Converting to Islam

[DancingGoose]

Hi everyone

Please can anyone give me some info on what it means for me to convert to Islam and perhaps give me some advice on how to find out if it's a religion I might like to pursue.

Background is I've grown up in the UK - come from a not particularly religious family. I'd describe myself as a spiritual person and I believe in God, although I don't especially practice any formal religion.

I've met a Muslim Arab man who is working over here. We've discussed having a future and it would mean me converting. I'm happy to find out about Islam to see if I can connect with it but I am unnerved with all the lifestyle changes.

I know some will be suspicious of his intentions ie passport etc which is fair enough. I know there is this risk and we have discussed it. As much as I can I feel reassured that he doesn't have ulterior motivations of this kind. He currently has an Israeli passport. He is very open, happy to answer any questions I have and happy to hear my concerns. He hasn't put any pressure on me to convert or anything, but has made it clear that this is how he would like to live his life and it is important to him.

I'd like to chat with other Muslim women to see what life is like because at the moment I am trying to work it out on my own and it's impossible to really get a sense of it without talking to other people.

Thanks in advance

BumWad I have not continued with this thread as it seems (excellent!) support to the OP. But you write: "Xenu1 is chatting bollocks. Surah An Nisa is a lot about women's rights!"

I wrote:

• Muslim Prophet Muhammed (MPM) was a 7th century Arab and his gender strictures are - er - more appropriate to his time. For example, Koran 4.23 ("Al nisa") states clearly that men are superior to women and men can beat their wives"

In fact I got the verse wrong: the famous verse is of course 34, not 23!
"The Quran, chapter 4 (An-Nisa), verse 34: “ Men have authority over women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. — translated by Abdullah Yusuf Ali "

If you are a Muslim this is the Word of God, dictated to uhammed by the angel Gabriel (). Women are inferior to men and can be beaten by their husbands, This particular verse is the major source of Islamic oppression of women
() Or, as an others see it, this is what Muhammed invented! Just as he invented the self-serving get-outs in Ch 33 that allowed him any women he wanted, no matter what the followers thought :) (verse 48 "O thou prophet, verily, we make lawful for thee thy wives to whom thou hast given their hire, and what thy right hand possesses of the booty that God has granted thee and the daughters of thy paternal uncle and the daughters of thy paternal aunts, and the daughters of thy maternal uncle and the daughters of thy maternal aunts, provided they have fled with thee, and any believing woman if she give herself to the prophet, if the prophet desire to marry her;-a special privilege this for thee, above the other believers")

dancing The big warning sign is that he is hiding you from his family. My parents were thrilled I had met someone who cherished me. My fathers advice about dating was to only date a man who was someone I could bring home to meet the family. My parents would have been so upset if I was in a committed relationship that they were not aware of.

It's a major red flag that he is hiding his relationship with you from his family. I indicates issues in his family that I don't think I would want to have to deal with.

I'm a very long standing revert who has helped out with organisations helping reverts in the past, so have seen a lot in my time. I reverted long before marrying or even meeting my ex husband,and most reverts I know reverted long before marrying. So I can't claim to have in depth personal experience of your situation but I can offer advice based on what I have seen over the years. This man sounds very dodgy and I would personally break it off completely. I am presuming he is an Israeli Arab, if so he will still have low status in Israeli society and also be barred from travelling to most Arab countries, so UK residency/a visa may well be his goal. There is a cultural (not religious) problem with honour based violence and domestic violence amongst Arabs from that region, it is cultural and found amongst other faiths in equal measure but it is fairly widespread. The problem is that Islam in the region has been contaminated by cultural traits and behaviours and the less religious someone is, the less likely they will be to listen to any Islamic reasoning. As others have stated, his behaviour so far has already raised so many red flags for anyone with a knowledge of Islam. Any Muslim man with an ounce of faith in his heart would not be involved in a relationship, and if they did get involved in one they would bend over backwards to make that relationship halal, or break it off. Islam doesn't permit pre marital relationships for either gender and the punishments are the same for both genders despite popular myths.

Even though I converted long before marrying my ex, after we divorced I was approached by a number of Muslim men, mainly Arabs and Kurds; for the purpose of marriage. I did a bit of digging, asking for references et al and it turned out most of them were really looking for a visa. Those that weren't, were looking for a white trophy wife or were totally not practicing and pretending to be. But even so they were all honest with their family that they were considering marrying me.

My personal advice would be, take a break from this man, at the very least a temporary one. If you're genuinely interested in Islam then look into it, but with him out of mind. Then maybe he will shape up and change his behaviour and start being open with his family, but if not I think its time to cut and run. Xx

The worst we know of him is that he hasn't shared the relationship to his family (who live abroad) and that he personally envisions becoming more practising in the future and hopes to have a Muslim family. Not that he's putting direct pressure on OP to convert or anyone else is.. perhaps many or even most already devout Muslims are strict about developing relationships before marriage but his not being so strict doesn't automatically make him a visa-hunter.

Given you otherwise feel like you are in a close loving relationship there is hopefully space for an honest conversation about your future together and how it fits with his family and his faith and your own of course.

Just don't even go there!

I was married to. British-Palestinian (which your BF would be if he's Arab with an Israeli passport) bloke for seven years. Not a great marriage but for rather different reasons - but he truly did love me and was basically dragging me halfway around the world to introduce me to every last one of his 500 aunts and uncles!

Family is incredibly important in Palestinian marriages and a bloke not shoving his into your face is a red flag. When he does it's a pain in the arse - but a PITA that means he's serious about you.

Re. religion: ExH and I had discussed this early in out relationship. I told him I was an atheist and not happy to convert. He accepted that (but was scared I'd go to hell, which in hindsight must have been tough on him). I ended up accidentally de-converting him; he now identifies as an agnostic. That wasn't something I ever aimed for, though, nor would I think it's acceptable to deliberately convert or de-convert your SO. If you want to be with someone, take them as they are, irrational beliefs and all.

Please know that if you marry and have children, under sharia law they will be the property of their father and he will be able to take them to a Muslim country and not allow you to see them or have custody.

Do not think that this doesn't happen.

I would strongly advise you not to go down this path.

Not always hidden. For eg in Morocco children are by default allowed to live with mothers until around age 8 when they get to choose. It's a recent development but I just wanted to offer it as an exception.

Please know that if you marry and have children, under sharia law they will be the property of their father and he will be able to take them to a Muslim country and not allow you to see them or have custody.

I think you need a better understanding of custody issues under international law.

Not all Muslim countries are signed up to The Hague Convention.

Here

Why do you need to change? Don't be so submissive. Be yourself.

Thanks Hidden - I do know, what with the life we lead as a family. I have my very own little united nations.

And you're original statement is still wrong even though you've posted a link to try and justify it.

I think you're in denial.