Christian prayer thread for spring

[Dutchoma]

BES has no computer at the moment and has sent me a very comprehensive list of prayers partners.
Rather than put this is the middle of an ongoing thread I thought it would be better to start a new thread, so all the names stay at the top.

amberlight - for her work supporting people with autism, and for health and happiness for her and her family.

BlackEyedSusan - for all that she has to juggle as a single mum, for ds who has ASD, dd who might have ASD and dyspraxia (waiting for appointments) and for her mum. Also for the computer to be mended

Bloomed- New year, fresh start

Cocoaleaves - for issues around the safety of her DS.

Colabottles64- struggling with infertility.

DancingUnicorn - new to the thread, most welcome

Dontbesilly - for strength as she grieves the loss of her dad, for her DD's school issues, and for Dont's recovery from a car accident. For DH and his recovery from a heart attack and finding her phone!

drspouse - for happiness and a warm welcome in her new church and for dcs

DutchOma - with gratitude for all she does to support people on this thread and elsewhere.

EddSimcox - for her dd, for her relationship with DP and her parents and her growing faith.

FaithLoveandHope - for her anxiety and depression to lift and for her to be able to avoid falling into despair and self-harm, and for her relationship with her DSD.

girlandboy- family and faith

Lissette-anxiety and thanks for lots of prayers for others on this thread.

MadHairDay - for her health, and those pesky lungs. For her friend.

Musicposy- CT scans, diagnosis and treatment, giving thanks that some progress with diagnosis has been made

Nickel- for church and her disability, and a friend moving on from DV

NoRoomForALittleOne - Giving thanks that he operation was successful. For freedom from pain and recovery.

Orchidflower1- for help with her anxiety and the relationship with her husband

PositiveAttitude - for her whole family, but especially her DD1 who has been depressed, her dgs who was born early and poorly, her mum and dad, her DH and his work. Above all, we pray for PA herself, who is always there for others when they need her, for her studies, and for a potential house-move.

QoF - for her relationship with her DH.

sadandanxious- for help with anxiety

StillSmallVoice MIL has an invasive malignant melanoma for dd and historical abuse investigation.

Tunnocks - after the loss of her husband
Trazzletoes- for her young DS, Joe, who is having treatment at Great Ormond Street Hospital- bereavement, losing her DH

TUO - who has had to withdraw from the thread for a while through business in real life.

Zombie clan- remembering Candy and MummyLin

And also thinking of friends who haven't visited for a while, or who pop in only occasionally, including: abbsismyhero, ALittleFaith, Anjelica27, Aphie, applesandpears33, Badders123 Bluetinkerbell, clementineorange, CoolCarrie, DancingUnicorn, FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile guinessgirl (how is your friend?)HardyLeodicean itshappenedagain, Kaykat, JugglingFromHereToThere, ktef, LarrytheCucumber legohurtswhenyoustandonit,LifeOfBriony,LittleBootsTheBabe, Mary, originalmavis, ozymandiusking Pandora97, pklme SESthebrave shortscotty,SingaSong12 SparkyStars Sugarpiehoneyeye The Woollyback'sWife Weegiemum, ZippidiSoozi and others.

And, as always, prayers for anyone I've forgotten (with apologies), for all who lurk but don't post, and for newbies who may not have posted yet.

dr's appointments for them both.

dd has been given a peak flow meter to keep a record.

washing at ex's library, possible maeltdowns ahoy... so stressful.

Washing at ez’s library? That does not quite ring true. Hope you escape the meltdowns.

Hope you're ok, BES. You've had a lot to deal with lately

How's everyone else doing?

fecking comma missing.

doh.

awaiting the boiler pump specialist from the plumbing firm.

I am going to mothers for the weekend. I was going straight after school but not packed as it took a fecking hour to login to dd's school account to pay for her trip.

ds has a trip on monday too which I am not looking forward to organising.

ffs.

nervous breakdown booked for sometime on wednesday.

oh and the fecking boiler is going to cost me another 600 quid n otp of the 700 already.

Best of luck with that little lot BES, especially the school trip. You are entitled to the breakdown

How is it going bes? I have an on-going boiler saga, so I feel your pain. I am going to pray things get easier for you (and warmer)

I am okay mhd, still got the on-going legal matter, but lots of other more positive things too. It is exhausting, but others have worse. How are you doing?

Prayers for all, we have a gorgeous sunny day today, and that in itself is a blessing

I have lost my glasses and the oven door is stuck closed.

