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Philosophy/religion

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Those of you who were raised in a Christian family....

6 replies

TooManyMochas · 16/01/2015 10:18

...how do you feel about the way your parents brought you up? What do you think they got wrong or right in terms of passing on and living out their faith? I'm Christian now but my parents were pretty strong atheists, so I'm very curious what its like to be brought up Christian (I'm defining 'Christians' as people who are personally committed to their faith and involved in a church).

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/01/2015 00:24

I had a lovely childhood. Whereas my parents were involved in their church, it was never 'pushed' at us at home. I felt they encouraged us to go to Church but each of us had spells of not wanting to get out of bed on a Sunday morning.
3 out of the 4 of us are/were involved in Churches as adults - don't know what that says. The 4th wanted to marry in Church and has had his dc Christened, although doesn't attend Church.

sunnyspot · 17/01/2015 20:18

I have very happy memories of my childhood. Both parents Christian but, like BackforGood, we as children did not have Christianity forced on us. I saw how happy their faith made them and so chose(eventually!) to follow the same route.
I feel I owe so much to them as they gave me such sound morals. I don t always get it right but do try! Because of their example, I am also very involved in church activities which gives me a lot of pleasure and fulfillment in my life.
Out of interest, OP, what led you to become a Christian? Don t worry if you'd rather not say,

DidoTheDodo · 18/01/2015 20:17

My dad was Christian, my mum atheist ( or 'heathen' as she described herself. ) I went to church or not as I decided, and came to Christianity as a personal decision at about age 17. My sister is atheist.
So Christianity was never pushed at us at all, but offered as an option. However, now my dad is dead, I really miss his support and feel a bit odd as the only Christian left in the family.
I do consider my upbringing to be incredibly open minded and the choice was always mine.

bigbluestars · 19/01/2015 07:37

Not me but my sister is a devout christian and raised her kids in a strong faith. One of her daughters still has a strong faith but her other daughter is now atheist and views her religious upbringing as abusive.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 19/01/2015 08:04

My parents were and are heavily involved in their church - very mainstream old fashioned C of E (both have been church wardens, father now a lay preacher, endlessly involved in the social and fund raising side). It was very much forced on us. Until the age of 12 or so I mostly bought into it, but once I became capable of really genuinely thinking for myself and began to reject their religion they just "laid down the law", told me I'd grow out of my rebellious phase, wouldn't debate/ discuss my reasons for not accepting their views except to say things like "don't show your ignorance" or "you'll understand when you're older" (Dad) or to cry and emotionally blackmail (Mum).

I was forced to go to church every Sunday until my actions embarrassed them (I refused to go up for communion - just sat and didn't move at that point in the service, and of course during the service they couldn't force me and we're aware of people noticing - small church). It caused 2 years of huge rows and a lot of crying from my mother, but they wouldn't get into a discussion, they just insisted they were right, I would realise eventually, and til then I had to walk the walk.

Eventually at 14 they agreed I could miss ordinary Sunday church (because my younger siblings had started copying me not going for communion/ blessing and they wanted to stop the "rot") but they still insisted I attend on a range of "special" days (including both midnight and 9.30am at Christmas, and Chris tingle, and bloody carol singing).

They also insisted all their children be heavily involved in aspects of the church outside services - mostly broadly fundraising related (always directly for the fabric of the church, not for charity in a wider sense). We had to run stalls at fêtes, serve drinks at concerts or cheese and wine things, attend the weird meal based harvest events, go carol singing etc. We even had to clean the church as part of a rota at one stage when the church had no cleaner. All that continued even once I was let off ordinary Sunday services and I bloody hated it.

The thing I hated most was my parents refusal to discuss their beliefs in an analytical way, when combined with their insistence their children be part of the church.

It put me off spending Christmas with my parents and we always go to DH'S parents now. I am an atheist.

My sisters felt less strongly but none are Christian in the way my parents are. 2 are very conventional, don't rock the boat types and attend at Christmas and similar times and don't think it's anything worth getting worked up about. They live not far from my parents and are constantly roped into helping with the fund raising stuff (which my mother likes to take credit for then delegate) which they roll their eyes about but don't seem to mind too much - they see it as indulging the aged parents :o I must say I am less inclined to be indulgent and am happy to live too far away to be called on for church periferal activities; but as the oldest I fought all the battles for my sister's, and they reaped the benefits of a slightly less rigorous insistence on participation without having to go through years of fighting and emotional blackmail and being a disappointment to earn it...

madhairday · 21/01/2015 19:38

Does sound like they pushed it too much, MrTumble

My dad is a vicar but was a staunch atheist, then had a dramatic conversion to Christianity when I was two years old, so I don't remember my upbringing before my parents were Christians (Mum also converted at similar time.)

I think they did a fab job and am so grateful. The thing I remember most was that they made decisions with us rather than for us. They saw our family as a team, a unit, and whenever dad had to move we would come to the decision together. They didn't push church, if we didn't want to go we didn't go. My brother had a period in his teens where he didn't go. My brothers and I are now all in church leadership positions, strangely enough....

Mum and Dad always encouraged us to ask questions and never ducked the difficult ones. They encouraged me to study theology at a secular university to get a balance of views and think about my faith. They always said it was up to us, not up to them.

They also led a vibrant healthy church where we saw lives transformed in huge huge ways, so we saw the reality of God working from day to day, it was never just a theory for us, we couldn't deny what was going on. Even so they made the time to talk with us about it and how we felt about it all.

They encouraged us to go to camps etc which did strengthen faith, not in brainwashing style but in terms of being with thousands of other young people worshipping together - I'd say this made a massive difference to me and my faith.

I kind of base my own parenting on theirs - with some exceptions!!!

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