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Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

999 replies

defuse · 30/12/2013 22:18

Peace to you all Smile

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now Grin

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say! Smile

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice Grin so welcome! Smile

Brew
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LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow · 17/02/2014 08:58

Salaam everyone

Nice to see some new people, welcome to the tea room Smile.

Peaceful I'm so very sorry for your loss Thanks.

That's an interesting question peaceful, I can't answer it fully as I had children before I reverted, but I can definitely give you my thoughts on my own situation.

My imaan has definitely been effected by the different stages of motherhood, and within my marriage. At the moment it's definitely on the rise.

I've been making a real effort recently to teach my dd's by example, not only in prayer but in the way I present myself as a person.

I find my imaan dips when I'm going through a bad patch with the dc's, dd1 had problems at school recently so I was putting all my efforts into sorting that, then ds went through an awful sleep patch recently so I was literally just existing in the day. I need to better how I integrate things like this, as I know myself when my imaan is high everything just seems so much easier!

I won't go into my marriage, I don't have the energy for it, but I'll just say how hard it is to be married to someone who's not fully practising. Yes he prays fajr every morning but his tongue and anger is vile at times. I'm going to fix my own faults before trying to fix his although I fear he is now a lost cause. When he was being particularly nasty I used to be nasty back, now I do my best to ignore him and I now take myself off and read some hadith or a translation of the quran. I refuse to be lowered to his standards now. It's so hard though!

I'd be interested to hear about how those of you who were 'born muslim' have been effected by motherhood and marriage. I often dream of having a week of no children or husband so I can pray and read all day!

fuzzywuzzy · 17/02/2014 10:33

I've been bought up in a 'religious' household. Mostly my mum practiced mixed up with traditional practices, so I grew up not knowing much in the way of fiqh outside of immediate fard requirements.

But we had stacks of books and I loved reading.

I think I consciously came into Islam during my marriage, I'd spent my life with Islam being in soft focus in the background of everything, then when I was married it started slowly coming into focus.

First it took me forever to conceive, ex of course blamed me and I had to face the gamut of tests as he point blank refused insisting he was fine. I remember vividly being booked in to see a consultant (male) and making dua to Allah that if it wasn't written for me to have children for Allah to remove the yearning from me that I would not have to unnecessary uncover my awrah as Id' spent my lifetime covered and I find medical procedure so so so invasive. After seven years on the day I was meant to have my first consultation about fertility I found myself having my dating scan instead.

Then right before my marriage ended and I couldn't take anymore, I actually prayed salat ul hajjat the prayer of need and for the only time my life I prayed for death, I prayed that my little baby have a better mother than me and she be loved and protected and never feel my loss. The very next morning ex got himself arrested and I was able to start divorce proceedings.

Since then my build up of iman has been slow and steady alhumdulillah, I've looked for and found prayers for ease, I have tried to build up my fard so it is steadfast and built on that by adding supererogatory worship. I do dhikr a lot I keep prayer beads in my abaya pocket so I automatically start doing dhikr when my hands touch the beads when out and about.

When I can't sleep I watch lectures on YouTube or pray salat ul tahajjud.

And slowly as my knowledge has increased Alhumdulillah my family has changed too, my mum has started increasing her knowledge so we have a lot less of the non Islamic stuff happening at home, one of my sisters has started observing niqab altho her husband is utterly against it so they've compromised where she wears the niqab when he's away from home. I've never said or done anything to encourage or discourage their practice or behaviour.

For me the change has been very gradual it's almost seven years of small changes, and they've been such that it's become part of me as a person so I hope I will not stop no matter where I am in life.

It affects everything, my girls are used to making duas for what they want and need, and we have a rule in our house if we want barakah and suqoon we do not fight and argue.

It's part of me as a parent, if I learn anything new I tell my girls, I told my girls about the dhikr angels, there are angels who's sole purpose is to seek out those doing dhikr and they stay with them till the dhikr ends. If we're walking to school in the morning and my girls get too chatty or argumentative I remind them of the dhikr angels and they immediately start doing dhikr (blissful silence for at least thirty seconds at a stretch). My eldest is hoping to see an angel (or a bunch of them) I think!

peacefuloptimist · 17/02/2014 20:37

What a lovely, heart-lifting post fuzzy. Jazakhallah for sharing. I pray Allah SWT increases you and your children in your emaan and makes you steadfast on the deen. Ameen.

Thank you too Lost for your post. I really enjoyed both yours and fuzzy's replies that I had to read them twice Grin. I pray Allah helps all of us to be good mothers and role models to our children.