I also have school trip, pe for the first time this term and inhalers to sort and dd is having asthma like attacks

and a friend is comng to help with the flat.

Is the boiler working though? And how was your mother? Did your glasses turn up?

found my glasses hiding in one tiny part of my yarn stash. (also found the missing colour in another stacker box hidden in a cupboard)

cooker door released. (may need to take a tiny bit of plastic off the catch)

PE fine, school trip fine. still confused about dd's breathing difficulties.

mum was fine on saturday and enjoyed going round asda in a wheelchair. anxious again on sunday and fell in the night and broke her hip so is now in hospital awaiting an operation tomorrow. can not speak to her.

flat is tidier, friend stripped wallparer from behind new towel rail.

boiler needs a service. turned off completely. may need to put in a new boiler and have asbestos removed. (chimney/flue) it may well be the time to get that done as repairs will cost 700. it could be worth it though to prolong it's life and put off the worst bit until we can go away while it is done.

Wow, bes that is bad news about your mother. I am sorry to hear that.

My boiler is completely off too now, awaiting new parts fitted tomorrow. I hope these do the job as I cannot afford to fix it.

Prayers for a calm period for you

Oh BES that is pretty awful, but probably and accident waiting to happen. Things have been pretty bad for your mother for some time and not a lot anybody could do about it, now she is in hospital and being teated it may be possible for her to find it easier to accept care outside the home.
Boilers are a pain, I am so glad I had mine replaced and it has certainly made a difference in the bills. It is the initial outlay though which is the problem.
I hope you both get some satisfaction from your respective engineers.

trying to work out if I can go to mums.

first I need to make sure i have done enough washing uniform for next week.

sorting out dd's food tech, when she does not eat chicken or meat susbtitutes as she is not eating meat and is allergic to substitutes. (I need to cook falafel which takes an hour or more as you need to leave the mix to prove in the fridge.)

buying and packing food to take with us as ds cna not go to the supermarket without disasterous consequences.

need to get homework completed, otherwise she gets a detention.

oh and pack. if I have enough clean clothes as I went up last weekend and did not get the washing done at their dad's as usual.

rearranging contact.

sure they all fucking want me to go but it is not as simple as just turning up. there is all hthe medication to pack, the things they need for thier disability, managing both sets of disabilities. and illness.

sil driving down to have dc at their dad's. we are driving up to see mum. (will probably eat at the hospital. ) hopefully we will manage a load of washing while collecting from their dad's . (sil will put it in an hour before we get back)

Oh BES I do hope and pray it will all work out.

Hope you don't mind me popping on.
I have to write my pain down.
Sorry it will be long and maybe upsetting.

I was raised in a Christian family (father a priest )
Big family lots of siblings. We got made to be all dressed up and smiles on a Sunday for show.
However my life at home was far from smiles and pretty dresses.
My "father" abused me and my siblings in every way possible, but yet he did it in a way that he made innocent teaching if that's makes sense.
I told my mother many many times to which she would cry and shout at my dad , he would get angry and lash out some times pining her up the wall by her neck or dragging her into the other room .
The abuse stopped when my older brother died of an unrelated illness.

Life went on and I grew up, I slept around with older men, I drank, smoked and everything else.

When I became pregnant however I had enough of holding this in I couldn't bond with my beautiful girl because of the pain and anger I held onto in my heart.
I spoke up , got no where (lack of evidence )
Anyway I felt I had done what I could and left my past as that my past.

Now I have married and my daughter not a baby anymore. However I feel I am being "punished" for my past not the abuse but my actions after it.
I have unexplained fertility issues, I cannot give my husband a child. He is step dad and treats dc as his own. However he longs for a child as do I and our dc a sibling.
I suffer from serve ptsd, highly emotional, sad, aching body sore panic attacks a million of mental health issues I cannot list.

I feel like a failure to my husband to my daughter . I shut myself out and I don't know how to make it better.
I put on a smile for them but I'm so broken.

I try so hard to speak out to God but my faith is broken I know I am not the only person in the world to suffer and people suffer much worse than me but I feel my childhood was stolen, I have no foundation nothing , maybe that's why I can't have children within my marriage?
I just don't understand life and how it is so cruel .
I don't want any answers I just needed to send my thoughts somewhere other than in my own head.

I am sending you love, prayers and hope. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

I found this blog when I felt broken - half way down the page in italics, there is a quote, which speaks to the sense of being broken, and the possibilities of (re-)creation.

ourhealth.org.au/stories/complex-ptsd-breaking-silence-fringe-dweller

If you are broken, then the light can get in. However long it takes. And some things need to be taken apart, or broken, to come together in a better way.

