Any clergy spouses out there....? DH starts training next week....

[misspollysdollyridesagain]

Just wondering if there was already a group of clergy spouses on MN....or whether there are enough of us around to huddle together for warmth....?!

As DH is about to start training at college next week, I am particularly wondering about finances - can't quite seem to get my head around it and we appear to be about to be down by my monthly salary (£800 ) each month, although I could be wrong about that amount. Still, the thought keeps waking me up at night....

Would love to know if there are any others in a similar position out there....

Not a clergy spouse but very aware of the stresses involved. Have you moved into college accommodation or is he commuting between home and college? Mine offered both and both had positives and negatives.

You do still need to eat and keep warm whilst he trains so a chat ASAP about finances so that if he needs to apply for extra help through the college, charities, state he/you can do that quickly.

Clergy spouse here but we didn't get together until after he had been ordained. Very up for a hand-holding support thread. My only (not very practical) financial advice is to do loads of research on what you are entitled to and start applying for it early!

Thanks to you both for your replies and support. Where or how do I even begin to find out about any additional entitlements or bursaries....?? Have been told about 'sons of the clergy' (I think it's called) but not sure if you can apply again and again or as a one-off. It seems so alien to be asking/applying for money after a lifetime of working.....

There is a booklet that is sent to the ordinand after selection conference called 'Financial Information for Recommended Candidates.' Google it if he can't find it as I don't know how to upload PDFs here. It talks about pensions, tax credits, national insurance etc. There are various hardship funds around and the college will have all this information so give them a call to find out more.

I don't want to sound critical but your husband needs to get on the case here. If he is training for leadership in the church then the financials are important and sorting how his own family is going to eat and pay the bills is as much part of training as knowing which way to face at the altar.

I started a list of 'what they did not teach me at theological college' shortly after ordination. It is very long and involves practical stuff like how to work the photocopier, what to do when a squirrel legs it down the aisle during the communion prayer and the importance of always having food in the house for the homeless who call asking for £60 to visit their dying mum in Glasgow but actually get a ham sandwich.

Hello :)

I'm a clergy spouse. DH was ordained 6 years ago now, no idea where the time has gone since college. I well remember the panic over finances, dh took a huge cut in salary, and the thought of trying to cope on student finance was very scary (I can't work due to health difficulties.)

However, it all seemed to work out fine, we didn't seem to lose out at all, somehow - the dc got free school meals which helped, but even without that it was OK. I've never applied for the sons of the clergy grant, I know you can do it multiple times and have friends who do, it's a lot of faf with them watning to know every single detail of your finances so I haven't bothered too lazy but would do if we needed to.

Happy to participate in a hand holding thread! There is a fb group for clergy spice but only for those already ordained I think. There are a few of us floating round on MN.

My dh is now a pioneer so we've gone down an interesting path, wouldn't have it any other way though, makes life never dull.

Where are you going to college? Itt's an exciting time, I loved it - I had very young children and found it was great for making lifelong friendships with others who have sustained us over the years.

Look forward to chatting, if you have any questions feel free

/hijack

madhairday or greenheartofmanyroundabouts you don't happen to know if there's a social-media support network of male clergy spice around? I have a feeling DH may need it [taps nose], and as I'm training part time he won't meet others in college.

end hijack/

There used to be a site called cucumbersandwiches.org but its seems to have faded back into the ether. Matthew Caminer who wrote the Clergy Husband's Survival Guide may know of something. You could message him through FB perhaps.

I know Matthew, he gets everywhere!

The clergy spouses group I am in is on FB and it's for men and women - lots of men in it, it's really good and very supportive. I can 'invite' people but not til the spouse is ordained - they made this a rule on there a while back.

Not a clergy spouse as such but my dh and I spent 2 years at theology college and my dh now preaches regularly at our church and others.

Be prepared for him to have his head scrambled on a regular basis by the studying though! Sometimes I couldn't sleep for having thoughts about the lectures whiz zing round in my brain! It made me question every part of my faith, and though it was tough at times I came out much stronger in the end.

Good luck to you both with this. Keep him away from bookshops

Thanks greenheart and madhairday.

I bought Matthew Caminer's book for DH while I was going through discernment -- he said it was one of the most depressing things he'd ever read

I think this is something I might raise with people on my training course, as I suspect support networks for spouses are more difficult to start when you never meet each other, which happens if you're on a p/t regional course.

I'm an ordinand married to a priest. I'm in my first year of training. I used to be around mumsnet quite a bit when DS was smaller. Madhairday will know who I am, (fb friend).

I'm back for entertainment between writing essays and placements etc.

Hello ordinand and welcome back to mn :) good to see you - hope things are going well. Would be good to get this thread up and running too - maybe it should be for clergy / clergy spice / either of the above in training?

I'm a clergy spouse, but we're Baptists, so its quite a different context. In terms of income loss, almost all training in the Baptist Union (which not all Baptist churches belong to - quite a few are independent) is now church-based, so you pastor a church part-time and go to college part-time. This is a lot easier financially. Our income did dip a little, but less than we thought it would thanks to tax credits (which are literally a Godsend ).

One thing I would stress strongly is that there's no one clergy spouse experience (or set of rules). So much depends on the church, on you, your DP, the denomination, the wider culture of the area blah blah. The first church we were in was very difficult, and it helped massively that DP was prepared - once or twice literally - to fight my corner.

Also how much say does the C of E give you in terms of churches? With Baptists its up to you - the Baptist way of doing things is very decentralised so no one has the authority to send anyone anywhere. I don't think I would have been prepared to go down the clergy spouse pathway on any other basis, but that might just be me.

Ordinand's spouse here. I was terrified about finances but it's actually been fine. PM me if you want details. Which college are you going to be at?