Christians - how do you handle the commercialism of Christmas?

[texasrose]

Okay, this is a very obvoius conversation to be starting but how do you handle the commercialism?

It makes me feel weary and empty to go shopping or look through a magazine and see no reference at all to the meaning of CHristmas.

I worry that my dcs will think that it's all about presents and 'I wants' How do you avoid that?

Not that I'm a killjoy or anti-shopping (I love it, that's part of the problem! )

I love buying pressies for people and I love family get-togethers and I do believe that buying meaningful gifts is a wonderful way to show that you care about people.

So how do you make sure that you don't get sucked into all the greed and self and how do you celebrate Christmas in a way that loves and honours Jesus?

Any thoughts?

well you could try going to church....my girls love the Christingle service , the carol service, there is a nativity play and loads of things.
Plus we read the Christmas story and our 5 yr old already knows all of the characters - the wise men, shepherds etc.

Do you go to church otherwise? if you don't, then Christmas is a good place to start!

Yes, I do go to church and I'm already really looking forward to the christinlgle service - we all go as a family with the dcs and it's just as the sun is setting on christmas eve. It's all very beautiful. I used to love midnight mass before we had the dcs.

I guess I feel that from a child's perspective it is realy all about presents and themselves ('chrismas is for the children') and I want to try to show my dcs that it's not all about them, it's about Christ! Or is that too much to ask of small children, do you think?

I'd love to hear any ideas of things that any of you have done at home as families to teach children the christmas story because I am sure that it's in the home that they learn the most.

I try and do little things that re-enforce what we believe. Eg - we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus when we cut the Christmas cake. Read lots of different versions of the Christmas story, and emphasise that it is not just a story. Out advent calendar is one where each day you take a figure out of a pocket and velcro it on to make a Christmas scene - Christmas eve Jesus arrives in the manger. This year I will be making an Advent wreath, and lighting the candles each Sunday, talking about what they mean. Also will get some ADVENT CANDLES, HAVE SEEN SOME LOVELY ONES oops! with one one a list of who Jesus is, and on the matching one what he did for us, could be good to spark off discussion. Another idea, have frankinsense and myrhh sented pot pourri in a gold bowl - so it smells of Christmas but is symbolic.

Re the commercialism, I do try not to spend too much on the DC - some bits in a stocking gatherd over the year, often things they need anyway eg new flannel but a favourite character to be a bit special. DD starts school in Jan so is getting the red tights hairclips, scrunchies and bobbles to match her uniform in the stocking. Will buy one main present each, then a few books. I encourage them to make presents for each family member too, so they can give, and it doesn't have to cost a lot, but be made with love - Christmas tree ornaments with salt dough, decorated hankies and aprons - plain and cheap from Asda and then Christmas stencilled on, homemade biscuits.

Any of these ideas help? Think if we build traditions that it is the family time that is special, because we are celebrating Jesus birthday, not the mounds of plastic tat then we are going the right way. We always had nbew board games as children, and I have vivid memories of spending time with my Dad playing our new games - this is what we will be doing on Christmas day this year too.

Also sort out old toys before Christmas to go to charity shop, or in a shoebox for charity. Give some money to Shelter or similar, encourage children to donate too. OUr church has done Carol singing in the past, but going doorknocking and giving away bags of satsumas and a little candle with Jesus is the Light of the world on, rather than collecting money - can be a fun thing to do and can round up with mulled wine and nibbles at someone's house, and is giving again. One of my friends always has a small cross as part of her Christmas decs, to remind her that the reason for Christmas is Easter

Ds is only 3.5 so until now we've not had to deal with too much commercialisation. He's now at nursery and a bit older (obviously!) so I suspect this year there'll be a lot more Santa and the expectation of presents to deal with.

So far we've bought loads of lovely nativity books, a wooden nativity set, nativity advent calendar etc etc. We refer to Christmas as "Jesus' birthday" (big into b'days in this house). I talk a lot about the Jesus story - like he says "look at that Santa mummy!" and I say "Yes look and there's a star like the wisemen followed/ angel like the shepherds saw" etc.

Church also plays a big part in our lives - nativity service, christingle, church on Christmas day etc

In the future we'll definitely tackle the giving to those who're less fortunate at Christmas...

Thanks Panda and Tassis!

I must admit, part of my wanting to avoid the commercialisation of christmas is a sense of dismay that my dcs are already so materialistic at a very young age.

My ds is 2 and he already says 'I want I want I want...' They are not spoilt (we have to say no most of the time!) but they do have lots of toys and everything they need. We are buying them one big(ish) present each and a stocking with things like felt tips, colouring books, a book to read, stickers etc in.

Panda your ideas are lovely. Did you buy the advent calendar or make it? I love the book 'The Christmas Mystery' by Jostein Gaarder and when the dcs are older I will read it to them during Advent.

Sometimes I feel that I'm not very good at sharing my faith with the dcs, and esp. at times like christmas I really want to be able to communicate to them why this is so important to me. Dd is 4 but v. questioning and deep thinking - so I want to show them (her in particular) what the true meaning of christmas is.

Glad to be of help - had been at a meetimg yesterday to discuss a Christmas event we are putting on about celebrating Christmas in a meaningful way and building traditions so this is in the front of my mind anyway! Advent calendar was made by a friend of my gran's, but you can buy similar from Letterbox I think, they are about £25 I think, but can be used year after year - we do put choc in the pockets too, and a friend of mine with oplder children puts in a Bible verse for each day too.

