Please help explain (Christian) prayer to me...

[Wigeon]

I'd really like to understand more about Christian prayer. I have never quite understood how Christians see it, but a recent email from a friend has provoked lots of questions.

The friend, an evangelical Christian who goes to a free church, was recently admitted to hospital. The doctors first thought she might have some kind of cancer, but have now said they think it's TB. We have been emailing, and she said that lots of people have been praying for her, and she feels that the fact that it's 'only' TB and not cancer is prayers answered.

This makes be me wonder:

What if it had been cancer, despite all the people praying? Were they just not praying enough? What would she and her Christian friends think if she did have cancer? She is a very good person, in her 30s, with three young children, so this leads quite quickly into questions of why a good God lets bad things happen to good people, which I think is probably a whole nother thread...

What do people pray for? Do they pray that it won't be cancer? If they do, does this suggest that God intervenes in individual humans' lives? Why would he do that, and what about people who don't pray, who still sometimes have good things come out of bad situations?

I'm not quite sure how praying helped. Either it was cancer all along, or it was TB, regardless of the timing of her diagnosis. Why pray?

What about people who don't have people praying for them, or who aren't Christian? What if I was in the exact same situation? Surely non-religious people have illness as much as religious people? Does it matter that far fewer people would pray for me if I was ill (because I'm not part of a large supportive church)?

I am genuinely curious and hope no one is offended by my asking. I find it a very hard part of Christianity to understand. Any thoughts?

I am really struggling to verbalise my understanding of prayer without it being misunderstood. If I offer to pray for someone in a difficult circumstance, it means that rather than forget what they have just told me and move on with my life,I will daily remember them/their situation and talk to God about it and ask that He give them peace and love and strength to cope. You don't always pray about the outcome (although often you might) so rather than 'don't let the child die' 'don't let her husband leave her for his mistress' 'don't let my husband be made redundant', you pray more specifically for what the situation is putting the person/family through. When my husband was made redundant we prayed that we would be able to meet our financial commitments and that he would be led to the right job where God wanted him to be. What happened next was that my boss asked me if I could offer extra hours as we were down a staff member. I went full-time and my husband became a stay at home dad. Not what we had prayed for but an answer to prayer never-the -less. If someone is poorly,you pray for physical healing but also for strength and patience and pain relief and you pray for others involved and their needs. Often praying with someone in a difficult situation can bring a sense of peace, but I think it also makes a person feel loved and cared for.
I don't feel I am explaining myself well but can only say that as a family we have experienced our fair share of stress and tragedy and I can honestly say that being able to pray through it all and pray with others and have others pray for us has enabled us to carry on with a sense of peace.
This would be a much easier conversation to have face to face because there is so much to say which is hard to put into words.

Thank you headinhands - I am not at all dismissing your comments, just that I think the best way to understand someone (on this thread) is to listen non-judgementally.

Backonly - I think you are missing the point of what various Christians on this thread are saying. I think they are saying that to them, prayer is not just about their own personal relationship with God, and they do hope that that makes a difference to the other person's life. You can argue about whether or not it will, whether prayer has any affect, whether there is a God, but I don't think it seems Christians think that prayer is simply about them and God.

vdbfamily - that's a really nice trot through the Lord's prayer and does help me understand, thank you. Also your explanation of how you pray in difficult situations. Although it seems to me that possibly asking for strength or peace is not that different to asking for healing or a cure - both ways you are asking for God to intervene in the difficult situation and by his actions make something different (make your weak resolve strong, give an impatient person patience, or make someone's illness go away)...?

I see what you mean about not necessarily asking for a specific outcome - so you didn't ask that your husband wasn't made redundant, or that he'd get another job immediately, so I can see that you feel that the outcome (that you ended up full time and he became a SAHD) was still one in which God had overall control.

I confess that we did pray that he would find another job immediately,and he didn't find one for 2 years and not only that but the week he stopped being paid,he also broke his leg and was declared 'unfit for work' by the job centre! We prayed through our frustration and without knowing any of the above,and somewhat out of the blue, my boss asked me if I could offer more hours. So I guess the lesson learnt there is that God may answer our prayers in a way we are not expecting. I didn't want to work full time but found myself enjoying it and my husband discovered he quite enjoyed cooking and shopping and looking after 3 little ones! Ironically, I am now sat at home with a broken leg and he is having to do everything, but then he eventually found a good job based from home office and has the flexibility to do it all. And although I have periods of frustration (8 weeks non weight bearing on right leg is not easy) I feel very supported by friends and family who are not only praying for me but bringing us meals,taking me to appointments,took kids shopping for school uniform, taking me out, doing my housework etc etc. But I digress....!!

Thank you for sharing your experience, vdbfamily. How awful that both you and your DH have broken your leg! Although thank goodness not at the same time). How did you manage to do it? Must be really hard to manage with a family. Hope it mends soon.

thanks Wigeon. I slipped and landed badly on a remote Island in Scotland and had to wait 2.5 hours for a Royal Navy helicopter to come and winch me! All quite exciting really if life could have returned to normal the next day but 3 months not driving and off work and not able to walk is a bit trying!! Just a few minutes ago I had to sit here helplessly whilst my tired 11 year old (recently started secondary school) went into meltdown and ripped a notebook to shreds because her poor dad,having worked all day,collected her from school,collected son from football club and trying to cook tea,was not able to immediately help her do some urgent task upstairs! That is hard because I want to help out and cannot, but now she wants to talk and apologise and sort it all out,at least I can do that bit. We would really struggle without the support of our church family who have visited,taken me out,cooked us several meals a week and prayed for us.My parents have also been great. It is good to have people that care at times like this.

That souds really tough vdbfamily Glad you have the help from your church.

At our weekly Women's Fellowship meetings we pray together. We've been doing this for over 2 years now and several months ago I felt moved to start recording our prayers because so many were being answered. I would definitely agree with vdbfamily though, that it often wasn't in the way we might originally have hoped or expected! I'm reminded of the hymn "God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform" and I have stopped trying to second guess Him. This, in turn, has had an effect on the way we pray. It's definitely not a shopping list and we also try to bear in mind that God's time is not our time. Whereas we'd all be happy if we got another job, were miraculously healed, conceived a baby within a day of praying for any or all of those things (!), we learn things in waiting for them and sometimes a different outcome is preferable.

I hope I've expressed this well enough!

Thanks cheapskate, that's interesting.

It sounds to me that prayer is to some extent like a kind of way of being at peace about whatever happens - whatever will be, will be, and to accept everything which happens in life - even the very bad. The mother of a Muslim friend of mine frequently says "God willing" about everything, which it strikes me is sort of similar- she hopes that x, y or z will happen, but accepts that everything is up to God ultimately. Does that sound like a parallel?