can make a swift exit or linger and mingle, depending on how you feel at the time.

Connections with neighbours and others around town can be made in a very low-key, low-investment brief-chat-in-the-street way initially and you can build up gradually if and when you start to feel you can trust them.

You say you don’t feel like praying and it would be understandable if you felt let down by God or uncertain about even trying to reach out in that direction.

I’m an atheist and I don’t ‘pray’ but if something is bothering me, rather than let it fester as repetitive half-formed thoughts in my mind, I’ll often go off somewhere quiet on my own and say it out loud to the universe. I don’t have any expectation of a response - I’m just getting it off my chest!

I might puzzle a few ducks from time to time but so what?

Maybe you could try something like that? Maybe talking to the universe could eventually become talking to God if at some point in the future you became comfortable with the idea again?

I love Outwiththeoutcrowds advice.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and the struggles you have been having lately. It does sound like you need to spend time mending and healing. Most churches would make you welcome, and you'd be just as welcome to sit on the edge and not join in if you just want to be. But there is no rush. You need to care for yourself.

You are really welcome on the prayer thread if you'd like to come along there and would like some more gentle support from Christians.

CardinalSin - I'm with you on Joel Osteen. I find him shallow and frankly terrifying. I prefer Christians living the life Jesus modelled, like Shane Claiborne - the prosperity 'gospel' makes me shudder :(

Thinking of you, OP.

I experienced a loss of faith when I finally left my horrifyingly abusive, Christian! husband. To put it bluntly, I thought 'fuck you God'. And may have said so a number of times in various ways.

For me, I was 'away' for a long time - about 18 years? For a long time I thought 'fuck you God'. However, life got really hard and I was desperate for comfort that, frankly, the world couldn't give, despite my exhaustive efforts. So I started going to the cathedral to listen to the music and the liturgy, which I found strangely comforting. But woe betide anyone who attempted to approach me..

Eventually I read a scripture that made it absolutely clear that God wasn't behind all that horrific abuse and didn't condone it. Sounds obvious written down, and I'd read that scripture a million times. But somehow I got it. I fair ran to God.

That's my story. My relationship with God is completely different to what it was before - far less 'religious' now iyswim. Much more realistic, and kind, and very very loving.

Don't blame God for people. Blame people for people. Understand who God says he is, then you'll better understand how to relate to him, yourself and other people.

Was just reminded of this thread when the great Joel Osteen refused to allow victims of hurricane Harvey to use his church until shamed by the internet...

..although he was hardly alone...

Oh, and now he's been asking the victims to give him money!

You couldn't make it up!

Oh, and another one who has just spent $65 million of church donations on a private jet...

I think you're just confusing two issues here. One is that you're just older and wiser in general and the other is a belief in god. Everyone grows wiser and more content as they age, that's just life. And we all also get shat on occasionally. That's also just life.

Did you maybe feel that because you felt you were doing something for god that you wouldn't get hurt? The world is full of people outside of any religion who are also experiencing this: not being thanked/appreciated.

I can see how the faith issue is just confusing you. What's to stop you being loving and caring to those around you but without the religion?

Did you stay with the JWs OP or find a more mainstream church?

As for the lady you tried to help - it happens. It happened to Jesus (Luke 4 for eg) and it happens to everyone in any sort of ministry. You do have to lick your emotional wounds for a while.
But this is the price of free will - that God "lets" hurtful things happen. Go and test out some local churches, maybe listen to some worship songs if reading the Bible and praying is too hard at the moment and allow your heart to become soft again instead a big mass of scars.