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Original poster

Calling all Jewish parents.....

64 replies

Crunchie · 25/05/2004 09:48

Looking at a couple of the education threads there's a few posters who want to know how to include some traditions and stuff into the household. In some ways to conteract the broadly christian teaching at our schools.

I know myself and Rolymoly are interested in this, is there anyone else who can share their family traditions and help us create a jewish household??

OP posts:
twiglett · 26/05/2004 23:14

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bunnyrabbit · 27/05/2004 09:47

You're right there twiglett.

Thanks for your comment ladies. The 'discussion' is still ongoing!!

BR

twiglett · 27/05/2004 09:50

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twiglett · 27/05/2004 09:54

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melsy · 27/05/2004 09:54

I didnt realsie there were so many of us online !!!

melsy · 27/05/2004 09:57

My sister has a really fab book about it all , idiots guide to being Jewish I think its called.

Theres also one I had a few years back but gave it to a non jewish friend. Has a bright yellow cover , Its called "funny you dont look jewish" and explains in a very humouros ways all the different ways you can be jewish.

rolymoly · 27/05/2004 11:15

Twiglett, I personally would not send my children to a Catholic school. However, my partner is atheist, not Catholic. If I were you I would send my child to the 'adequate' school where they're more likely to have friends from a variety of religious/ethnic backgrounds (especially if it's closer to where you live). Growing up in Britain means children automatically get so much exposure to Christianity anyway, I would not want to add to that by sending them to an explicitly Christian school.

Especially since, as so many people stressed on a previous thread, if you choose to send your children to a faith school you haven't got a leg to stand on if you later find their religious practice objectionable.

But of course my choice might not be the right one for you! I'm interested in what other people feel about this, as well as the more general issue of the dominance of Christian practice in supposedly non-religious state schools in this country. What do you do about nativity plays, carol singing, easter cards, prayers in assembly etc etc etc? (My dd1 is only 3 so haven't had to deal with it all that much yet, but she is already well versed in a zillion Christmas carols ...)

Kayleigh · 27/05/2004 11:55

twiglett, we have a very good church school 3 minutes walk from our house. But I wouldn't have considered sending my kids there. To do so would have made a choice for them that I don't feel is mine to make. They ARE jewish and as such if they choose not to follow the jewish religion later in life that is their choice, the same as it was mine as I grew up. But I don't feel I should take that choice away from them now, which sending them to a church/catholic school would do.

To be fair to my dh, I wouldn't send them to a Jewish school either.

prettycandles · 27/05/2004 15:04

The only circumstance under which I would send my children to a non-Jewish faith school, would be if there was (a) absolutely no other choice AND (b) if we had a regular Jewish home life to ballance it out. Even so I would rather move house to another area with better non-denominational schools than send my children to a non-Jewish faith school. I went to a fairly religious Jewish primary school, and struggled to match up what I learned with what we were actually doing at home: eg separate dinner services for meat and milk, but the same saucepans (never at the same time of course); not buying pork, but buying ordinary lamb from Sainsbury's - on a Saturday. Just how much more confused would my children be?

prettycandles · 27/05/2004 15:09

And on the circumcision issue, being circumcised doesn't make you a Jew - it's not like, say, baptism - but it is one of the requirements to being a Jew.

Plenty of non-Jewish men are circumcised, though not necessarily quite as young as 8 days, but it has become much less common in the UK than it used to be. Virtually all the 'upper classes' used to be circumsised. My brother was circumsiced by the mohel who 'did' Prince Charles and his brothers. I know several men who had to be circumcised for medical reasons between the ages of 5 and adult, and they all remember it with distress.

bunnyrabbit · 27/05/2004 16:36

twiglett,
Personally I'm with Kayleigh on this one. I would rather not send my DS to a single faith school. I would rather he had as much exposure as possible to all religions.

BR

acnebride · 27/05/2004 16:45

Onlineid, reading your message i wonder if you are a member at Maidenhead? It's the only synagogue I know so maybe not, I just wondered. Don't say, if you'd rather not.

twiglett · 27/05/2004 17:30

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onlineid · 28/05/2004 09:16

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chiswickmum · 28/05/2004 22:52

So glad this thread has appeared. It brings together lots of issues that have been on my mind. My DP is Jewish (but not observant). I am not and wouldn't describe myself as having a religion. Our dd is 3 and hasn't been brought up with any religion so far, other than us discussing certain aspects of being Jewish (ie synagogues, Pesach and Channakah)and of us lighting the Channakah candles.

