Remaining calm and at peace in hostile workplace

[Treasa24]

Having a really testing time at work right now. Being sidelined, pretty much ignored and criticized rather vocally - and all this within a team of equals ie nothing to do with management (which is very, very weak - another story). I am thinking about my options, clearly,but, in the meantime, need to go into work every day and keep on earning what's a very modest salary but a very necessary one.

Anyway, today I was thinking, rather than yet again dread the morrow and have that sinking feeling, that I would try my best to present as positive and even, God help me, rather upbeat. Not unnaturally so (for me) but at least cheerful in spite of everything that's going on around me.

Ages ago I used to meditate and I do, sometimes, pray (faith is rather strained at present). I thought that maybe when something unpleasant is said to me, that I'd count quietly up to 10 in the foreign language that I'm learning (it's a very restful language, I think!). I also thought of practising mindfulness (about which I know very little) or simply trying my best to be still in the midst of it all. Does anyone have any suggestions or can point me in the right direction for calming exercises, music (I can plug myself into the computer at times) or similar? How does anyone else cope when they're effectively trapped at work (small office in my case) and there is a level of hostility that's difficult to cope with?

Thankfully, I have supportive DH, loving DCs and nice friends outside of work - and interests. So not all gloom at all but really going into work, and staying put, is an ordeal. Many thanks.

What a horrible situation. Can you raise this through your line manager because this doesn't sound as if it is going to be good for you long term?

For day to day survival I've found that if I feel I'm getting upset then I do complicated sums in my head,, a bit like your counting to 10 in foreign languages, as it takes my mind off the situation long enough to get the stress hormones under control. Otherwise, music, lots of tea and pictures of my children on the desk have helped when I've been in jobs I had to do for the money.

Hope today is a bit better.

That must be really wearing you down. If you are interested in mindfulness have a look at this website - there are some easy meditations you can download. The three minute breathing space is really good for helping to regain a sense of calm when you have limited time. Maybe try yoga - the combination of exercise with relaxation is fantastic for dealing with stress. I hope you find a way out of this.

I really feel for you OP, I know what it's like to be in a poisonous situation like you are in. It can feel like a trap. When I was stuck I was advised to keep a gratitude journal which was helpful. When I finally took the very difficult leap out of this situation it was amazing how many doors opened...

I would also suggest "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, it has been a fantastic resource on how to work through situations like this. Feel free to PM if you have any more questions.

I'm Christian, and when I was going through a tough time at work with colleagues being unkind I "prayed for more love", which seemed to help - by this I don't mean I think God actually intervened and made me love my colleagues more, but the act of praying to be able to forgive them and value them in spite of the kindness acted as a kind of positive meditation, in that it helped me reframe my views of them, and let go of a lot of the anger I was feeling.

I've started listening to Buddhist meditation on CD (during long commute) and meditating 10-15 min every day.
It really calmed down my though process.

Can you listen to stuff like that during your commute?
Do you get lunch break you can go for a walk?

it is called work because you wouldn't do it if they didn't pay you.

sadly bullying and bad treatment is fairly endemic.

start job hunting and count the days - and do the absolute minimum needed to keep the job. That is what poor management deserves.

good luck.

Thank you, all, so much for your responses. Each one has been so helpful. I've made a note of the techniques and resources and, also, am taking seriously special's suggestion that I look at my options.

I've tried hard this past week to put the behaviour of colleagues behind me and to rise above the pettiness - and one colleague in particular deciding that I'm not worth talking to at all. Today came an almighty missive from another colleague - about all and nothing.

Feel hopeless, helpless, needing strength. Thank you again, all of you. Your kindness during what is really a horrible time for me is very warming and has touched me greatly. Will be following up suggestions. For what's it's worth, I recommend, if you have another language, at whatever level, to bide time or collect thoughts or calm yourself by using it. Counting/translating/going through some calming phrases or words. My maths isn't great, but I like greenheart's suggestion about doing sums.

I used to work in very hostile workplace and now I am in a very friendly one.
It's worth the hassle of applying and changing, fingers crossed you can find something soon!

what you got to think about is these people are petty and not worth your time! try not to even think about or notice them when you are at work. Think about your family, hobbies, pets, favourite programmes etc... look at them and laugh, they may think your mad but do you care what they think? no...sod them..pretend they are cardboard cutout's...work's for me everytime.

Keep all the evidence of your bullying by your workmates along with you emails and letters to your supervisor/line manager attempting to sort it out.

Then talk to CAB or your union or similar as you may end up with enough evidence for constructive dismissal. Just saying the words constructive dismissal is enough to get many employers to start taking notice.

I really feel for you OP as I have recently been through a similar situation and know just how hard it is to walk through the door each day with a smile pasted on your face.

You seem to be dealing with it in the best possible way though. I do believe that given time these things will work themselves out, people will get bored/move on/find something else to moan about etc. Sadly in the short term it doesn't really help you though. I decided that my own happiness and that of my lovely family was more important to me so calmy and quietly handed in my notice and left.

I feel so much better now and have faith that something better job wise will come along in good time. Some battles, to me anyway, are not worth fighting. There are so many lovely people and places in the world it seems such a waste to spend your time in somewhere that makes you unhappy.

I would have had a good case for a legal battle but having decided I didn't want to be there anyway there seemed no point in fighting.

Do what is best for you and yours, life will go on and you are not alone xx

OP, perhaps it is time to turn around and in a very calm and assertive manner to say:'Don't you EVER speak to me like that'. 'Would you like to rephrase that in a less aggressive way?' is another good one.
Looking puzzled at them and then saying 'perhaps I'll wait till you can gather your thoughts, at the moment you seem heated and not making much sense'
They are bullying you, the management is weak, stand up for yourself.
Yy to keeping a diary of these incidents.