Invited to holy communion, advice please?

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

It's my 7 year old brother's communion but I was wondering if someone talk me through what it is and what will happen?

I'm planning on giving a card and a gift voucher, but what do I write in the card? (i.e. is this a "congratulations" type of thing?)

Is there anything I should or shouldn't do etiquette wise?

It is a Mass as normal, really. You know what happens in Mass?

Yes, congratulations is normal, especially if you are not religious. I would write 'God bless' maybe.

No, I don't know what happens in mass either, I've never been to church except for funerals because although my family was catholic my mum wasn't practising.

My step mother's family are quite religious though, hence the holy communion for my brother. Unfortunately, I'm not that close to my sm, so I don't feel comfortable asking about it.

So glad I have mumsnet to ask!

Ah okay.

It will be long if you have never been!

There is an entrance hymn, a welcome and beginning prayers. Then a reading from the gospel, maybe two, and the priest will say a homily. After this there might be a collection. Please don't feel you have to give money, it is completely voluntary.

Then they will have more prayers and then the consecration starts, the gifts will be brought to the altar and they will be blessed. Then we say the Our Father and everyone shakes hand for the sign of peace. Then the children will make their communion, and then the rest of the parish. Then you will have the last prayers and final hymn.

The children will probably have their photographs taken at the end, it can take ages!

Catholics will stand up and kneel down at different parts, you don't need to if you don't want to. If you would like to go for a blessing, go to the priests with your arms crossed over your chest (like a flume ) but if you don't feel comfortable it is fine to sit down.

I hope you have a lovely day Have you any more questions?

It'll be a prayer service (lots of standing/sitting/kneeling- follow the lead of others!) with some hymns. The children will be all dressed up and they'll go up first and receive the bread. Then the rest of the Catholics in the congregation will go up and receive theirs.

If you haven't made your own First Holy Communion then you can't receive it, but you'd be welcome to go up with them for a blessing. It's a nice way to join in even if you don't believe in it. To indicate that you want a blessing rather than communion, place your right arm across your chest.

Oh and 'congratulations' is perfectly acceptable in the card.

IME first holy communion masses are always pleasant because they make them 'child friendly'- lots of singing, kids do the readings, general cheeriness! Enjoy the day

Thank you, all the standing and sitting sounds familiar from the funerals I've attended!

Child friendly sounds reassuring as due to the distance I'll have to travel ds has to come too. He managed very well at my mum and nan's funerals so as this will obviously be more cheery then I think he'll be fine.

And thank you for letting me know about the blessing, I usually just follow what everyone else is doing so I wouldn't have had a clue about any of that which could have been embarrassing!

If you've small dc's, they might like giving to the collection (I used to love it and my mum used to give us ten pence each so we could drop our own coins in the basket). Something for them to look forward to if you need to give them a distraction.

Good idea thanks onthebottom, ds would like that.

Just to let you know that it is probably your brothers First Communion, which is a special event for him, rather than an invitation to Holy Communion, which takes place every week. (It could be a C of E service rather than Catholic - no need to worry about the difference but don't assume that it has to be catholic.)

Don't go in shorts and a skimpy T shirt, as my dear friend did. It was a sunny day, and she had never been to church before. She created quite a stir (and was v. cold!)

the gifts will be brought to the altar and they will be blessed. Then we say the Our Father and everyone shakes hand for the sign of peace. Then the children will make their communion, and then the rest of the parish. - a few notes here.

"the gifts" are the bread and wine.

Everyone shakes hands for the sign of peace. Sometimes this happens earlier in the service, or not at all. If the congregation does shake hands to "share the peace" people usually greet those around them, saying "peace be with you" and you can reply "and also with you" or just "thank you" is fine.
the children will make their communion = they will go up to the front of the church, kneel and receive a piece of bread and some wine from the priest.
and then the rest of the parish = as Annunziata says, you can go up for a blessing. In our church you carry your prayer book up with you rather than cross your arms, or just keep your head down when kneeling down.

