Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Sex before marriage

27 replies

Nativity3 · 29/07/2015 08:34

I know Christianity is very big on 'no sex before marriage'.

Is it possible to be a true Christian and actually have no problem with sex before marriage?

OP posts:

DoctorTwo · 29/07/2015 10:33

I'd say yes. I've had sex with quite a few women who said they were Christians and they definitely weren't married. :o

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 29/07/2015 14:12

I really don't like the concept of a 'true Christian' as the temptation to define who is in and who is out is one of humanities less endearing qualities. I've been told that I'm not a true Christian because I'm a woman in leadership or because I practice contemplative prayer. So start thinking about 'true' Christian and the fruits of the spirit which are a mark of the Christian life tend to go out of the window.

mrsmeerkat · 29/07/2015 14:18

I was actually wondering this the other day. I have been in a relationship with two men who very very strict!

I have two close friends who actually waited until their wedding day.

I wonder how many wait?

niminypiminy · 29/07/2015 14:26

The short answer is yes.

I know lots of people who are Christians with a deep faith who have had or are now having sex outside marriage.

Seriouslyffs · 29/07/2015 14:42

It's possible to recognise that marriage is a sacrament and honour it but also think that sex before marriage is ok (there are advantages too). I'm a Christian but I'd have massive concerns if my dcs wanted to get married before sleeping with their future husband/ wife. Not sure how I'll phrase it though!

EdithSimcox · 29/07/2015 17:31

I have a niece who is a no-sex-before-marriage type Christian. It makes finding a good husband very hard because the pool she is looking in is full of men who, like her, want to wait. But then they want to marry after the second or third date, which is obviously hopelessly intense pressure. (I exaggerate but not much).

I'm no theologian but I would say being a 'true' Christian, if there is such a thing, is about a relationship with God, with the world and the people in it, and with your conscience that honours your faith. It is not, IMO, about keeping 'rules' whether imposed by a Church or someone's interpretation of the Bible, or any other external source.

gabsdot45 · 29/07/2015 20:51

Jesus said, "if you love me keep my commandments" and sex outside of marriage is contrary to God's commandments so IMO a Christian would not have sex outside of marriage.

AlanPacino · 29/07/2015 21:12

Gab can you link me to the commandment about sex outside of marriage?

Lurkedforever1 · 30/07/2015 00:31

Jesus didn't seem to condemn anyone for it, so clearly he wasn't too bothered. And broadly speaking Christianity is based on him. If as far as your concerned it's a part of your faith fair enough, but it's not actually an intrinsical or necessary part of christian belief.

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 09:31

alan it's thou shall not commit adultery.
It's all He says though- those 10 rules, follow them. And he said much much more about many other thing eg. Poverty, Love.
As I say, I'm a Christian and it's a small part of what it entails IMO.

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 09:33

^^ it's a small and not defining part of being a Christian.

PenelopePitstops · 30/07/2015 09:37

I'm a Christian and don't consider it a be all and end all, I live with my fiancé and have sex with him.

I'm not sure there is a definition of a true Christian, different people have different views which are all broadly in line with the Christian faith. I disagree with the older people's view of gay marriage but it doesn't make them and more of a Christian than me. In the same vein, not all Muslims have the same views.

CultureSucksDownWords · 30/07/2015 09:48

I thought adultery was when one of the parties is married? Two single people aren't committing adultery surely?

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 10:00

Theologians and law makers have argued about this for millennia! Adultery is sex that can't produce a child in wedlock.
So strictly speaking masturbating, with contraception, and various fooling around alternatives, with the same sex, with animals and also post menopause or when one is infertile is adultery.
Legally Culture you're correct.

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 10:02

Actually Nativity, going back to your OP, I'd say no!

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 11:18

Sorry No- to the first part of your OP, that Christianity is v against premarital sex and yes that you can be a Christian without being against it.

