Things suddenly making sense.

[Jaytee38]

Hi.

This is my first thread I normally just lurk. Anyway I'll try to make sense.

Ive been a Christian pretty much all my life except for a relapse during Uni and some if my 20s . Im now in my late 30s. I kind of have 3 "issues " and im hoping someone might have advise.

The first is that Im not baptised. I believe i should get baptised as i believe what the bible says about it. However at my church you have to stand at the front and give your testimony. I just cant do this i genuinely have a phobia of public speaking and im actually sick. However without this I cant get baptised and I really want to be.

2 i was brought up in a nice but strict church. NOONE ever believes me but from ages of about 8- 11 we had to do written exams. All our teaching was on knowledge of the bible. So now even though i could tell you heaps i don't have or understand the relationship ppl have with God and Jesus. I pray and read my bible but it doesnt change. I enjoy worship but once it ends its back to normal. I keep thinking maybe if i just buy the right bible it will change, i seriously have about 2 book shelves of bibles eventhe same editions thinking maybe the supplements or extra bits may help.Any ideas ir what worked for you?

3 Finally and sorry Ive gone on. Loads of my friends go to the same church as me. I like it too. Its got great teaching, good worship and values i trust. (I should exolain that a lot of ppl my age have gone to thus church since Uni so they know each othet well. Also most my age are married with kids so i dont fit in with their group either. I should also say I am quite shy til I know people.)They all serve in different ministries and its obvious that is areas they're gifted in and they do them well . I really wanted to take a responsibility but i don't feel like i have any gifts. Ive helped in childrens ministry before in 2 different areas but i didnt enjoy it and I found it really unfriendly but i dont know what I can do. I see it as a necessity to serve and I want to but where do i go from here. I have prayed about it.

I should add I go to a weekly home group which has about 9 ppl and I get a lot out of it. We are a mix of ages but i can see they have this relationship that I want.

Anyway im grateful to anyone who read this and advice on any of it would be really appreciated.
JILL

1 Ask priest if you can have a private baptism or go to a different church that will.
2 Not completely sure what you mean. It sounds like you don't really believe in God but want to and are looking for a book (or something) to give you a personal revelation that will convince you. If that's the case you need to consider what you are actually looking for.
3 You feel you have to help but you don't actually enjoy helping in the church. I think this is connected to answer 2, it sounds like your looking for some fulfillment in life but it also sounds like you are looking in the wrong place.

Probably not the answer you wanted but maybe your trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Hi Jaytee,
Why don't you talk to your vicar and explain you don't want to give a testimony but want to be baptised? It's not compulsory!
Try reading Jesus Calling. I love it. It has notes and also some bible references you can look up if needed. Or look for a local women's group. It doesn't have to be in the same church you attend on Sunday's.
You don't have to serve in church. There are many areas outsid church you could serve in. I do help at Creche in church but I also am on my local village hall committee, help at Cubs, pre-school and make a point if trying to talk to mums on their own in the school playground. You could even serve on-line in various capacities.
Do also have a look at other local churches to see if any of them suit you better.
Hope you get things sorted.

Thanks i appreciate your time. Sadly im not a mum i just like reading mums net. Another reason id thought it would be good to serve is to get to find out if there are any other singletons in their late 30s on the look out for friends. Thank you for the book reccomendation i will definitely have a look for it

happy to make new friends, I know how hard it is. where do you live?

I live in Nort East Scotland how about you ?

I am in South England

Most of my family live in SW England

I have been to baptisms where the persons testimony is read by friend/pastor as they felt too emotional. There is no suggestion in the bible that people gave speeches when baptised so it should be fine to actually say nothing.
RE point 2 I think it is important not to base things on what you feel emotionally. For most people, what they feel during communal worship is not a feeling that stays with them all week. It is great that you read your Bible and pray. Maybe ask God to make part of what you study stand out for you each day. You will find that the bits that stick with you start to have a relevance during your day/week
Re gifting, maybe ask others at church what they think you could help with. It might be practical, helping with the chairs/coffee rota/visiting a housebound church member etc.
All the best.