not feeling so high now

[imback]

can anyone help me. i was on a real high last week. been doing alpha and had really started to find myself. this week we had to let the holy spirit into us. others felt this in many ways. i, felt nothing but sadness and have felt empty eversince. why is this. i am so so so down. any help would be so appreciated

When you posted last week I wondered how long it would be before the evil one started to attack you, which is precisely what this sounds like. Once you have made a commitment and asked Jesus into your heart and the Holy Spirit into your life, you are saved, whether or not your emotions indicate this, and this is the first test of your new faith. I would talk to your Alpha leader about this - out of meeting - and I guarantee you you will not be the first to wonder if you have missed out. Secondly, I would keep praying and reading over things like Psalm 35 and asking God to help you to feel jesus and the Holy Spirit in your life. For some people they do not get immediate gifts and signs - but they are no less loved and saved. God Bless.

This is one of the things that worries me about Alpha. You don't 'have' to do anything, God is with you and the Spirit is there. The problem is that if you see everyone having various experiences that you don't have, you can feel very sad, just as you do. But God doesn't work like that, faith doesn't work like that. Faith is a journey, for some it will mean a quick march along the road but for others it will mean a gentle stroll, even baby steps. Two weeks' is such a short time in a faith journey. I have a priest friend who says he has never experienced the Holy Spirit, and yet to thers it is obvious that the Spirit is with him. There is no right or wrong way, and you will find that the right way for you will happen. Just don't push it, don't try, just keep on praying, reading the Bible, it will come.

FWIW I don't believe in attacks by evil. But I do wonder whether maybe this experience is releasing a lot of sorrow that you are carrying with you. Maybe this is part of your burden that you need to lose. Hand your sadness to God. Write it down, even if all you can find to write is what you have written here. Ask if you can put it on teh altar at church, or place it in your Bible. You then know that God is dealing with it. Such things can take time to heal, don't expect instant results.

HTH xxx

thanks for replying. nearlythree, i do feel like you say, extremely sad, all my hangups seem to have come to the surface and i just feel totally unworthy, and that i am such a bad person that i dont deserve anything love. have never felt so depressed, it is like some huge weight on me. i will follow your advice and hopefully sort myself out. thanks again

should be any love. sorry

But you are worthy. I know Christianity sometimes places a lot of emphasis on the idea that we aren't worthy of God's love, but we are - we are made in God's image, and the only reason we exist is because of God's love. Whatever we have done it is because of our human frailty (and I have done things that make me so upset I want to curl up and hide, believe me) but that doesn't make us any less worthy, any more than our dcs doing awful things stops them from deserving our love.

Also don't forget that last week your body would have been on an endorphin high, and this week you may be 'coming down'.

i know that and i am better now that have had a chat at church but.............still have loads going on in head. am also down cos dh very anti and part of me is resenting him. i want to be with my christian friends where i can talk about thing, i cant do that here. lots to think about. they all off out soon, so house to myself and lots of contemplation. i guess that at the end of the day god loves me but i have to love me to and thats gona be hard.

xx

Glad you are feeling better. It is very hard loving yourself, but you have to give yourself a break, too. As for your dh, I have a lot of sympathy, but it must be strange for him - I once read that converting to Christianity was like having an affair, in that a new Christian suddenly falls in love with a man called Jesus and wants to spend all their time thinking about him and talking about him with other people. I expect you dh just needs som ereassurance, esp. if he sees it apparently making you unhappy.

Hope you enjoy your quiet time this afternoon.

i think what is stopping me going forward is my other half. he thinks i am having a life crisis and need to sort myself out. i could never begin to explain what i have found. i am regretting being married to him and feel trapped with a non christian

imback so sorry you are feeling like this and atm don't have any wise words to offer you but will ponder over it and see wht happens

Why are you blaming your poor husband? I am not religious and if my husband suddenly became religious I would be absolutely devastated. Give the guy a break.

But maybe God chose you to be with him. Marriage is a vocation, like the priesthood or any other holy undertaking. It's possible your dh will never come round but at least you are bringing something into his life he wouldn't o/wise have. Being married to a Christian sounds great but you could end up having massive differences over what you believe.

I can see why your dh feels as he does, I have been through terrible times on my spiritual journey and my dh has found it hard to understand why I kept going if it made me so depressed.

I wonder if someone has suggested to you that your dh is to blame? I've come across this before, non-Christians (or Christians of the 'wrong' sort) being blamed for holding people back. Your dh is precious to God and he was precious to you once. Do you have dcs? In which case get Rob Parson's book, The Sixty Minute Marriage.

aloha i am sorry i seem to have mad you cross. i am very confused at the moment and this site has really helped.
nearlythere thanks, aganin, i will get the book......but right now, i could just walk. yes i do have dcs, one christian other like her dad, very anti. my family seems split.

Splitting a family isn't God's way. God is a creator, not a destroyer.

