Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Don't ever confuse your life and your work

14 replies

AussieSim · 15/05/2004 18:53

A friend sent this to me last week and it struck a cord and I thought it might fit in here.

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easer to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the colour of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".

OP posts:
essbee · 15/05/2004 19:07

Message withdrawn

glitterfairy · 15/05/2004 20:15

WOw that was fantastic! Thank you.

unicorn · 15/05/2004 20:24

aussie s- that's quite fabulous.. tears welling here!
Don't know much about her....Why has she so much insight- has she had an illness or similar event? but she sounds like she'd be a fab MNetter(hello if you are out there!! that was just first class)

Earlybird · 15/05/2004 20:59

Essays like that one make me stop and reflect. Is my life perfect? No, but no one's is. Do I wish some things were different? Of course, but doesn't everyone? Do I have alot to be thankful for? Yes, and it's good to be reminded of it.

By the way, Anna Quindlan lived many years in New Jersy, just across the river from Manhattan. For many years, she wrote a weekly column for the New York Times of personal reflections/observations. Some of those columns have been compiled into a book - maybe there's more than one book, I'm not sure. But, I have one book of her columns, and it's very similar to what was posted here. Many of the columns were written about the daily struggles of being a wife/mum/woman/person that we all experience everyday. I have found most all the essays to be thought provoking, and some are enlightening and uplifting too. She'd be a fantastic mumsnetter!

By the way, she no longer writes the weekly column for the newspaper. Last I knew, she had published a few novels, but I haven't read any of them. She's definitely one of those writers I watch for, because chances are she'll say something worth reading. Thanks for posting that essay.

AussieSim · 15/05/2004 21:01

Info on Anna and her writings here .

OP posts:
twiglett · 15/05/2004 21:27

message withdrawn

baldrick · 15/05/2004 22:09

that's awesome and rings so true (btw someting stuck in keyboard hance the new paragraphs all the time!!I do think people place a lot of emphasise on their jobs and achievements, I would rather have a whole gathering at my send off and them saying I really liked her (sorry to be morbid...not really).....or have a crowdful at my 50th (a while away I have to say)....good job really as underpaid gardener

Caribbeanqueen · 16/05/2004 20:30

That's wonderful, and struck a chord with me too. It's the kind of inspiring text I wish I could keep in my mind all the time. I am going to try and find some of her books.

Thanks AussieSim.

juniper68 · 16/05/2004 20:50

Thank you for that AussieSim x
I agree with everything she says, just wish I could've put it into words like her.

ghengis · 17/05/2004 11:09

Fabulous and so true! Just emailed it to DH who is taking voluntary redundancy at the end of the year to help improve our family's quality of life. MN is so wonderful!

Blu · 17/05/2004 11:50

Yes, but 'life' and 'work' are not incompatible, are they? What is the quaker saying about work as if every thing you create has to last a lifetime, and live as if every day might be your last? Also isn't it part of Tibetan Buddhist philosophy that you put your whole creative and soulful self into your work? I enjoy my job because i am able to bring my sense of 'self' and relating to other people into my work, so my job is complemenatry, not competetive, with time spernt in other areas of my life.

glitterfairy · 20/05/2004 07:07

AussieSim read this to a group of nurses the other day who needed inspiration so thank you as they were really moved! THe bit about terminal illness really touched a chord.

melsy · 20/05/2004 09:13

I think its wonderful , I was too caught up the illusions of my material world through my work status and posiition, but things like that dont seems to impress me anymore. Just so profound and moving. I feel like sending it to everyone I used to work with.

ZolaPola · 21/06/2004 23:02

I came across this recently on a holistic holiday, it's called 'The Invitation'(ref unknown and abridged here)

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive...I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of future pain...I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul...I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day and if you can source your own life from its presence...I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you can truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread