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Original poster

Moral Dilemma - please help.

19 replies

hiddennow · 12/12/2006 10:45

We were one of the receiving families, and my were we greatful, as it has made our Christmas, just to give you some idea of our financial circumstances.

Now, we had some free financial advice from someone a few months ago, who was affiliated with a local church group. This lovely (and he is lovely!) man knocked on my door half an hour ago with a tin of chocolates and some vouchers for a supermarket nearby.

Now, I am not a churchy person. I try to live my life by WWJD, because I think it is a wonderful way to live your life, not because I actually particularly believe. We do celebrate Christmas, as a holiday festival, not as a religious one.

I feel guilty accepting these gifts from a church group, knowing in my heart that I won't go to it.

Should I give them back? The opnly reason I am even slightly deliberating is because we are so skint.

if you guess who I am please don't out me!

OP posts:

Gingerbear · 12/12/2006 10:49

Take them and say thank you with a grateful heart.
I am sure they were given out of generosity of spirit and not as part of a church recruitment drive.

YuletidePaps · 12/12/2006 10:53

keep it

you could always help them in future, say at a working bee - or do a good turn for another - giving is not just monetary

Tortington · 12/12/2006 10:56

i had conversation with a mumsnetter who said how wonderful she felt being able to help a fellow mumsnetter - that she really felt happy about it

all the jesus shit aside- i bet that man practically skipped down the street after helping you

it IS about giving as much as recieving. you get such a nice feeling making someone happy

accept it- maybe send a note saying thanks

Original poster

hiddennow · 12/12/2006 10:57

I know the giving of these gifts wasn't conditional, but still...

So what could I do to help them?

OP posts:

edam · 12/12/2006 10:57

I'm sure he gave unconditionally ie without expecting you to sign on the dotted line. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy the kindness!

edam · 12/12/2006 10:58

And I'm sure he'd be upset if you gave the gift back.

expatinscotland · 12/12/2006 11:04

'all the jesus shit aside'

I know that wasn't mean to be funny, but it is!

amynnixmum · 12/12/2006 11:08

Don't worry about doing something now. In the future hopefully you will be in a position to help someone else who is down on their luck.

Tinker · 12/12/2006 11:11

People enjoy giving.

nearlythree · 12/12/2006 11:14

Is it Christians Against Poverty who gave you advice?

He's not trying to get you to join his church, or even give you a gift because they think you believe. You know the teachings of Jesus, he didn't look after those in his 'club' but reached out to everyone. That is what this church are doing. Of course if anyone they help then goes along they will be delighted, but that is not their motivation. They are simply doing what Christians are supposed to do - giving to each 'according to their need'.

There are no conditions to this gift. But you say you want to help, so maybe you could offer to publicise their financial advice service to friends or through your pre-school or school, gp surgery or hv, or even man their phone for an hour?

And you say you follow Jesus' teachings but don't believe in the supernatural side of it? There are many Christians who believe as you do - it's called Christian Humanism. And many of us have doubts, don't go to church etc.

The church and the man who have given you your gift will be content that they have done what Jesus teaches. Accepting their gift is perhaps the biggest thing of all that you can do for them.

Hope you have a good one!

Tinker · 12/12/2006 11:15

Christians Against Poverty? Is there a Christians For Poverty group as well?

nearlythree · 12/12/2006 11:23

At least someone got off their arse and did something. It was set up by one bloke on his own and he nearly went bust in the process. But hey, Christians who do anything are always good for a dig, aren't they?

Tinker · 12/12/2006 11:26

Que?

Helgand · 12/12/2006 16:10

I strongly don't think you should return the gift - it was given out of love (love your neighbour etc) and it would be heartbreaking for him to see you bring it back. I bet you have helped people in the past when you look back over your life - given stuff to a charity shop, been a shoulder to cry on etc and now it is your turn to be a receiver - something which needs a lot of graciousness and as you have discovered is not as easy as giving. You mentioned that you try to follow the What Would Jesus Do principle - have you heard the story of the woman who poured really expensive perfume on Jesus' feet - He was criticised for allowing her to do this, but to Him it was a really special act and it was obviously important to her to do this for Him. I really admire your integrity in questioning whether you should keep the gift or not; Christians do not give gifts expecting you to attend church in return, just like Jesus did not die on a cross expecting us to love Him in return. We are so unused to 'something for nothing' that it is hard to get our heads around this type of attitude.
I hope you get some peace on this matter, and KEEP the vouchers.

Original poster

hiddennow · 12/12/2006 19:26

Does anyone feel I should return the gifts if I don't go, so they could be distributed amongst the people who do?

I would hate to hurt his feelings though, and agree that this has been done with the purest of motives.

I still feel guilty.

OP posts:

Helgand · 12/12/2006 19:36

Maybe you could tell him about how guilty you feel? I can almost guarantee he will still want you to keep the vouchers even if you tell him you have no intention of ever going to church. He is obviously a nice guy and you like him so why not be open and honest with him. Part of me feels a bit sad because now I think that maybe no-one has ever done something nice for you which you didn't feel you had to repay in some way - I hope I'm wrong. Don't lose sleep tonight over this - let us know what you decide.

DominiConnor · 12/12/2006 21:47

I thought the point of Christian Charity was that it is your duty to "love your neighbour" quite independaly of what your neighbour believes.
Christians give loads of donations to people who believe in things quite different to them, and it is not supposed to be a bribe.

nearlythree · 12/12/2006 22:22

Hiddennow, don't feel guilty. Accept it for what it is; people doing what their beliefs tell them to do. You are helping them by accepting the gifts, it is important to them to reach out to those outside the church. As I said before, Jesus didn't limit his ministry and neither are these Christians.

I hope you can come to feel at peace about this.

Catalepticdru · 29/12/2006 11:37

I agree - please don't feel guilty at all - it is a common Christian practice which comes with no strings attached.
I go to a church in Durham, and recently we had a Tree lighting musical extravaganza where we invited Christians and non-Christians to celebrate the Season of Light. We served teas, coffee, mulled wine, mince pies and biscuits, and didn't charge for it - it was simply the church reaching out to the community and saying we're apart of it too. It was very well attended and one of our curates gave a lovely talk about teh meaning of Christmas which was well received.
Most Christians operate on the principal that people know where we are and someone wants to comealong to a service they are very welcome, but we want people to come of their own free will not because they feel obliged to.
Enjoy the gifts in the spirit that it was given and think nothing more of it.

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