OK, so dh wants to come to church now

[acnebride]

DH converted to (reform) Judaism 6 years ago. We met 3 years ago. Ds was born 2 years ago. We agreed to bring him up as a Jewish boy. I did 18 months of classes and learned some Hebrew to make it official. All of a sudden dh doesn't want to be Jewish any more, is reading the Bible, has removed the mezuzah from the door, and is coming to church with me (I'm not much of a Christian but like going to church and find it helpful).

I feel incredibly disorientated. I also think it is likely that he will change his mind again, or will go on to explore Buddhism or being a Quaker - both of these interest him. I'm not going to say this to him yet, but whatever happens now, I want ds to remain an Anglican with me (obv, until he's old enough to refuse to be anything!) The main thing I wanted for him in religion was a community and stability, which he won't get like this. I had to do most of the 'work' in creating a Jewish home anyway, so if now all of a sudden I can't have the pleasure of Shabbat eve and the things I loved in Judaism, then I am digging my heels in and giving ds the things I love in Christianity.

This shouldn't be a battle - how ridiculous to fight about religion, though we're hardly the only ones - but I'm feeling really wobbly. Just wanted to vent. Sorry it's long.

ooh poor you
It sounds like your DH is looking for "something" but not sure how to go about it.
Why can't you carry on having the Shabbat meal but also continue with going to church and making sure Dh knows he is welcome to come but rrying not to make a big deal of it? (easier said than done I know)

I agree, I can see no reason why you can't carry on with your Shabbat meal etc. I think that these elements of the Jewish faith inform Christianity and by keeping them you are enriching your ds. I think all too often we Christians lose sight of the fact that Jesus was Jewish.

What is it exactly that you are fighting about? If your dh is on a journey then it is one he will have to make, howeve rdifficult - but then maybe he will find his home in Anglicanism. I've gone from being an Anglican to not knowing where I belong, except to say firmly that I am a Christian. It's difficult and painful. If your dh is going to the same church as you and ds then surely that would strengthen your sense of community? I know he may stop one day, btw. IME it is having a spiritual belief that matters most rather than a dogmatic adherence to one religion or another.

Don't know if any of this helps?

acnebride - I have a lovely liturgy for a family shabbat meal which is Christian in flavour and content, by the Northumbria community. Just though t you might like it, I could copy it for you if you wanted?

Thanks harissey, I'd love that. thanks all of you for commenting.

We had a talk about it today which went a bit better - I expressed some of the anger I was feeling (calmly) and felt a lot better afterwards. explained that he'd probably been thinking about it for a while, whereas to me it came out of the blue. Also managed to say what I felt about now sticking to our local church for ds. all went fine.

i think in fact what i am really angry about is having had ds circumcised - I found that so, so hard and would never have done it in a million years if we hadn't been going to bring him up Jewish.

I wouldn't have missed the classes etc in Judaism for anything - in fact it was doing those that started me going to church again. I keep seeing rabbis in front of me saying 'huh, might have known' though. sigh.

harrisey, that Shabbat is lovely, isn't it? Very much a love-feast.

Acnebride - have CATted you about the service. You can find out more about the Northumbria stuff at their website . We're not part of the community but use their daily office to pray quite a lot. You cant get the daily office or other liturgies from the website but you can buy the Celtic Daily Prayer book which we use from amazon

harrisey, didn't you say one anothe rthread that you live in community?

5 think you have got it confused that I lived in a very local community in the hebrides, where everyone knew each other etc ... a bit like living in comunity I think! We lived until a month ago on an island with less than 2000 inhabitants! Now in Glasgow with 2 million and loving it!

Oh, okay! I have very romantic dreams of living on an island...

phew! Was his religious streak something that attracted you to him in the first place maybe? I can understand that you feel disorientated - and annoyed.

Would it help to chat to whoever has been the spiritual advisor in your (family) life? I mean the reform Jewish rabbi and/or the Anglican minister.

Your son needs stability in his faith, so I think if your husband is likely to change his mind again, then you'd be best bringing him up as you believe. I admire you for trying to bring him up a Jew when you are an Anglican though! The one blessed thing in all this is that this happened before your DS is too aware of what is going on. Yes its really annoying that he was circumcised, but many people do in now for 'health' reasons, particularly in America (trying to put a positive slant on it!). Whats done is done unfortunately, and you can't turn back the clock, just try to move on from here.

It must be very hard for your DH, while he tries to find his place in life re: religion. I can sympathise with him on this, for while I haven't made any drastic changes, I have changed denomination from Catholic to Anglican, and believe me it WASN'T easy!

God bless

Mary

PS Wish my DH would come to church with me. About 4 months ago he expressed an interest, getting my hopes up, but nothing since...