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Original poster

Refused baptism, is this normal in the CofE these days?

42 replies

RodneyTheChristmasElf · 17/12/2013 08:01

My DS is 9 months old and I want to get him baptised. I'm currently not living in the UK so don't have a church of my own to go to. So my MIL asked at her church about getting him baptised there when we're in the UK in a couple of months. This is the church where MIL has run the pensioners weekly lunch for 40 years and where DH was baptised/confirmed and grew up in. The vicar has refused to do it as she only baptises babies who are part of that church community and who are going to grow up in that community. So first grandchild of one of the longest standing parishoner doesn't count :(

OP posts:
CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts · 17/12/2013 08:05

i dont un derstand why any priest or vicar would refuse, you should ring round another church

you can also do it yourself buy some holy water

AngelsWithSilverWings · 17/12/2013 08:07

Seems harsh but my vicar FIL takes the same stance. He considers christenings to be the local church welcoming the child into it's community.

He wouldn't even have christened our two, his own Grandchildren, ( not that we wanted him too) as we don't attend church ( we are atheists)

NorthernLebkuchen · 17/12/2013 08:12

Where are you in the world? There are anglican churches in many countries. You can have him christened there. It's not unreasonable for a vicar to only agree to christen the children living in his 'flock'. The vicar has a responsibility to the children they christen. How can they fulfill that for children who appear one day and are gone the next?
Are you a Christian by the way? Do you normally attend church?

Original poster
RodneyTheChristmasElf · 17/12/2013 08:17

Maybe it's my catholic roots showing through but I find the idea of refusing to baptise a baby, thereby excluding them from God's kingdom, for any reason abhorant. I don't believe they are excluded, but you don't get away from your upbringing that easily. Oh well I guess I'm ringing round to find a more Christian church.

OP posts:
thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 17/12/2013 08:20

If this is the C of E then Canon B 22.4 says that: "No minister shall refuse or, save for the purpose of preparing or instructing the parents or guardians or godparents, delay to baptize any infant within his cure that is brought to the church to be baptized, provided that due notice has been given and the provisions relating to godparents in these Canons are observed."

So as you live abroad there is no requirement on the vicar to baptise your child as you do not live in the parish. Your argument, if you wanted to pursue it, is that your child is beginning a journey of faith and that with no opportunity to pursue this within Anglicanism where you are, then this is why you want your child baptised in the UK.

NorthernLebkuchen · 17/12/2013 08:21

It's not unchristian to want to be able to properly support a child you are resposible for receiving in to the church community. The vicar isn't saying your child can't have a christening. Just that it isn't appropriate to have him christened there. If this is so urgent a matter to you then I urge you to have the christening at your local church and then ask this vicar again if he would do a service of blessing and dedication for your son that all your family can attend when you're in the UK.

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 17/12/2013 08:21

No idea if it's normal but it's definitely shocking.

(must also have Catholic roots showing through. I was christened by my Methodist minister grandfather, though we were never going to be brought up in any Methodist church let alone his as they lived a long way away)

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 17/12/2013 08:22

Just seen other reply. Must be an Anglican thing.

Original poster
RodneyTheChristmasElf · 17/12/2013 08:23

I am Christian and was actively so until we moved. I'm in a remote area of Scandinavia. The nearest Anglican church is a 3 hour drive away with a 9.00am start. The only church within a reasonable distance of us is a pentecostal one, but not like any I've ever encountered before. I tried it a few times but there are no people, just the elderly couple who run it. I felt like I was in the twilight zone rather than church.

OP posts:
NoComet · 17/12/2013 08:23

Assuming you intend to bring your DC up in the Christian faith and aren't just keeping MIL happy, and wanting to have a party the vicar is being unreasonable.

If My DMIL's vicar was happy to do a welcome blessing for DD1 (knowing I'm a atheist, he married us too). I don't see why a baptism should be a problem if you and DH are happy to make the promises.

Original poster
RodneyTheChristmasElf · 17/12/2013 08:24

Our village church is a Lutheran chapel which has 1 service once a year for Lucia.

OP posts:
missinglalaland · 17/12/2013 08:26

This happens in our area too. I find it odd. I don't want to insult churchgoers or the vicars, so I won't elaborate on what I think about their true aims and motivations in so doing.