If you had asked me about this before we had her, I would have said that we would be bringing her up within the Jewish faith (as far as possible given our backgrounds). This hasn't happened, mainly because my dp isn't particularly motivated to find a shul (and I think that this would have motivated us to follow Jewish festivals etc more closely). Also when we did attend a liberal shul nearby, my dp did not enjoy it (he had a mainstream - Federation - upbringing).

In order that my dd can understand her identity as she gets older, I would like to do more, but like others who have posted, am not sure what. I am not certain that we do want to start going to shul, but would like to try it. Can anyone recommend one in the vicinity of West London? My dp accepts that it will have to be Liberal/Reform.

Original poster
Crunchie · 29/05/2004 21:58

Please please don't let this thres die, I am on holiday for a week and I am really interested in all the replies so far. I am so pleased there are loads of us out there who struggle to retain something that is important to us in a modern world.

I am going to start looking into the Colchester shul, my problem is it is nominally reform and I am used to Liberal, so all teh serives will be very different, but I am in an odd way looking forward to rearming my faith albeit through my kids

OP posts:
chiswickmum · 29/05/2004 22:31

About once a year Dr Jonathan Romain hosts seminars called something like 'my partner is Jewish/I am not', which looks at these sorts of issues. Has anyone ever been and did they find it useful? I've seen them advertised but we have never got round to going.

aelita · 30/05/2004 21:05

Perhaps we should all have a meet-up,
Like gumdrop, I have a Jewish atheist husband - we have a 5month DS. I'm an agnostic CofE ex-convent girl!
The issue of circumcision caused a few ructions in the family. My MIL fled Germany with her family at the last minute and, whilst she's atheist too, she is strongly Jewish culturally as well as being the last of her immediate family left alive. So despite her rejection of religion itself, the fact that her grandson wasn't to be circumcised (I was dead against the idea, on several grounds) upset her. She confessed eventually however that she'd only had DH done to please her mother,
DH wants DS to be aware of his heritage and background, though sadly family seder nights etc, which DH enjoyed so much as a child, are no more.

prettycandles · 30/05/2004 21:13

DH and I went to one of Romain's seminars, which led on to a series of small group discussions once a week for about six weeks. We found them immensely helpful, and I wish the group had kept going for longer. I think that one reason our particular discussion group ended was that people had too many problems, IYSWIM, and although airing the problems helped all of us, it wasn't particularly pleasurable in the long run. I had hoped to meet other mixed couples to socialise with, but that didn't happen. I think that some of the other discussion groups lasted longer and became fairly sociable too.

Rabbi Romain is great, and I would highly recommend his seminars.

Kayleigh · 30/05/2004 21:18

aelita, you could always start up the family seer night again. You don't even have to do a service. Just a family dinner on 1st seder night would mean something - and read the kids the story of pesach. It's a start.
We go to friends on seder night. A very low key affair which is basically a quick skip through the service and then dinner. This year was the first year my boys have stayed up for the whole thing. It was lovely and I was so proud of them both sitting their in their Kupols(sp?) eating Matzah

rolymoly · 31/05/2004 13:54

Sounds lovely, Kayleigh. Seders are so great for kids. My dd1 (age 3) was so excited this year. She loved her role having to steal the afikomen. Unfortunately she had already gone to bed by the time it had to be found again at the end of the meal.

lisalisa · 01/06/2004 16:34

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Kayleigh · 01/06/2004 16:50

lisalisa, welcome back !!! How's the baby ? How are you ?

lisalisa · 01/06/2004 16:53

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Kayleigh · 01/06/2004 16:57

I'm really good. Am totally addicted to Mumsnet and have become a meet-up junkie ! Have made some lovely friends. We have a regular city meet-up so maybe you'll come next time. Look out for the thread.

I'll forgive you for standing me up in Golders Hill Park if you come out for a coffee one lunch time