Shiva memorial - advice please

[cakedup]

I have been invited to 'sit Shiva' at a synagogue by my friend who lost her baby. The baby was buried in their home town last Wednesday. I'm confused as I thought the Shiva referred to the week long mourning period where visitors go to the mourner's house.

My friend is from Ghana, not Israeli like other Jewish people I've met so not sure if this makes a difference.

Basically I'd like to know, what should I wear? Should I bring anything? How long does it take? What do I do when I get there? And is there anything I shouldn't do? I would be grateful for any information as I do not want to trouble my friend with these queries at this time.

One other thing, and this seems like a silly question but I would really like to check. I have not seen my friend's husband since the death. Previously I would see him on the school run and say hello. When I next see him, is it ok to give him a hug? In terms of how they seem culturally (very relaxed), I would think it ok, but not sure if there are any Jewish considerations that I should be aware of?

cakedup - as you correctly say, it sounds as if there are cultural considerations as well. It is usual to sit shiva at home, but I have know it done in shul as well. I wouldn't generally hug men at a shiva or anywhere else unless I was pretty sure it would be acceptable. I'd be interested to know how it goes.

SamG76 it was reform church where things are a little more relaxed, for example, all the men and women were sitting together. It was a beautiful service, led by a woman rabbi, and after prayers/thoughts she invited everyone to approach the couple who lost their baby, to offer them words or comfort. So I did indeed hug them both as others had also done. The rabbi made a point of saying how there are many ways we can help the couple, either by making them food, giving them a hug, letting them cry on your shoulder etc and that there was no right or wrong way to grieve or show support. My friend and her husband found the evening to be of great comfort.

cakedup - I'm really pleased that they found the evening helpful. that is what religion is all about....

Cakedup

You turned up. That was enough. There is not enough cake or hugs in the world to help their loss. You turned up for them.

When they need a hug or a shoulder in the future. You will be there. Just a call away. Make sure you also make a call and don't think for one second your are intruding and they 'don't want to be bothered.'

Maybe people are scared of 'upsetting' them by calling? Nonsense.

First anniversary of the death is the time to turn up, write a letter, cook lunch or just phone.