Hope that you enjoy the experience. Being in church can be confusing and the services can seem long, but bear in mind that the building you are in may be new or may well be nearly a thousand years old. They can be lovely spaces, with beautiful windows and a v. peaceful atmosphere. How old is ds? A cuddly toy/some books/colouring for him to do whilst sitting may be useful if he is small - and I always snuck in a little bread roll and drink for mine when small, in case they got restless.

Longtallsally, the OP mentions Catholicism, and that her brother is 7, which is the usual age in the Catholic church for First Holy Communion. I assume she realises it's a special event which is why she's bought a card and present.

You can generally find first Communion cards in the shops now - dd1 got a surprising wide range of them. Bring some colouring for your ds, there are usually a collection of books for younger children at the back of the church. The service will be aimed at the children receiving First Communion so should be accessible to children aged 5/6 and over.

Get there early to find a seat. The church is usually packed. Hope you have a lovely day.

Speaking as a (lapsed) catholic here, how never goes to mass anymore, I have to tell you that !st Holy Communions as sooo nice! The children look so lovely, the little boys in their ties and smart haircuts and the girls in their dresses and little white gloves, beautiful! Its a really joyous day full of excitement (as the kids are looking forward to their party and cards with lots of £££ in after!).

Dress nice, throw a few quid in the collection plate and enjoy!

I'm very lapsed, but first communion is a lovely, lovely service and a special day for the DCs. They will have spent a lot of time at school preparing for it.

You can buy special first holy communion cards, and a gift voucher would be nice. If the church is attached to a school, the children usually go back to the school or church hall for a party afterwards and then you may go on to the families house. In church the families may be seated altogether in one row, or just immediate family (parents ) with the child,but just take your cues for standing, kneeling and sitting from everyone around you. There is also a bit in the Catholic Mass where the priest says peace be with you, and you shake hands with the people around you and say peace be with you or some similar sentiment to each. You can go upto communion, and many non Catholics do - just cross your hands over you chest and the priest will give you a blessing, but not offer the communion host. Collection will probably be passed around during the service, you might see lots of envelopes which are from regular parishioners - just put a couple of pound coins in.

Dress is quite smart - sort of thing you would wear to a christening, but no OTT wedding attire. Probably a good idea to get there at least 15 minutes before the mass starts and take your seat- the priest will enter at the start of the mass, usually in a little procession with altar servers and everybody stands up as he comes in.

Relax and enjoy - it really is a lovely day.

As First Communion services are events shared by the parish and the families of the communicants it is likely that there will be quite a few people who are unfamiliar with the format of the Mass. At my church the priest usually comes onto the altar and does a little explanation first at big events.

My small DS comes to Mass with me. I take colouring books and crayons for him and some snacks/drinks. My advice would be to put food into Tupperware type containers - it saves rustling packets.

First Holy Communions usually have high number if non regular attenders, either non catholic extended family or families who rarely attend so you won't be alone (in my experience at least). Try if you can to get a service sheet, these are usually at the back of church somewhere as this gives a running order if what happens when, the responses to prayers etc so you can join in if you wish and helpfully when to sit, stand or kneel.

You can join in as much or little as you wish to, nobody bats an eyelid as long as people are respectful. There will be lots of children in church so don't worry about your DS but colouring books etc can be good.

Present wise you can be religious or not. If you do want a religious present silver St Christopher gone down well in the past for boys. Vouchers, money, toys, books all fine too, whatever you can find and afford, just a keepsake really.

Hope you have a lovely day.

Thanks for all the responses, I like to be as prepared as possible for things so this is all really useful.

And thanks for the tips on ways to entertain ds, colouring books and quiet snacks in Tupperware boxes on the list!

you've had good advice. enjoy.

I had been known to give my DS my phone to play with if he was particularly bored. Feeling smug because the phone was on silent, the church was packed - it was close to the end of Mass - just a final quiet moment "Let us pray..." Mummy, I've killed all the piggies. Look mum

This was me

This was the congregation on the three benches around me

I stick to colouring books and Haribo now