My dc now watch the commercila tv channels with lots of adverts for toys on, but at 4 and nearly 7 thet have been told if tghey start asking for things they have seen on the tv then there will be no more tv with adverts, back to cbeebies only! They are usually reasonably good about not asking for too much, but they will get plenty of stuff from the rellies - I do try and coordinate what they are getting a bit though, and insist every year that Mum cuts down what she buys, she demonstrates her love by gift giving - it is her primary love language if you have read that book?

Yes! It's the 5 love languages, isn't it? It's good.

I'm sure that my dcs' love language is time rather than gifts - in our house buying gifts can actually mess the comminication of love up because then from the dcs' POV it becomes all about them rather than sharing time or an experience with ones they love (tantrums get worse when they get gifts because they want more / want something different) - which is why I'm a bit concerned about christmas becoming a big me-fest.

Would your DD understand the concept of vouchers for special time with mum or Dad then? You know, a voucher for a cinema trip with Dad, 2 hours to do whatever you want with Mum with DS not around? would be a gift, but not material? We do try and build in some 131 time with each if the DC, doesn't work all that often though! Our old vicar would take each child on a date one a week/fortnight - play in gthe park, special story session, or trip to Starbucks when older. Want to try to sdo that sort of thing too.

I've found love languages helpful when dealing with issues between me and DH.

If you've got any ideas for my thread in culture vultures re Christmas poems I would be glad!

That's a fab idea. A swimming voucher or bike-ride voucher in the stocking would get dd more excited than any toy (except maybe the new bike she wants!)

I've come to accept that my dh's primary love language is food ! Last Friday he had a very heavy day at work and I bought him a bag of mussels and some fresh squid (not my taste personally but he adores seafood) and the transformation in him was astonishing. He said that knowing that I'd gone out and bought all that seafood just for him made him feel totally loved and totally blessed. With me it's talking over problems and dealing with stuff together that make me feel loved, like when dh spent hours cleaning with me at the weekend because he knew it as stressng me out. I'm a lucky lady!

I love the idea of singing Happy Birthday to Jesus on Christmas day - will definitely be doing that from now on!

I picked up a great book the other week called Advent Family Challenge, which gives you a reading for each day, little Advent related snippets/traditions, and a few suggestions for family activities. Got it for a fiver in SPCK, and am looking forward to putting it to use.

Thanks for that suggestion.

Last year we had a sponge christmas cake that was just like a child's birthday cake and we got the dcs to blow out the candles and we all sang happy birthday to Jesus! It was very sweet.

Marks and spencers have a very lovely nativity book that has a star that you press and it plays "Away in a Manger". Plan to buy that for ds this year.

I think M&S do lots of lovely books. We've got a Noah's Ark one which is gorgeous.

It's been fine so far (ds1 is 6 and ds2 3.5). Don't know if it's because we only allow CBeebies so no commercial TV. We have lots of nativity type stories from different pov's if that makes sense (does get a bit repetivtive doing the same story every night ) so thing's like The Foxes Tale by Nick Butterworth & Mick Inkpen - all variations on a theme. Don't do Santa so fewer expectations of massive presents since it's mummy & daddy who do the buying. Also have a couple of great books linking St Nicholas & Santa and gift giving and Nicholas being a Christian and all that - everything tying back to the gift of God at Christmas. Really pleased that both state school and private nursery both do heavy emphasis on Christmas story too. Big church involvement too.

Texasrose, there is an article on this in this week's Church Times. We have a good book called 'Advent, Christmas and Epiphany in the Domestic Church', you can get it from Amazon as it's a US title. I've also just ordered 'Doing December Differently' from Wild Goose Publishing (the Iona Community's publishing arm).

There is also a lovely book featuring Bartimouse published by Lion. Two mice live in the church hall where a pre-school is held. They fill their hole with straw to keep warm, and listen to the story of the Nativity being told to the children. They notice that the Baby in the Crib doesn't have anything to kep him warm, so they take him all their warm straw. The next day, the children wonder where it has come from, and Bartimouse and Emma get a mysterious card with 'thank you' on it in their hole. Makes me cry every time I read it to the dds!

Well my dd's nursery class (at the local primary) are doing a christms play.

She told me very proudly the other day that she's an angel. I said. 'Wow, that's great. Who's mary?' She said 'No-one'. It turns out that this isn't a nativity play but a kind of winter-wonderland type thing. I feel a bit about that.

THanks nearly3! We crossed posts!

THe Bartimouse story sounds lovely. I read a lot to the dcs so I need books they will really love about christmas and will want to read over and over again - that sounds perfect. I'll have a google for it!

I'm sure it was Lion, try their site.

(Can't go to look at the title as it is in dd1's room and she has only just gone to sleep after going to a chocolate-laden birthday party!)

we prepare for Christmas as a family throughout advent.
We make an advent wreath, and on the four sundays of advent we light one, two, three, four candles (and no 5 on Christmas day). We pray as a family, read a part of the christmas story, read a bit about the meaning of the candles (faith, hope peace love and Joy) and the children love it. It brings home the aspect of preparation for the christmas season and makes them think about the meaning of it all.
For dh and I we use the advent readings in the Northumbria Community book 'Celtic daily prayer'. Celtic advent is 6 weeks rather then 4, so we are already starting that.

A good book for little kids in the lead up to Christmas is 'Waiting For Noel' - all about a baby born at CHristmas - we really like it.

We go to a Christmas day service. The children are encouraged to bring a toy they got for Christmas with them, and one of our lay preachers talks to them about that they got for Christmas. Then he gets them to thank God for their Christmas presents. As if mummy and daddy had nowt to do with it ;)