I just did something terrible...

[lupo5]

It's not an excuse...It's my fault..feeling so low and worthless...I just spoke to my mum and I swore . Not at her but about what she said to me..I am horrible person.
I am 31 weeks pregnant,high BMI and high BP. She doesn't live here ,she is back home.The thing is ,yes I am overweight -I did put fair amount of weight over 6-7 years BUT I am already limiting myself with food so much,trying hard to resist cravings or any other "bad for you food".
Every phone call is about -how are you,DH and girls and then.....am I big,did I loose any weight..and so on.
Just now I have million problems,from building we are living,money problems,I am not feeling very well (just came out of hospital recently-had kidney stones and my left side of the back is hurting again ,have possibly more)....and AGAIN she is asking me -are you big? Did you put weight on?Are you planning to loose weight? Don't put any weight.It was going like that ....sentence by sentence.
I just couldn't take it any more-every day but every day...And I just swore badly.I never swear.I don't know where t came from.I swore about G.d and now I can't stop crying.
I swore and said to her not to ask me that ever again.
I have good connection with my mum -probably as long as I am quiet on her million questions.
Before she will go she said it's terrible to hear something like that from pregnant woman and G.o should enlighten me.
I feel I could die...had enough of everything.......

Oh lupo, even if you normally try not to swear, I have no doubt whatsoever that God would understand your frustration at the way your mother was talking to you.

She's the one who is being horrible, going on at you that way instead of actually being a help and support to you.

Are you getting proper help and advice form the midwife and GP about what is a sensible way to deal with weight during pregnancy? That's what you need, not nagging about how you should lose weight. You have to try to eat healthily but take proper advice from the health care professionals who can really give you proper advice, not nagging from your mum.

God is with you. God loves you. God is beig enough to cope if you use His name in vain once in a while!

lupo your remorse about what you did is palpable in your post, i'm sure you have asked God to forgive you in which case he has already done so. Please believe that "You are God's workmanship" Ephesians 2, 8. God made you, he loves you just as you are, asAMum has also pointed out. We are all human and fall short of the glory of God at times. Do you think, when you are calm, you can apologise to your mother, but also point out how her comments affect you? We are to "love others as ourselves". I think a lot of us forget that last bit.

Praying for your other health and housing difficulties. Do let us know how you get on. - treats to cheer you up!

Thank you so much cheapskatemum.Lovely and calming words of comfort you have given me are highly appreciated.
My mum did call that evening and actually she said first sorry which made me to feel even worse but I apologised to her too.
I did overstepped line which I never ever do.I feel better but I need to calm down a bit.
It's not excuse but just so many things are happening for the past 6-7 weeks that I just took out on her which I should be ashamed of.
I should know better and I am thought better than that.
Thank you so much