I don't have time now to post a proper response but will think on it first and post when I can.

crescentmoon · 18/02/2014 10:20

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crescentmoon · 18/02/2014 11:57

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defuse · 19/02/2014 23:35

Salaam all.

peaceful, i feel like i am stuck in a rut. Like others,i used to attend study circles, volunteer and be quite active. Then i got married and had kids and it all changed. Before DH and DCs, i used to be out at 7pm attending lectures, circles etc. Now, come 7pm i am fighting to get the kids to bed so that i can collapse onto the sofa and recharge my batteries until bed time!

Even when i do attend the odd circle now, my mind seems to be elsewhere, worrying if DCs are ok at home!!

Speaking of fear, love and hope....i am very afraid and ashamed of my shortcomings - therefore pin all my hopes on the mercy of Allah - for i am painfully aware that my actions will not allow me into heaven - so I have no choice but to hope for the mercy of Allah. Though, i mustn't let hope in His mercy make me complacent and neglectful of my responsibilities and worship - our sole reason for existence. I need to do more than the bare minimum that i currently do!

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peacefuloptimist · 20/02/2014 12:57

Salams all

Crescent your post was really moving too. Especially about how the Prophet Muhammed PBUH lived a normal life with family, friends, relatives and all the headache that entails. It reminds me of this hadith

“The believer who mixes with the people and endures their annoyances is better than the one who does not mix with them and does not endure their annoyances.”

Grin The wording always makes me smile. Annoyances is right. Hmm Defuse Im in the same camp as you. Too much hope, I need to inject a bit more fear in to myself and stop making excuses for my shortcomings.

As for how marriage effects worship. Well I think its really up and down isnt it? Sometimes its a help and other times a hindrance. When I first got married I felt like my fard definitely improved. I did all my prayers on time, started sunnah prayers, reading and fasting. Being pregnant and then having ds also made me more conscientious about saying my morning duas and reading Quran daily. It was all to do with feeling grateful towards Allah SWT for His blessings.

However, for me before marriage my happy place was being in a class or seminar learning about the deen in the company of other muslims. Getting married made that more difficult. The problem is whilst I am more of a social worshipper Grin DH is more of a solitary one. I say that but he goes to the masjid regularly so does get interaction with other muslims but he is perfectly happy to sit and read or listen to a lecture online and learn that way. I find this really unfulfilling and definitely not as beneficial as learning with a group where you have the other students and teacher to help you stay motivated. Especially since moving to a new area which is made up of primarily 'cultural' muslims I have found it hard to get that buzz/emaan boost from lectures as there just simply isn't that much going on. Having ds has made it more difficult as well in that whilst I could just take off and leave dh for the weekend to go to lectures ds is a responsibility that I cant not ignore or pass to someone else. So for me its about finding new ways to increase my emaan and increase knowledge and not rely on the methods I used in my single days.

A dilemma I am having right now is that I am going on umrah to Makkah and Medina with dh and whilst I would prefer to leave ds with grandparents dh wants him along. I know I will not be able to concentrate on my worship and get the full spiritual experience if I am worried about keeping an eye on ds and his coming along is going to be a potential source of tension between me and dh over who is watching him and when. So Im not keen but dh makes me feel like I am a bad mother for not wanting to bring him with us on 'holiday'. Anyway I know I am being whiny. What a first world problem eh! What do you think? Take him or leave him. He is 18 months.

peacefuloptimist · 20/02/2014 17:58

Forgot to say I also often have that fantasy of getting away for a week Lost. Me and my sister are always planning a getaway to Turkey for a husband free (feel too guilty to leave kids) week. Maybe we should plan a fantasy tearoom meet up there. Sunshine, culture, Islamic history, beautiful mosques and great food. We could even try to rope Cote in to be a translator/tour guide. Grin

fuzzywuzzy · 20/02/2014 18:34

Subhanallah don't take your 18 month old, it will be hot and crowded and you will be concentrating on the rites and rituals of umrah. Does your husband want the responsibility of taking care of you both?

Leave him with his GP's inshallah.

Take him when he's older and can benefit from the spiritual and physical experience.

Having said that many people bring babies and it's fine everyone loves little kids. I remember years ago when I went for umrah a little toddler stood up climbed on a water cooler removed the lid and was attempting to dive head first into the zamzam therein. Me and the women around kept removing him and distracting him. His mother was oblivious altho standing very close to the child.
And when went for hajj my youngest sister kept being given gifts by the vendors free food and trinkets and even a rather expensive watch!

It's different being there. If your husband insists go and leave it to Allah, we only get to go on his invitation and if your son goes he's been invited by Allah and he will make it easy for you. Don't let it upset you sis. But umrah and hajj are no holiday.

I so want to go with my girls inshallah.

Keep us in your Duas inshallah.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/02/2014 18:40

Also I think hope is the lynchpin of iman, especially hope in the mercy of Allah, those who lose hope lose their iman.

