Talk to me about your STANDARDS in life.

[GotAnotherQuestion]

I acknowledge we all have different standards. From how we clean, to our table manners, to our views on personal behaviour.

Are high standards important or a hindrance? What are your and why?

I think that from a mental health perspective people set their standards too high.

There's no race, no destination.

If you haven't killed anyone through food poisoning and are remembering that you're only a flawed human who makes mistakes, you're doing well.

I attach great importance to high standards.

I try to have high standards in understanding others, in being thankful for what I have, in providing for myself and my family, in communicating well, in being a supportive member of my community and in being a good mum, partner & friend.

I am less bothered by how tidy my house is, or whether the school uniform is ironed.

I have high standards but they are weakly adhered to.

Except teeth cleaning.

I think it depends.

I think setting the bar too low is a recipe for low achievement. However, I also believe (very strongly) that perfectionism is the enemy of achievement.

As in all things. the issue is one of balance.

I try to have very high moral standards, before doing anything that I am not completely comfortable with I look deep in my heart and if I feel its not morally correct I don't go ahead with it (even if social pressure says otherwise).

I have high standards with regards to looking after my health and my families health (so that includes what food they eat).

High expectations for my children, want them to grow into the best people they can be.

Low standards with boring things like house cleaning!

Depends what you mean by "standards". In the way you treat others? How clean your house is? The food you eat?

I think most of us have very differing standards depending on the area of life.

For me being physically fit and a good BMI is very important, but I don't have an iron.

I cook everything from scratch and would never eat sausages, but my skirting boards are very dusty.

I would allow my toddlers to sleep in their day clothes and wear them two days running but wouldn't let them play in the street young and unsupervised.

I suspect like many others I have high standards in some areas but not in others.

I suppose I got thinking about what standards mean to different people because I've hit severe health problems (and am now unfortunately registered disabled), and am finding it demoralising that everything in life has 'gone to the dogs'. It really gets me down.

I'm guessing I'm affected because it's not my choice, and it seems from what people here have said that people like to pick and choose which of their standards and the high ones and which ones aren't as important.

There is some truth, I think, in the idea that low standards means low achievement in that area, and I like the feeling of achievement so don't wan all of my standards to be low ones!

And that's why I wanted to explore this thing called standards a little further

So sorry to hear about your health Question. I think it helps, or at least it helps me, to examine why certain standards are important. I sometimes find I am chasing my tail trying to achieve something that, when I think about it, is important to others and not necessarily to me. Also, as our life shifts, our standards change. Before children my house was spotless and decorated beautifully. Now my focus is my kids, I want to spend my time and money on them, not my house. Though I won't neglect my home, we maintain it, the furniture is tired and you can, and my kids do, write your name in the dust.

I guess you need to focus on your own health and wellbeing just now. Can you identify some things you can let slide in order to do this? As thewordfactory said, balance is the thing.

GotAnotherQuestion - I agree with you that the prevailing pix'n'mix attitude to standards is not entirely satisfactory. The trouble is that when one person lowers their standards in a domain, often another person has to compensate.

" The trouble is that when one person lowers their standards in a domain, often another person has to compensate."

Not always. Many of my "standards" are mine alone and don't relate to anyone else.

I like to spend time catching up with my children- although teenagers, I like to take to time to listen, to talk , to make sure I keep up with their ever changing and developing world, to hear about heir friends, their teachers, listen to their triumphs and worries.

To me that is having high standards regarding communication.

I have standards in little things too, I like to make sure we always have a good supply of stationary in the house, when they were younger that meant paint, glue, craft materials, scraps and glitter so they were always able to make a birthday card or have entertainment on a wet Sunday.

Now they need pens, pencils, good paper, spare memory sticks, staples, paper clips, spare folders, erasers, envelopes, notepads, ring binders, to get that last minute project licked into shape.

Every Sunday night I take their pencil cases from their school bags, and sit sharpening pencils, replacing worn rubbers, make sure they have working pens etc, then quietly put them back. I see my OH smile as he sees me doing my pencil case review.
I have been doing this for several years neither they nor I have spoken of it, but I know they notice, and for me it's a loving gesture to wish them well in the coming school week.

I won't bore you with my tool kit, suffice to say I have a screw, nail, tool, picture hook, battery charger, plane, saw, for every ocassion in a big tool box I bought myself 30 years ago. Most men in my life have had a secret envy of my tool collection. To me that is a high standard too.

Like others though you could write your name in the dust on my shelves.
I gave my iron away 17 years ago and have not ironed a single item in that time.
That may be low standards to some, to me it is unimportant.
Standards can be a very personal thing.

I think many standards we have to set ourselves. There's no point in thinking that others will feel the same.

So our own standards have to be in line with our own priorities and abilities, which will, naturally, change over time.

Hmm. I'm not sure I follow your thinking, TheWordFactory. A standard = a norm or convention. We are not generally setting them ourselves - we may be choosing which standard we wish to apply to our own lives on any given dimension but we are not, by definition, inventing them (unless we are in an extremely powerful position).

I was more referring to physical standards, both personal grooming and housekeeping.

I I'd it depressing that I now live with messy hair chipped nails and heaps of crap everywhere needing to be sorted out!

Can't find anything round here and it's a constant reminder that my standards have slipped and it feels miserable. Everyone tells me to just lower then but I still feel a bit miserable leading a life in a way that I don't choose to!

When you take less good physical care of yourself than you would like (eg personal grooming and housekeeping) it can be very depressing. And I agree - it is not possible to lower your standards and be happy.

Could you enlist anyone's help to declutter/tidy? Can you pay for someone to come round to do your hair and nails?

I find I notice lots of things that are not done perfectly, but have to acknowledge that life just is not perfect.

My DH is a bit of a bodger, which is so good for me. He is very dynamic, gets on and does things, whereas I can be put off from even attempting something, if I cannot achieve to a very high standard easily. Yet I think I can be good for him, because some of the bodges really aren't fit for purpose.

I have mellowed an awful lot though...good job too. Some would probably think my standards have dropped too far....but at least I will give stuff a go now.

It's easy to become bored and/or depressed if you accept a great deal of lower standards.

I think people think others notice them and their world a lot more than they really do. My mother had painfully high standards for everything and I feel guilt daily for not living up to them. At the same time I am a LP and have to accept I can't do all of the things she did while I look after a toddler full time. Strangely (to me) my friends think my house is immaculate and always comment on how I do so much for and with DD. I feel a failure rushing about like a headless chicken but others see someone cool in control and sussed with the fun crafts and games on hand.

Being kind to yourself is the best standard you can set yourself, as no one else will!