But with trauma, there is also the need for specialist counselling, do you have that? No need to answer, just my thoughts, you are carrying the weight of something you did not cause. The abuse was not your fault, you feel like your childhood was stolen because it was, your actions after it seem entirely reasonable, there is no link to secondary infertility.

May God be with you, look after you, and hold you gently. May you know unconditional love from those around you. May you cease to blame yourself, but offer yourself (and your hurting child self) love and tenderness

Oh sunshine. I couldn't read this and not reply. I apologise for not giving a fuller reply now but been up since 4 am so can barely focus. But just wanted to say thank you for reaching out here. We are here to listen. I am so very sorry for the horrendous things you have lived through and what your father put you through.

Just a quick question - are you seeing go etc about MH stuff - are you on medication? Hope you don't mind me asking but I do think it's so important.

There are no answers apart from a person's decision to do evil to his family. But one thing I love about the Christian faith is that Jesus gets suffering because he went through the most hideous suffering, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Because of that God knows what we are going through and weeps with us. There is a verse I love in the Bible which talks about God collecting each of our tears in a bottle. None of your tears have gone unseen.

Please do talk here if you need to. Or feel free to pm me if you want to talk further, I'm sorry my reply isn't fuller for now.

With sincere prayers,

mHD

Thank you both, it's nice to have someone who listen to me without the pressure of acting like I'm OK.
My GP has tried but he is so busy it takes weeks for a appointment and most the time I get in such a state in the waiting room I just make up a quick reason for being there so I can leave.
I get put on one medication to the next. It doesn't work, I can't speak out fully to him.
Because - I can't bare him looking down on me.

• I don't want him to involve anyone who might take my dc away. I don't want them to think I am no good for her.

I've tried online cbt but I got to upset to carry on.

I pray and read my Bible, I can't get to church as a freeze at the thought .
I feel like God has abandoned me because I abandoned him.

Oh my darling girl.

I would like you to think what you would do if your child, your darling, much loved child got cross with you, stamped out of the house and then thought better of it and came back. Think of the story of the ‘prodigal’ son. Did God throw him out? Just think, my love, if God is anything, He is a God of love, of forgiveness and He kows. He knows just what you are like AND HE STILL LOVES YOU.

The Father is just waiting for you, waiting to pour His love over you and wrap you round.

Try and think about that for a bit.

Firstly, no-one will try to take your DC away, I imagine, because of your own experiences, your DD is much-loved, treated with respect and well-provided for. It is okay for DC to witness a panic attack, not nice, but okay - because they will learn adults are humans too.

When I had a panic attack in front of DC, I simply told them what was happening, that I needed them to be quiet and not fuss over me, and I would be fine in a bit, and it was nothing they had caused in any way.

One in four mothers has some kind of mental health issue. Yours are caused by trauma, they do not make you an unfit mother.

That is the first thing I think. The second is to say of course it is distressing to step into a Church. That too is a trauma response. That is the building you associate with your father. So, the anxiety responses are fight, flight or freeze. God’s beautiful earth is all around you, you are part of it, the flowers, sky, landscape, all those things. Churches were not built by God, they were built by man, and men unfortunately are not all good, even those who profess to teach God’s word. Churches should be beautiful places, sanctuaries, but for you, they are going to trigger a whole load of associations which are threatening. God still loves you, wherever you pray.

My final thoughts are to do with real life support. CBT teaches you strategies to better manage negative thoughts, it does not heal trauma. Where I am the NHS will provide six sessions of CBT and then refer on if further support is needed, my CBT therapist was clear she could not heal the underlying issues, but it did help in managing the anxiety and panic attacks. Your GP can also refer you directly to a specialist psychiatrist. Do you think an appointment with a female GP would be easier? Or if you write it down, as you have here, and take it in?

The other option, depending on your means, is to find someone privately, that way it won’t be in your medical records, if that concerns you, then you have a longer time to build a trust to speak.

I know you will have thought of all these things. I know it is hard. It is enormously hard. But it is not your fault. It was your father’s fault. It is enormously difficult to get child abuse proven and prosecuted, unless there is physical evidence, or several (former) victims coming forward,; it does not mean it did not happen. Whatever you do, put down the responsibility that anything you have said is your fault. It’s really not.

Please also don’t feel obliged to reply to any of what I have said, those are just my thoughts; you have done such a brave thing writing your experiences down. I am going to include you in my prayers that you find peace