You need to talk to your dh. You may need to agree times when you don't mention your faith, and times when your dh knows you will be praying/reading the Bible etc. And talk to your dd who is anti, find out why. Maybe she is worried about an apparent change in you, or worried that you will want her to change. Maybe she has ideas about what being a Christian is like. Maybe she even knows what you are thinking and are fearful for her family.

Were you a Christian when you married or is this all totally new?

i have always been a christian but it was dormant through my 20s and 30s. i would never split my family up, i am just down at the moment

Hi imback, lovely to hear that you have become a Christian. Christians come in all shapes and sizes, and as St Paul says, the gifts of the Holy Spirit vary from person to person, as appropriate. Don't feel sad that you haven't felt the Holy Spirit in the ways others around you appeared to. God is reaching out to you in the most perfect way for you. Also I believe people are naturally suggestible, and many of the people there may well have just been caught up in the atmosphere. The Holy Spirit makes his presence known by the fruits of your life, not necessarily by gifts and signs. With regard to your DH, what is it about his behaviour that is upsetting you? My husband is not Christian, but that doesn't stop me from going forward. There will always be people around us that don't believe as we do, and our job is to show them Jesus in our actions and words, and to love them. You might like to read the letters of St Paul to the new Christian communities, they contain a lot of help for people just starting out as Christians, which may be just what you want at the moment.

hi and thanks again. i have just ordered the sixty min mum, marriage and alpha questions and answeres. i do feel a bit better today, but the urge to lock myself away for aweek is still here, just to pray and enjoy jesus. perhaps i need a retreat!

Worth Abbey is good, or if you are near Essex the Diocesan House of Retreat at Pleshey is lovely.

My DH was very anti at first as well. Not so much because I was a Christian, but more because I am now undergoing lay ministry training (3 year part time course).

When we first met, I wasn't much of a Christian, didn't go to church because of things that had happened in my life. I started going to church again when I had my DS (DD was 2). Still though, it wasn't a major part of my life.

When I moved here, I was still drifting a bit, searching. Then I felt God's call to ministry (a year ago now!) and everything changed dramatically. Very much like the "high" you experienced at Alpha. And yes, after the high, sometimes I'd feel I had come crashing down, and feeling low. Bit like being on a rollercoaster, really!

I think you need to acknowledge the lows as a result of a period of adjustment in your life. Sometimes there may be reasons for the lows - you may be tired, it may be bothering you your DH isn't a believer for instance. Other times it may be because you miss "the buzz" of feeling the Spirit working within you. If the last reason, there are other ways God reaches out to you. It may be through scripture, it may be through just spending time quietly, listening for him, not doing a lot. TBH, those moments when you quietly feel him can be more rewarding than the "buzz". I often feel closest to God at 3am, lying quietly in bed, and there are no other distractions. God wants you to grow as a Christian, and although he is always with you, you won't always feel him there because he wants you to stand on your own two feet. However, if you get really low, believe in him and listen for him, and (I've found) he will come to you.

As for your DH. It IS a bit like having an affair! He is probably worried about how you are changing. He proably needs reassurance that you'll still love him. For a time, I felt confused about my DH, and it really bothered me he wasn't a Christian, and that I couldn't discuss it with him. But I tried to see things from his POV, and tried to become more loving towards him, making a fuss of him, and we've grown so much closer because of it! Plus he can see how much happier I've become since I've re-found God! That probably bothered him too, because it wasn't him making me feel that happy, but he seems to have grown used to it. As for discussing things Christian - I've now got friends I can talk things through with, which is very important if you can't share with your DH.

Give yourself time and give him time. Its still all very new for you AND him!

One last word. Don't beat yourself up over "not being as good a Christian as you'd like". Its an easy thing to do, particularly when you are "on that rollercoaster"! There are SO many examples of people in the bible getting it wrong - Peter was ALWAYS putting his foot in it!

HTH. xxx

God bless

Mary

My dh isn't a christian either - I became one a few years ago and at first he was quietly sceptical, but the small changes he saw in me worked on him powerfully, and I know of other couples where that is also the case. My last vicar became a Christian after his wife was evangelised, but some six months after - and when he was asked what the turning point was he said it was when he forbade her to have a bible in the house and she obeyed him.... so keep praying for DH and ask God to show you him through His eyes, and you will at least be given the patience to weather this.

marybs..........thankyou so much for your reply. you have given me so much to think about and made me feel sooooo much better. i will take all that you say on board and stick with the Alpha (i was close to giving up) thanks again xx

I'm really glad I was able to help. There have been many times when I've wanted to quit, because it all seems so hard, and so much easier just to give up. I keep a poem to hand which I read when I feel like that:

"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must but Don't You Quit!

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up through the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem the worst
That You Mustn't Quit!"

I've got it bookmarked so I can bring it up on the PC whenever I want:

poem

This is another one I have bookmarked:

I asked God

It helps me when I don't understand why bad things happen to me and others and my prayers don't seem to be answered.