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Philosophy/religion

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1st holy communion prep mass or my DGM's 1st anniversary mass?

6 replies

BiddyPop · 09/04/2014 10:00

Hi all, I have a quick question if my priorities are right - mostly due to reaction at work to my choice.

This weekend, dd has her final (I think) FHC prep mass in local church with school. Religious instruction is once per week in but after school as it,s multi-denom. We are reasonably regular mass attenders anyway, and have made most of these monthly masses. But did have to miss the first 2 due to my dads retirement events in home city a month apart (first was actual retirement, second was the senior senior guys from overseas having a celebration dinner. Including family and very very unusual event in the company). Both were arranged before we knew dates of masses as we only get told those the week before.

The last of my DGM's died a year ago yest (I knew all 4 to adulthood, and lost 3 in the past 4 years). Due to other family commitments (there were 6 children who lived, so quite extended family group) the mass is this coming weekend, and my uncle will celebrate mass in family house to mark it, so quite special and intimate for family.

DH is also away overseas for work (he was here for DGF 4 years ago, DGM death 20 months ago but not month,s mind and scattering of ashes 5 hours away requiring family gathering weekend, and a year ago missed both DGMs death and months mind due to overseas commitments). It is really not deliberate and we had to be really careful scheduling his Tavel so he was home for DB's wedding 5 weeks after DHM death last summer, and to be home for DDs FHC. He spends half his time away on a contract at the minute and works FT even when at home.

We were not going to sports commitments to skip the mass (cousin, also FHC year but different school, has prep mass Sun as well but skipping for hockey and may make family event). Our hockey finished last week, football match will be over, and I would have skipped match for mass in any event.

I had intended going to family mass rather than FHC one. It seems as though RE teacher is fine with that as I sent a note to school and dd didn't need to take note to all class about Sun.

But a couple of people at work had immediately jumped to the conclusion I would be going to FHC mass with dd. Going to both is not an option as same time exactly and as DH is away , I cannot split us in 2 (which we've done for other events before if needed and joined up later).

I could just go to family home after mass for the buffet meal, but that feels wrong to me. And I certainly don't not want to go at all, I was close to DGM and I haven't seen some of those who will be there for a few months. I'm also feeling quite isolated at present due to dh's commitments and dealing with dd SNs (asd, ADHD). So I need to keep in touch with family.

But now I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing in my choice. Should I be bringing dd to the FHC prep? Or is the family anniversary mass the right thing to do?

Sorry if this is the wrong place, and that it's so long.

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 09/04/2014 10:02

Sorry, I had 4 DGPs, only 2 DGMs

My brain is truly addled.

OP posts:
Spinaroo · 09/04/2014 10:08

Couldn't follow done of that. However, I would indeed go to your daughter's prep mass- she needs to know that this us important to both you and her. I think your family would understand that.

Spinaroo · 09/04/2014 10:09

Some not done

BiddyPop · 10/04/2014 09:01

Thanks Spinaroo. I appreciate the input.

My mind is still spinning (probably explains why the short question was so long and disjointed) but I will leave it more open until the weekend. We do a
It of talking about the religious prep anyway, and mostly ignore other parts of the day in front of dd yet. So she does know its important to is.

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Fink · 11/04/2014 20:43

I would say the opposite to Spinaroo.

If your family are practising, then you will have prepared dd at home. Part of the preparation is realising that FHC is a special moment in her life but that it's only the first step in an ongoing conversion and not a one off event, and in particular that it's not all about her. It would do her good, IMO, to experience the wider church life as an integrated faith in the form of remembrance of the dead.

Obviously if it's a prep session for the FHC Mass, make sure you get an info you will have missed. Other than that, I'm not sure of the value to already prayerful families to gather all the FHC kids and make them sit together where they can distract one another; it seems to make more sense to let them be part of a normal practising family where Mass is a normal thing to do. Clearly the non-practising families need more help, but if that's not your situation then the priests and catechists should be able to recognise that (speaking as a catechist).

BiddyPop · 12/04/2014 00:16

Thanks Fink.

Talked to the aunt who still lives "at home". Uncle who is a priest (her DBro) plans having the 2 FHM prepping cousins to do the gifts, so it sounds like he's going to refer to preps as well. He's not home yet(well, just late tonight, I'll talk to him Sunday) from Rome. I got vibes like yours from the lady who teaches religious ed to DDs group.

My parents are coming here tomorrow, so will see what DDad says, as it's his DM we are remembering, his eldest DGC (my dd) and his Godchild (other FHC cousin) who are involved. But I am veering towards mass in the house.

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