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Calling all Jewish parents.....

64 replies

Crunchie · 25/05/2004 09:48

Looking at a couple of the education threads there's a few posters who want to know how to include some traditions and stuff into the household. In some ways to conteract the broadly christian teaching at our schools.

I know myself and Rolymoly are interested in this, is there anyone else who can share their family traditions and help us create a jewish household??

OP posts:
lisalisa · 01/06/2004 17:14

Message withdrawn

twiglett · 06/06/2004 21:16

message withdrawn

cori · 07/06/2004 15:50

hello chiswick mum,
I am in the same boat as you.
My DH is jewish too, i am not. I was brought up catholic. I would like DS to be brought up to understand both religous traditions but need to find a liberal synagogue that would accept a non-jewish mother.
If you find out about those seminars 'my parnters jewish and i am not' let me know.

Crunchie · 07/06/2004 15:58

I think we should do a London meet up, since most people seem to be around there. Perhaps in a park for a picnic one weekend. What does anyone think??

OP posts:
prettycandles · 07/06/2004 16:00

I'm up for it! How about Golders Hill Park - or is that too appropriate ?

chiswickmum · 07/06/2004 21:31

Cori

I will try and find out when the next seminar is and post it here.

I have found that all of the Liberal synagogues we have been to have a policy of accepting non-Jewish partners. However, as I've looked into this, I have found that the activities aimed at under 5s vary and that our local synagogue doesn't do that much until they get to 4 or 5 - but am going to speak to the rabbi to check this.

Crunchie · 08/06/2004 09:35

Cori, where abouts do you live? There are quite a few Liberal synagogues in London who are welcoming whatever the parents upbringing. I am stil nominally a memeber if the LJS (Liberal Jewish Synagigue) in St Johns Wood, but there are many others. There is a group called ULPS which all the Liberal synsgogues are members of, I will try to find a website for you.

OP posts:
Crunchie · 08/06/2004 09:39

Look here for more information

OP posts:
Crunchie · 08/06/2004 09:44

This is a long article, written in fact by my Godfather, which is really interesting in explaining the 'jewishness' of the children of mixed marriages. Also how important it is to educate our children into being jewish.

WHERE WE STAND on
Liberal Judaism & Jewish Identity
by Rabbi John D Rayner

A. GENERAL PRINCIPLES
Judaism is not transmitted genetically but culturally and within families through example and influence. The process of transmission is one of education in the broadest sense, so that what is transmitted is not merely knowledge but beliefs and values, attitudes and ideals, and above all, a sense of identification and commitment.
The responsibility for transmitting Judaism derives from Sinai, that is from the obligation our ancestors took upon themselves when, on behalf of themselves and their descendants, they pledged their commitment to their covenant with God saying "We will do and hear." Exodus 24:7.

The transmission of Judaism is a task for each successive generation of Jews. "God established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, and commanded our ancestors to teach their children, that the next generation might know them, even the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep the commandments." (Psalm 78:5 ff)

Reality is one thing, law another. The extent to which Judaism is actually transmitted varies infinitely. Therefore in reality, Judaism is a matter of degree. Law, however, cannot take account of all the variations and degrees. Therefore the question "Who is a Jew in law?" is not to be identified with the question "Who is a Jew in reality?" However, it is desirable that the legal definition should correspond as closely as possible to the real situation.

The traditional "halachic" definition of Jewish status is not the only possible one. In at least one respect the earlier biblical understanding of Jewish identity differed from the later Rabbinic one. In modern times there has been occasional conflict between the Rabbinic definition and the common-sense view taken by the Israeli Supreme Court in interpreting the "Law of Return". Likewise, Progressive Judaism, while generally following the Rabbinic tradition, has found it necessary to adopt a different policy in some respects.

B. WHERE BOTH PARENTS ARE JEWISH
The general rule is: where both parents are Jewish the child is Jewish. It is based on the assumption that, where both parents are Jewish, they will fulfil their responsibility more or less adequately, and that the cultural process of the transmission of Judaism will therefore take place. We too make that general assumption. But we recognise that in some instances it is unfortunately belied by the facts. All the more do we stress the need to impress on Jewish parents their responsibility to ensure that their children receive the best possible Jewish education.

Child of Jewish parents adopted in infancy by non-Jewish parents. Although we have no record of such a case, it is obvious that, were it to occur, no transmission of Judaism would take place. 'We therefore take the view that such a child, if raised in a religion other than Judaism, should be regarded as non-Jewish and able to become Jewish only by conversion, though we would naturally encourage and facilitate such conversion if the child, when grown up, should sincerely desire it.

