I'm not sure I believe anymore

[runlikeagirl]

I don't want this to be too long (and boring!). I became a Christian about 4 years ago. I started going to a local church and did an alpha course. I became part of the community, my dh did and my now 2 DC. It was a baptist/evangelical style church. I have lots of friends rhere., they have been amazingly supportive when I was very I'll after having my dd.

Bit I just don't really 'feel' it anymore. There have been a fee things like gay marriage, abortion and other more minor issues that have made me feel at odds with it all. And then, I dunno I'm just not sure I believe.

But we had did dedicated there, and I've done this before (did an alpha at uni and started going to church). In fact I started going to church a few times in my life, then stopped and been an atheist!

I suppose I feel bad that they have been so kind, that I might lose my friends (unlikely really).

if they are reasonable and tolerant people they will still be your friends regardless of your beliefs.

if they aren't, they are no loss!

I would try and concentrate on your own spiritual life, don't worry about people and the church. If you lose people then they weren't who you thought they were. Take time out to pray and stdy on your own without any 'church' pressure and see what you feel then.

What you might be encountering is the very well known phenomena of the spiritual desert. It is normal in a prayer life to have times when God feels far away. The first time I found myself in that dry place I was encouraged to read 'When the Well Runs Dry; Prayer Beyond the Beginnings' by Thomas Green and that helped.

It may be that you need to look for another style of church for a while. Maybe try something more contemplative or more traditional? Or see if there is something in the Fresh Expressions stream local to you. There will be different issues in each church - mine is inclusive and liberal but our singing isn't the best.

Well, welcome to the clan. a whole lot of us 'don't believe' - or parts of it we don't believe. As for the church - really, don't confuse God and the church. They are separate entities a lot of the time.

It's not about 'feeling good' though, is it? ie when you get married you get the whole 'feeling good' bit ...but that fades and then you get the run of the mill stuff, the hard stuff, the impossible stuff sometimes. It's what a relationship is about, you have the ups and the downs.

Really bad downs can get you clinging to God but in the bleurgh times it's not too difficult to drift away. I suppose it's up to you but it begs the question: what do you want God for, exactly? (I mean God, not the church. Different things, as I said)