Lurkedforever1 · 30/07/2015 11:29

I just think the bible, ( and any other religious text) offers such massive scope for interpretation that there's no way there can be only one line of correct thought about the majority of actions and behaviors. You can take wildly different opinions on many things and find points of biblical reference to back up two conflicting views depending on your interpretation.

Seriouslyffs · 30/07/2015 12:02

I agree. Jesus actually said the very minimum on adultery that he could- 'obey the commandments' and refused to reinforce the commandment- 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone'

capsium · 30/07/2015 19:26

Although, strictly speaking, the church was rather late in presiding over marriages. For centuries marriages were a civil matter, were they not?

I look at this issue in terms of what should form part of a loving relationship - which involves being devoted and committed to the other person. This love, devotion and commitment can happen before an official marriage ceremony - although marriage formalises everything.

cdtaylornats · 06/08/2015 12:27

Jesus didn't seem to object to Mary Magdalene and her profession would seem to encourage adultery.

By seriously s definition wasn't Jesus a product of sex out of wedlock?

gabsdot45 · 07/08/2015 16:28

Jesus didn't seem to object to Mary Magdalene and her profession would seem to encourage adultery.

What are you taking about? Jesus saw in Mary a sinner who was repentant. Jesus always loved the sinner but hated the sin. He was not 'OK' with prostitution.

vdbfamily · 07/08/2015 20:59

The bible teaches that it is better to remain single and celibate but if unable to control your passions it is better to marry. There are so many verses supporting this in both the old and new testament. Sexual intercourse is seen as a spiritual thing as well as physical and is described as the two of you becoming one flesh. This is why divorce is so difficult for Christians and where the line in the marriage ceremony comes from ' "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."…'
I have Christian friends who lived with their husbands before marriage but did eventually marry them so in effect they have not broken the 'one flesh' bond. I also have friends who thought they were going to marry their boyfriends and lived/slept with them and then the marriage was called off. They were then devastated as they thought they were going to be together forever. I would never judge any Christian for getting this wrong or ever say they were not a true Christian but my personal opinion is that the Bible is very clear that sex is reserved for within a married relationship. I can see why people don't like to hear this but do not think pre marital sex can be supported scripturally.

Hero1callylost · 16/08/2015 21:41

This thread is getting a bit old but had to add my tuppence, I really struggled with this before I got married, when I counted myself a Christian. When I moved in with my then fiance, a number of our friends were told not to speak to us any more by our church's pastor, and my fiance had a visit from his mum's pastor telling him he would be living in sin if he went ahead and moved in with me. This was all in the shadow of a pretty desperate situation where we had no other option for living arrangements (none of them stopped to check that first funnily enough and we weren't actually sleeping together at the time anyway!)

I think it all depends what you define as marriage, and I think marriage itself has a dodgy past. It wasn't until the Council of Trent in the 1500s that a marriage was defined as beginning with a priest and two witnesses. Before then it was pretty much move in together and common law marriage applied.

Of course you have to pay a priest for the privilege so you're essentially buying your way to guilt free sex.

I think marriage is more fluid than that, and definitely can't be defined with a specific beginning point at a marriage ceremony. What if you don't have the money to get married? (even the basic certificate costs money, not to mention any celebration costs). Also there is so much work to be done before a ceremony in becoming two souls intertwined.

So I don't think a marriage service/certificate defines when you're married. I think it's between you, your partner and God to decide, and obviously if you're a Christian your decision would be taken in light of the rest of the commandments/Jesus' teaching etc - i.e. don't take the mick!

springydaffs · 13/09/2015 22:53

Some christians believe that sex is the sealing of a covenant and that spiritual inheritance is joined at that point. We do not fight against flesh and blood etc (Eph 6)

Ie that you don't just pick up STIs.

It therefore follows that if the union is blessed by God in marriage that the marriage is covered 'by the blood' - his redemption, bought and paid for (Col 2)

The prude thing is what the church has slapped on top - out of step with what God actually meant; that abstaining is about protection, health [physical, emotional, spiritual] not judgement.

BigDorrit · 14/09/2015 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2