Another possible exception: when Jewish parents raise their child as a non-Jew. Although it would not be practicable, nor desirable, to investigate in each and every case the extent to which Jewish parents have fulfilled their responsibility, nevertheless, where it is known that, for whatever reason, they have neglected it completely, the rabbi to whom a person so brought up applies may, at his or her discretion, require a course of instruction in Judaism, followed by an affirmation of loyalty to Judaism, before acceding to the request.
A third exception: the apostate. According to Rabbinic law a Jew who converts to another religion retains some but not all the privileges of Jewish status and if he wishes to become fully re-identified with the Jewish community, is required to undergo a ritual of reversion. We take a similar view. In appropriate cases the revert may be required to take a course of re-education in Judaism, and the act of reversion involves a formal renunciation of the apostasy and a declaration of loyalty to Judaism.

C. WHERE BOTH PARENTS ARE NON-JEWISH
The general rule is: where both parents are non-Jewish, the child is non-Jewish and can only become Jewish by conversion. It is based on the assumption that in such a case no transmission of Judaism will take place. We too make that assumption - unless the child is adopted in infancy by Jewish parents or converts to Judaism subsequently.

A child adopted in infancy by Jewish parents is Jewish. Here we differ from Rabbinic law, which does not recognise adoption (as affecting status). We take the view that in such a case, even though both parents are non-Jewish, provided that the child is under seven years old at the time of adoption, the cultural influence of adoptive parents is the decisive one, and accordingly regard the child as Jewish without need of conversion. Our Rabbinic Board does, however, issue a special certificate of Jewish status in such cases, and we urge the adoptive parents to apply for it as soon as possible after the adoption.

A non-Jew who converts to Judaism is Jewish for all purposes. That has always been the view of Jewish tradition, which declares it unethical to remind a proselyte of his or her non-Jewish past (Mishnah, B.M 4:10). There are only two cases in which Rabbinic law treats a proselyte differently from other Jews, in that a proselyte may marry a mamzer and a female proselyte may not marry a kohen; neither of these exceptions applies in Liberal Judaism. We accept as Jewish for all purposes, without exception, any proselyte who can produce evidence of conversion by any competent Jewish authority, whether Progressive, Conservative or Orthodox.

D. CASES OF MIXED PARENTAGE
If only one parent is Jewish, Judaism may or may not be transmitted. In the realm of reality, as distinct from law, this is not a matter of opinion but of fact. It can happen, and it does happen, regardless of whether the father or mother is the Jewish parent, that such a child is raised as a Jew, and it can happen, and does happen, that such a child is raised as a non-Jew. Therefore to make the status of such a child entirely dependant on that of one parent or the other involves a degree of arbitrariness and allows a gap to arise between reality and law.
In biblical times the father was the determining factor. At least, such evidence as the Bible affords implies so. For instance, Rehoboam, son of King Solomon, was considered Jewish enough to sit on the throne of Judah even though his mother, Naamah, was a Moabitess (I Kings 14:21) and there is no indication that she converted to Judaism (as a matter of fact, formal conversion to Judaism did not exist in biblical times). Likewise, Ahaziah and Jehoram, sons of Ahab, became kings of Israel even though their mother was the notoriously pagan Phoenician Jezebel (I Kings 22:52, II Kings 3:1).

In Rabbinic times the mother became the determining factor. This change from patrilineality to matrilineality is first mentioned in the Mishnah (Kiddushin 12:3) and "justified" in the Gemara (Kiddushin 68b) by an artificial interpretation of a scriptural verse (Deuteronomy 7:3). The reason for it is not clear. However, for some purposes, for example, the transmission of the status of a kohen or a levite, the patrilineal principle has always been the operative one in Rabbinic Judaism, and remains so in Orthodox Judaism today.

The matrilineal principle is unsatisfactory for three reasons. First, it is unreasonable and unjust that the child of a Jewish mother and a non-Jewish father should be treated as Jewish even if raised as a non-Jew and that in the converse case it should be treated as a non-Jew even if raised as a Jew. Secondly, it allows a Jewish woman who marries a non-Jew to believe that her children will be Jewish automatically and therefore fails to impress on her the need to make a special effort to ensure that her children, who have a non-Jewish father, receive an effective Jewish education. Thirdly, it tells a Jewish man who marries a non-Jewess that his children will never be Jewish unless they convert to Judaism when grown up (Orthodox Judaism generally disallows the conversion of minors) and therefore fails to encourage him to raise his children as Jews.