I think it's amazing listening to stories of the prophets how they never lose hope in the mercy and forgiveness of Allah such as Yunus (AS) calling on Allah for his forgiveness in the belly of the whale.

Prophetic Supplications for Trials
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The supplication of my brother Dhun Nun (Yunus, peace be upon him), who called on Allah while in the whale’s belly: ‘There is no deity but You. Glory be to You! Verily, I have been among the wrongdoers’ (Quran 21:87) – no Muslim person says it, for any situation whatsoever, except that Allah Most High answers his call.” [Tirmidhi]
La ilaha illa Anta, Subhanaka, inni kuntu mina z-zalimin.
?? ???? ??? ???? ??????????? ?????? ?????? ???? ?????????????

crescentmoon · 22/02/2014 00:33

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crescentmoon · 22/02/2014 10:07

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defuse · 23/02/2014 23:10

Salaam everyone....

Completely off topic..... Interested to know what you all think of life insurance...legit or not? I found an opinion saying legit.....but had to really dig for it.....consensus seems to be not legit.

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fuzzywuzzy · 24/02/2014 08:42

As far as I'm aware insurance is not permitted, you will need to get a fatwa specific to your own position tho.

All I know is that its not permitted as it has interest (usury) and is likened to gambling, ie you're expecting a high payout based on chance not on your own input or hardwork.

I may be wrong. speak to a scholar, contact East London Masjid or Central London Masjid or your nearest one.

crescentmoon · 24/02/2014 09:01

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crescentmoon · 24/02/2014 09:02

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crescentmoon · 25/02/2014 08:26

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fuzzywuzzy · 25/02/2014 13:45

sis Crescent it's not you, this thread is very slow moving so barely ever in active convos, I tend to check active convos not individual boards and it tends to fall out of threads I'm on as well so I've put it on my watch list to find it more easily. It's certainly not you.

I've learend so much from you, I never knew there was halal insurance.

LittleTulip · 28/02/2014 23:21

Good evening ladies,

I just wanted to pop in and say assalamoalaikum! I haven't read any of this chat for quite a few weeks now so apologies for not posting. The main reason is that I've been struggling with life in general. My obsession with the conception forum was getting out of hand and I was getting to the point where everything baby/child related was upsetting me (fancy being on mumsnet! Hmm. I know it's still earlyish days since losing my pfb, but I guess I was hoping I would be pregnant with number two now and you can guess of course it hasn't!

Anyhow I am back at work and I have more routine in my life which alhamdollilah I am ever so grateful for. And I feel so blessed, I am going to umrah in a few weeks which is really keeping me going at the moment. Feel free to PM about specific duaa's if you want...

Also many congratulations goshanne and sorry for your loss peaceful. I haven't read any replies for a while so apologies if I've missed something, I will eventually read and reply I'm sure.

I actually do think of you ladies quite often x

LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow · 02/03/2014 10:58

Salaam everyone

I've been a bit caught up in real life recently, that and my new steam mop that has changed my life Grin.

Crescent, don't disappear, you're one of the most highly thought of sisters on this thread and I love reading your posts, they're very thought invoking. I'll read Fatiha for you and your lovely family Thanks.

Defuse I never even thought about life insurance being non compliant with Islam, thank you for bringing it to my attention. It was one of those things I've been thinking of taking out for a few years but now I know better.

Nice to see you again LittleTulip. Sorry to hear that, please don't give up hope, it'll happen one day inshallah. Have you been on umrah before or is it your first time? I know lots of people who have been in the last few weeks, some who are there now and some who are going in the next few weeks. It really makes me want to go but financially it's just not possible at the moment.

It's nice catching up, hopefully I'll be round a bit more this week.

fuzzywuzzy · 03/03/2014 14:43

I just did this quiz, I got 10/14 it's very interesting the different way Christians & Jewish women observe hijab and even veiling.

LostAtTheEndOfTheRainbow · 03/03/2014 18:07

That's good fuzzy, I got 7/14 Confused. I'm going to pass it on and see what my friends get.

Crescent, going to back to what you mentioned last week I think it was, I've always wondered whether any of you name change for chat or somewhere else. I've been tempted a few times but I can see myself getting easily confused so think I'll just stay as I am. I'm always reading chat though and sometimes I venture over to parenting, AIBU and a few others.

defuse · 03/03/2014 19:55

Well, i only got 6/14! Blush
I was convinced the niqabis were muslims - obviously not!

I do wonder if UK has a shariah compliant life insurance - dont think there is one though.

Love you all.

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crescentmoon · 06/03/2014 06:31

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crescentmoon · 06/03/2014 06:41

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