NorthernLebkuchen · 17/12/2013 08:27

In that case then OP I think you should write to the vicar laying out the situation and asking for a dedication service. Like a christening but without the water Grin I was born and bought up C of E but have attended a Baptist church with dh since we married and all my dc have been dedicated rather than christened.

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 17/12/2013 08:30

You learn something new every day. I had no idea that clergy could refuse baptism to a baby or that they would ever wish to.

NearTheWindmill · 17/12/2013 08:34

I think strictly speaking the vicar is correct but in principle I think he is wrong. I go to church every week - probably not dissimilar to your MIL - but my vicar would oblige in the circumstances. You could write to the rural dean for MIL's area, politely explaining what you have explained here and noting that you understand the position of MIL's vicar but ask if he knows of a local vicar/priest who is more relaxed about the rules and who would oblige.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 17/12/2013 08:35

Awful. I,d take him to the local Catholic church. Refusing to baptise, never heard the likes of it.

QuintessentialShadows · 17/12/2013 08:39

Rodney if the Pentecostal you speak of is Pinse or Lestadianer they may not perform infant baptism. Lestadianer peeps baptise in their Lutheran church. I suggest you find a Lutheran church as it is not dissimilar to Anglican and it should not matter for when your child starts school in the uk. How about Catholic Church? Forget if you are in the shouth . Are there remote areas in the south though?

AChickenCalledKorma · 17/12/2013 08:40

In our church, we regularly baptise the grandchildren of church members, even if the parents aren't regular. They are family and it's a way of supporting the grandparents in their role, as well. Am quite shocked that a vicar would refuse in those circs. I agree that writing to the vicar and explaining the full circumstances might be a good idea. If it's a particularly pretty/popular church, he/she may suffer from a lot of families wanting to use it as a pretty backdrop without actually taking the baptism seriously.

QuintessentialShadows · 17/12/2013 08:41

Really just for lucia? Surely there is s parish priest ghat does funerals. Weddings?

Original poster
RodneyTheChristmasElf · 17/12/2013 08:57

Quint yes they only open it up for Lucia. Basically it's a shed in the forest which seats 20 people max. I don't know what they do for weddings or funerals. The pentecostal church is in the next village, half an hour away, and is Pingst so is most likely adult baptism.

Anyway I've just spoken to the Deacon at the Catholic church near MIL's and he says there's no problem they are more than happy to do it. We just have to attend a 1 afternoon pre-baptism class before hand, which normally runs on the first Saturday of alternate months but he can schedule it for whenever we need it to fit in with our visit to the UK.

OP posts:
thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 17/12/2013 09:00

Agree that a letter or email to the vicar would be the way forward. There are parishes round here that only do baptisms for practising parents, with thanksgivings for everyone else. You are practising but temporarily dechurched so in theory a baptism should be fine especially as your MIL is a part of their community. Would your previous vicar be able to have a quiet word?

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 17/12/2013 09:01

Just read your post of 8:57 and delighted that the catholic church have been so welcoming. I hope you have a good day.

Umlauf · 17/12/2013 09:08

That is really weird. Were in the same situation, living abroad, but of course the vicar agreed to baptise DS. There's no Church of England outside of England, so it's not as if you could do it where you live!

Glad you've got it sorted.

paulapantsdown · 17/12/2013 09:12

Well the Catholic Church turned me away too. we moved when I was pregnant with DS1, and I attended my local church about twice a month. When DS1 was born, I asked the priest about baptism, but he refused until he saw me attending mass every week for 3 months, then he "would think about it".

I left and went straight to the Catholic Church in the next town who apparently was more easy going and baptised traveller children who came and went! He agreed without hesitation. I never went back to the first church. The fact that I was a baptised, confirmed catholic meant nowt to him.

With my second, i called the church in Ireland where my mum had been baptised etc and they agreed no problem. My mum had just passed away and I could not face a christening party etc, but want to have my son baptised. The church in Ireland welcomed us with open arms.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 17/12/2013 18:28

paula (great name), i,d be writing to the Bishop, and pp to Pope Francis. You may even get a personal reply ( my dd 6, wrote and got a personal reply) Grin.