In view of the current high rate of mixed marriages these objections are grave. In the United Kingdom the current rate for mixed marriages contracted by Jews is greater than one-in-three; in some western countries it is even higher. In these circumstances it is a matter of utmost importance that everything possible be done to maximise the chances that the children of such marriages will identify with the Jewish community. The Union of Liberal & Progressive Synagogues has encouraged such a development for many years by making upbringing and identification, rather than paternity or maternity alone, the decisive factor in the determination of the status of children of mixed marriages. Accordingly the child of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother is regarded as Jewish, without the need of conversion, if brought up as a Jew, whereas the child of a Jewish mother and a non- Jewish father, if brought up in another religion or identifying with a religion other than Judaism is regarded as non-Jewish and able to become Jewish only by conversion.
The ULPS organises various programmes to welcome those in mixed relationships or with one Jewish parent who want to explore the Jewish element in their lives. In promoting this welcoming attitude, the Union of Liberal and Progressive Synagogues is in harmony with the largest Reform community in the world. The Central Conference of American Rabbis on 15 March 1983 reaffirmed their long-standing position which is to give patrilineality the same weight as matrilineality in the determination of Jewish status.

For a child of mixed parentage the process of becoming Jewish involves three stages. (a) At birth, the future status of the child is in doubt (safek) since it may or may not be raised as a Jew. (b) However, we would do everything in our power to encourage the parents to raise their child as a Jew, to give a formal undertaking to that effect and have a baby-naming ceremony in the synagogue. A declaration of intent on the part of the parents makes the child Jewish by presumption (chazakah) and entitles the child to be treated as Jewish in the same way as all other Jewish children. We hope that parents will carry out their undertaking by giving their child a good Jewish education, with Barmitzvah or Batmitzvah and Kabbalat Torah (Confirmation), at the age of 16 or thereabouts. (c) At that stage, when the young person can confirm his or her own identification, Jewish status becomes definitive (vaddai); a certificate to that effect will be issued by our Rabbinic Board on request.

All cases are dealt with according to their individual circumstances. For instance, an adult with one Jewish and one non-Jewish parent who has not gone through the process described in the preceding paragraph, but who has nevertheless identified with the Jewish community over a considerable period of time, may wish to formalise their Jewish status. Such a person would be invited to take whatever course of Jewish instruction was deemed necessary, and then to make an affirmation, in synagogue, of their identification with the Jewish faith and people. A certificate would then be issued if desired.

If the non-Jewish parent converts to Judaism during the child's infancy the child is considered Jewish thereafter. For this purpose we mean by "infancy" the period before the child has reached the age of education (chinnuch) which we define as seven. Since the child will have had, in effect, two Jewish parents from such an early age, we regard it as Jewish, regardless of whether the father or the mother was the Jewish parent at the time of its birth. In such a case the Rabbinic Board will, on request, issue a certificate of Jewish status on behalf of the child.

E. SUMMARY
We define a Jew as a person who - in any one of three possible ways - has become heir to the Jewish heritage and the responsibility which that fact entails (a) by having been born of two Jewish parents and therefore brought up as a Jew; (b) by having been born of only one Jewish parent, father or mother, but brought up as a Jew or having affirmed their Jewish status as above; (c) by having been admitted into membership of the Jewish community as a proselyte. The detailed application of that general definition is determined from time to time by the Rabbinic Conference of the Union of Liberal & Progressive Synagogues, and any query should be addressed in the first instance to the rabbi of the nearest synagogue of that organisation.

OP posts:
cori · 09/06/2004 20:14

Wow...thanks for all that info.
I am in Harrow. I think there might be a liberal synagogue in Pinner,am not sure.

chiswickmum · 09/06/2004 22:39

Cori

There is a Liberal in synagogue and from what I've read about it, they are very welcoming of non-Jewish partners. At one point they set up a working party to look at this.

chiswickmum · 09/06/2004 22:40

Sorry meant to say that there is a Liberal synagogue in Pinner - it's actually Northwood and Pinner.

Crunchie · 10/06/2004 10:44

Northwood and Pinner is a great synagogue it has a great rabbi, Rabbi Goldstein and he has a nice wife called Sharon. His daughter is now married to an old boyfriend of mine!! Not that he would remember, but I rememebr Richard very well

They are very big of 'youth' stuff and children, you can check out their website www.npls.org.uk

It's really strange as I used to know their kids quite well and reading about them being Rabbis and Choir leaders makes me feel so old!! I am so crap really

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Tanzie · 19/06/2004 21:23

Wow! Have just found this thread. What a lot! My mother's family are Jewish, but in denial. I was brought up eating matzot at Easter and latkes in December, but never found out why until about 10 years ago. We also used to eat a lot of traditionally Jewish stuff at home, such as fish balls and chicken soup, so am I perhaps culinarily Jewish?! Have had no contact with the religion at all, but when I lived in Israel, I did go to Sunday night lectures in Tel Aviv with an Orthodox rabbi, who was one of the most sensible people I'd ever heard.

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